Most strippers are already dead inside so making them into zombies will do little more than make their vaginas smell worse. Greetings! This is T.J. from the Grand Horror and AvantTrash making my Dead Lantern guest-posting debut! In the past week I have noticed a new trend eating the coattails of the Zombie Horror genre… ZOMBIE STRIPPERS! Sure we can say that Planet Terror nearly combined these elements and most Zombie movies have one girl who is as dumb and hot as a stripper who is lucky to be alive but the threshold has officially been crossed.

On Monday I stumbled upon Zombie Strippers; set in Sartre, Nebraska (which I haven’t googled but am pretty sure doesn’t exist) where the standard Government experiment has gone awry and Zombies escape… and there are strippers, too! I know you are probably saying to yourself, wait a minute, you lost me with this complicated plot. But let’s move on to the actors who deliver this Oscar-bound opus: namely Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund. Somewhere in Las Vegas, a boat show is missing its headliners. (Sorry Freddy, apparently Hell is other Movies). See, that was a Sartre Reference. Its a good thing these girls honed their acting craft in porn, horror is just a half step down for them. The studio that did this poster is one of the best out there, unfortunately the production company must not have paid them enough to design more than this ho-hum Grindhouse knockoff.

Today I found Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! Which if the key art is any indication of the movie’s quality is bad, bad, bad. The trailer includes a chainsaw through the head (in and out) and some other delicious violence. Along with this epic dialogue “Whats the deal? They’re just crack whores!” “They’re Zombie Crack Whores!” And another terrible poster. The plot? You guessed it …science fucked up, zombies on the loose, strippers are hot and covered in blood. I have a fear that if we watch these films then the Zombies won’t have many brains left to eat! Who will feed those poor Zombies?

Steve, Deejay …There will be titty.

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