There I am in all my pale-skinned, pink-shirted sexiness. Notice that I don’t have a beard. That’s because the sheer masculinity of the pink shirt tells everyone that I am a strong male leader of advanced age (even though I’m only 25). I don’t really care about politics. If it’s always going to be a choice between the lesser of two evils then I would rather just sit my ass at home on Election Day (though I never do). Here at DeadLantern HQ I’m second in reviews behind MaT. Of course since he has less of a life than I do, he ends up doing a lot more of them than me. I post one for maybe every five of his. What’s weird is, before I began writing reviews I was much less harsh on films. Five years ago, I would have loved movies like Day of the Dead or Dead Clowns. But now I have to cut them deep. Yes, like Spiderman, I realized that with great power comes great responsibility. I understand that people across the globe come to DeadLantern to see what I have to say about the latest films and they use my infallible judgment to determine their movie viewing choices for the night. I must not lead them astray. They depend on me. Yes, I have to be very critical of films now. So I guess in that regard, MaT is like my very own Uncle Ben. Blame my perceived movie elitism on him. When listening to the Splattercast, you’ll often notice that all of my opinions are better thought out and make more sense than those of the other guys. This is for YOUR benefit, not my own.

I’m in college for Information Technologies with Computer Visual Communications. Which is a very long contrived way of saying that I’m learning to draw and design things on a computer. But it’s fun and it will pay the bills someday. I got my big “acting” break in The Grand Horror. Before being in that epic masterpiece, I had no desire what so ever to act. But ever since then I have been addicted and MaT hasn’t been able to get rid of me since, try as he might.

Assorted Stuff About Steve!

Favorite Movies: The Exorcist, John Carpenter’s The Thing, Dawn of the Dead, The Great Mouse Detective, Ferngully: The Last Rainforest, Blazing Saddles, anything with zombies in it. Seriously. I love zombie movies. Even when it’s a bad zombie movie, it’s STILL a zombie movie, and that ain’t bad.

Favorite Director: MaT Kister and his unique style.

Favorite Genres: Horror and Comedy. With a side helping of Russian Deer Porn.

Likes: MaT’s mom. Brady’s mom’s cooking, kitties, video games- specifically RPGs. Seriously, I can’t play games anymore unless they have 50-60 hour long storylines and all of the good and bad guys take turns hitting each other after waiting for a colored bar to slowly fill up. Brandy Baldwin, X-Men comics, hockey, toys, astronomy, Deejay’s Eddie Murphy-ish laugh, etc., etc…

Dislikes: My “acting”, babies, fruit on pizza, working, Jean Grey resurrection stories, organized religion, vegetables, emo kids…I better stop. This list may take up the whole front page.

Favorite Porn: Weapons of Ass Destruction starring Belladonna. 9.5 out of 10, losing half a point for the three inch gap between Belladonna’s front teeth.

Favorite Type/Color of Starburst: Cherry

Best Care Bear: Skull-Fucker/Fister Bear

Random things to remember: Everyone should go watch the It’s Alive film series. A little know fact is that the movies are actually based on true stories. It is a scientific fact that all children have a 50% chance of being born as a blood thirsty monster. However, Christian Conservatives capture all of these monster babies and pay off the parents and media to keep quite about it all in an effort to further the stereotype that having children is a good thing.

Men with mustaches are not to be trusted.

Filed under: Know Your Splattercast Host