Somewhat Horror-related… Eli Roth presents Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation

I went to a screening of a film tonight at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre which was presented by Eli Roth. The film is a shot-for-shot remake of Raiders of the Lost Ark done over 7 years in the mid-80’s by a couple of kids in Mississippi (max age 17ish). Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation was kitsch gold. I wished that all of the Dead Lantern/Grand Horror crew was there to see this DIY masterpiece. It probably won’t ever make it to DVD because of the obvious copyright restrictions but it has been making the indie-theatre circuit for 5 years with the blessing of Mr. Roth who hooked the filmmakers up with a renewed career in film and even a meeting with Stephen Speilberg himself.

Spinning from this amazing backstory is a Daniel Clowes (Ghost World) screenplay (and perhaps comic?) and Paramount project in the works based on the kids who made it (now in their late 30s).

When I get to catch things like this, it’s pretty fucking rad to live here.

We have a winner…

congratulations to Paul in Michigan who correctly guessed the Splatterpiece Theatre scene in episode #78.

The correct answer was “The Attic Expeditions”. Paul will be joining us as a guest host on an upcoming Splattercast. Congratulations, and be prepared to be thrown into the meat grinder :)

Steve’s Random Thoughts #1

So I happen to be an organ donor. I don’t know why but my drivers license has the little donor heart symbol on it. Well I don’t want to be an organ donor. I hate people and want most of them to die from horrible diseases. So I think when I go to get my license renewed I’ll have my donor status revoked. Think about it. How many life saving organs can you donate after death? Six? Seven? I’m not really sure. I mean you can donate your eyes supposedly but you can live without eyes so those don’t count. I’m talking about stuff like a heart or your kidneys. We’ll say six organs. The way I look at it then is if you die and you’re not an organ donor, it’s like you’re taking six people with you then. And I know that’s not exactly the high score or anything but I still think those should count dammit.

Women of Horror #68: Drew Barrymore

some films: Altered States (1980), Firestarter (1984), Cat’s Eye (1985), Waxwork II: Lost in Time (1992, cameo), Doppleganger (1993), Scream (1996)

Splattercast 78

Episode 78 is now posted

This week, we review Jeff and I revisit the French flick “Inside” and I give some thoughts on the indie flick “Teeth”. This episode also brings about the return of Splatterpiece Theatre. If you can guess which film the scene we recreate is from, you win a guest co-host spot on an upcoming Splattercast. No Googling! And as always, we go off on some tangents about comic books and give you the DVD releases for tomorrow. That and Deejay laments constipation.

Enjoy, and if you know the answer to this weeks Splatterpiece Theatre segment, e-mail us at: splattercast@deadlantern.com

Monday Morning Music #6

Turn up the volume. It’s time to wake up.

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

superchunk. hyper enough

Killer

I’m not gonna brag and say we started a trend of local horror movies or anything (ok, maybe I am :) ), but tonight there is a free local horror flick showing at The Ross. The flick is called “Killer” and here’s the synopsis:

Mary Shelly’s (Abbey Bruntz) world comes crashing down with the murder of her parents. Sent to live with her aunt (Dorothy Booraem) in a lonely, old mansion, Mary encounters a retinue of odd characters: The lecherous sheriff (Sandris Rutmanis); an accident-prone handyman (Andy Ozols); and, a priest (Mike DeVall) who makes late night house calls. To make matters worse, as she struggles to come to term with her fate, she experiences disturbing mental images. Are they premonitions? Dreams? Old memories? While Mary sorts out the truth, people begin to die.

Killer is a throwback to the horror films of yesteryear, emphasizing mood over special effects. It follows the tradition that true horror resides in the mind; even the best of digital manipulation pales in comparison to the power of imagination. Killer uses vivid, surreal images, and camera angles unusual for American cinema.

This movie by first-time director Pete Lipins was seven years in the making. It is a testament to what the power of dedication, hard work, and imagination can achieve.

So there ya go. If you need another excuse to go: it’s free. 3 p.m. today.

AvantTrash/DeadLantern Exclusive: “David’s Situation” Pilot Review

T.J. from AvantTrash here with a “scoop” for DeadLantern! My co-author AliUptown and I went to a taping of Bob Odenkirk and David Cross’ new show “David’s Situation” tonight and are the first to review it:

It’s not very funny, sorry. The first scene that is. Sure, pilots are messy, rough, and usually need a LOT of tweaking. In this case I think they’d need to revamp the show altogether. But this snap judgment is only in regards to the FIRST SCENE which we watched 3 TIMES via Closed Circuit TV from JUST OUTSIDE OF THE STUDIO because they overbooked the audience by about 40 people. So after waiting in line for like an hour at CBS they guide us to this craft services room with a 20-inch TV of the show being taped next door. Fucking Lame.

