Splattercast #72: This episode is our best yet! (April Fool's!)

Splattercast #72

Every once in a while, a podcast has an off day. Technical difficulties throw everyone off their game, a lack of structure causes long awkward pauses, and every joke just falls flat. Unfortunately, that seems to happen to us every week. This week was especially bad, but luckily, it’s only 50 minutes long so you won’t have to suffer through it as long as you normally do. This week, we review the original April Fool’s Day as well as the recent re-gurgitation. To fill time, we read lots of DVD releases. And uh…that’s about it. Oh yeah, you should of our movie.

Random Horror Media Awesomeness #5


I don’t know about you, but I’m absolutely disgusted by Bigfoot. Just cuz he’s famous and stuff doesn’t give him the right to go around molesting other molesters. Bigfoot is a horrible role model for other Bigfeet. I mean, if we don’t draw the line at Bigfoot, where is the line going to be drawn?

Monday Morning Music #2

It’s time to wake up.


Placebo. The Bitter End.

Bonus Rock courtesy of Frank Zanzibar Rose of The Sleepy Cast


Hum. Iron Clad Lou.

Got a great rock tune that you’d like to see featured in this segment? I admit to being a complete novice when it comes to music. So if you have a great band or song that you think I should post, send me an e-mail at splattercast@deadlantern.com The only requirement is that it rocks. No ballads here!

Top 5…Bounty Hunters!


5. Rick Deckard, Blade Runner

Was there anyone more badass in the 80’s than Harrison Ford? Well, Kurt Russell was more badass, but this is supposed to be about Han Solo…no wait, it’s about Indiana Jones…no wait, it’s about John Book…hold your crotch, it’s about Rick Deckard! Yes, the grizzled retiree who would like nothing more than to go to sleep after blowing away some Replicant ass…and tapping some as well. Deckard’s that bounty hunter who is pissed that he’s so awesome and keeps getting called up to save everyone’s ass. Though he’s lost a step or two in the disgusting cesspool that earth has become, he’ll still waste a Replicant and look badass doing it…speaking of ass, Deckard is currently tapping Sean Young in a little cottage in the countryside.


4. Brisco County, Jr., The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.

The one bounty hunter on this list who won’t shoot your ass just because. If this list were weighted for personality, Brisco would be in first place. Dude’s just awesome. In fact, you could argue that Brisco is the most talented of all the bounty hunters on this list. He just uses his mind (with some timely help from Comet) to kick everyone’s ass. Who needs to shoot 5 guys in a standoff when you can just drop to the ground and let them all shoot each other in the crossfire? Brisco can’t be stopped! I take that back. Fox killed Brisco when they canceled the show. Ah well. I’m sure somewhere, Brisco is laying around with Dixie trying to figure out what the hell The Orb is…and rounding up those other four Bly gang members.


3. Samus Aran, Metroid series

Now, I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time believing that a woman Nintendo says looks like this can fit inside that Power Suit. I mean, it’s got to have a special function just to counteract the gravitational pull on her massive digital breasts, right? You wouldn’t think it would be easy to fit all of that inside a suit and still be able to move around. Still, when you can turn yourself into a ball and roll around, maybe it doesn’t matter. The lone female on our list, Samus Aran faces down a lot of gross monsters that want to jump on he face…I don’t like where I’m going with this analogy so I’m going to stop. Samus has the unique status of being the star of a critically acclaimed video game franchise. Meaning you can play with her all day. Wait a minute…that didn’t come out right. Oh forget it…moving on


2. Joe, Monco, Blondie, Sergio Leone’s Dollars Trilogy

I wonder what would happen if Brisco had to hunt down TMWNN? Clint Eastwood isn’t so much a bounty hunter as he is a bounty slaughterer. There is no such thing as “Dead or Alive”. It’s always “Dead”. I get this image of Bruce Campbell walking up, planning some really smart way to win the fight, only to be shot through the head and Clint saying something like “You left your smarts on the ground, son”. He’d then smoke a really thin cigarette, break the 4th wall, and demand a closeup of his face. Come to think of it, maybe Fox didn’t kill Brisco; maybe Clint did. In any event, this is just one guy you don’t want to come across next time you’re in a two horse town. Actually, I don’t really like the look Clint is giving me from the photo above, so I’m just going to slowly back up now…


1. Boba Fett, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi

Arguably the coolest character in anything ever. Boba Fett is the preeminent badass of bounty hunterdom. This guy will get you. You know you’re beyond cool when even Darth Vader respects you. In fact, I have inside sources within the Galactic Empire that have told me Vader often laments his decision to be Palpatine’s apprentice. He could have easily lived the Tatooine Dream with Padme by doing some part time bounty hunting for Jabba instead of being deep fat fried in some lava by his best friend. And for those of you who are not total nerds and are screaming “he gotten eaten by the mouth in the sand”, he got out. I’m not telling you how, go read the book. Anyway, Boba Fett is the bee’s knees and even though Jabba…er..I mean, George Lucas, tried to butcher the character by making him a clone and a whiny little bitch kid, his awesomeness runs so deep that it doesn’t matter to anybody. Boba Fett: Best. Bounty Hunter. Ever.

Disagree with the list? Did I leave someone out? post a comment and tell me how dumb I am!

Men of Horror #12: Quentin Tarantino


Happy 45th birthday, Mr. Brown

as director, actor, or producer: Past Midnight (1992), From Dusk Til Dawn (1996), From Dusk Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1999), From Dusk Til Dawn 3: The Hangman’s Daughter (2000), Celluloid Horror (2004), Hostel (2005), Death Proof (2007),  Hostel Part II (2007), Planet Terror (2007), Diary of the Dead (2007)