The show’s main angle seemed to be a 4th wall breaking mockery of sitcoms, delivered a bit half-assed with sitcom cliches that have already been parodied a hundred times. Any post-modernism intended seemed to swallowed up by it’s lack of originality. Harsh, I know but it seems to be well worn territory (remember Garry Shandling’s Sitcom?). So could this indictment be because we were bitter about not getting into the actual taping? Not really. I am a HUGE fan of Mr.Show who has sung its praises and done my part to indoctrinate everyone I know about it for more than a decade, and the only thing I could think about while leaving the studio was “my how they have fallen”.

To spoil it for you the plot of the mock sitcom is that David is done with the Hollywood life and moves to “middle America” to write for an in-flight magazine and becomes roommates with stereotypical hippie Matt Besser and a flag waving old guy played by nobody. (Bob Odenkirk is featured in a very short sidebit)

Hippie Matt: “Did you know that every time you hug someone it releases positive ions into the atmosphere?”
David: “Did you know that every time you hug a hippie you kill a practical thought?”

It had a few laughs but overall wasn’t what any of the 20 or so of us watching would call funny. The highpoint of what we saw was an intro delivered as David would in his standup where he blasts Jeremy Piven and the Hollywood Scene. “And I knew that it was too much when I saw that Jeremy Piven’s dog was wearing the same Von Dutch hat as me.” We didn’t stay for any of the other scenes (they killed the feed in between scenes and we’d already waited enough today) but outside of the studio on our way out we saw B.J. Porter, Mo Collins (featured in the first scene) and Jerry Minor. Before the show when we were parking the car we saw Janeane Garofalo walking to the studio, but can’t be sure she’s in the show or not (probably not).

Btw, David, are you done with standup? I think you are due for more. The inevitable failure of this pilot just might give him the opportunity to do so.

The scene did get a little better the more they worked through it so there is a slight possibility that with A LOT more work it could be passable but I don’t think we will be seeing a Bob & David lump of coal turned into a comedy diamond anytime soon.

re-uploading splattercast 77

a few of you brought to my attention the fact that Splattercast 77 mysteriously cut off after the 38 min mark. I thought I might have screwed up when I created the file in audacity so I went back and checked: I didn’t. The mp3 works just fine on my desktop. Apparently, the mp3 stopped uploading when i posted it. That said, I’m now re-uploading the working file so in a few minutes you should be getting the full episode 77.

including Deejay’s rant against blind people being employed. Enjoy, and my apologies for the initial upload screwup.

Splattercast #77

Much like Eight Belles at the Kentucky Derby, this episode needed to be euthanized for the good of everyone involved. We talk about… um… I don’t even remember what we talk about in this episode. I remember having a good time making it, though, so I hope you will have a good time listening.

Zeus vs. Typhon

Apparently, this is a non-photoshopped picture of the currently erupting volcano in Chile. The volcano happened to erupt during a lightning storm.

coolness.

nin: the slip

I remember  when it would take 5 years between NIN releases. Now it’s more like 5 days. Coming on the heels of Ghosts, which was 36 instrumental tracks released in February, is The Slip, a 10 track album full of loud drums, yelling, and loudness. Best of all: it’s free.

“as a thank you to our fans for your continued support, we are giving away the new nine inch nails album one hundred percent free, exclusively via nin.com”

So there you have it, Trent Reznor giving you free music. Click here to download The Slip.

10 Golden Rules of Survival Horror Games

Via Destructoid.com, a fun list of survival horror clichés. I like #5…

5: Architects are clinically insane:
Can we truly be sure that Raccoon City’s inhabitants were the victims of the T-Virus? My personal theory is that, rather than becoming infected by a biologically engineered disease, they were simply driven mad by years of having to use keys in the shape of helmets and pushing blocks around rooms just to open fucking doors.

It seems that most buildings in survival horror games were designed by schizophrenic lunatics who felt that it should take two hours to get from the kitchen to the bathroom, with a collected eighteen miles of backtracking in between. Why does a hotel need a working music box to open a door? How did the local council give that planning permission!? It doesn’t matter, because it’s part of why survival horror is awesome.

Victory is ours!

The spirit of Cicero is channeled through our team as we won the debate against Augustinian thinking. At least for 2 hours, skepticism carried the day.

Freedom

I totally feel like Tim Robbins right now. I’m officially on a 3 month leave of absence from my job and other than a stupid English final on wednesday, I’m pretty much done with school and work. Yay. Here comes 3 months of reading, watching movies, being as lazy as I want to be, and doing whatever the hell I want. I know you’re all jealous because you all have “real” lives and are stuck in your predictable life rut :)

Oh wait a minute…I’ve got to help make Outpost Doom. Nevermind. Looks like I’ll be pulling my hair out before the summer is out.