Episode 391 - [MP3]
The Palace of Lies
Episode 86 - [MP3]
Never Again
Episode 12 - [MP3]
Hudson versus Hicks
Episode 33 - [MP3]
Johnny Cash and Syphilis
 

Running Commentary Review #1: Jack-O

So I had this idea, since we review a lot of crap on the Splattercast and in our online reviews, that it might be fun to do a “Running Commentary” every now and then. Basically, in order to keep me sane, I’m going to do these sorts of reviews every time I’m watching some throwaway junk via my Netflix instant viewing queue. This idea originally came from reading some of the online running commentaries during awards shows like the Oscar’s, so I figured, why not try it with some movies every now and then? Jack-O will be my first attempt. I’m watching this because Jeff and Paul had some nice comments about the film on Splattercast 80. I don’t know how this is going to turn out, as it is a completely new thing I’m trying, but hopefully it will be fun and give you all an idea of the lunacy in these films as well as be humorous. I’ll update as interesting things come to my attention. One word of note, I just remembered I wanted to do this so I’m actually starting this commentary 23 minutes into the film. And away we go….

23min: Linnea Quigley rubs her asscrack and her breasts while taking a shower. She looks like she’s really enjoying it.

25min: ACK! The wife has a total case of Reche Caldwell Eyes!

26min: “If she were a dog, I’d have her spade”

30min: mental note- if a man with a pumpkin for a head charges me, hold up a makeshift wooden cross and hit his ass with a scythe

31min: John Carradine stock footage alert! I wish I had DVD commentary to find out what movie the footage is from…if anyone knows, e-mail me.

33min: Carradine from a different movie resurrects Jack-O who proceeds to use his scythe on 2 necks and 1 face. He also gets this rad back lighting and fog that accompanies him everywhere he goes. Totally rad.

37min: Reche Caldwell Eyes!

40min: Cameron Mitchell sighting. You may remember him as Vance in The Toolbox Murders (1978)

42min: Brinke Stevens sighting. She’s playing an actress in a film they are watching on TV called “The Coven”

44min: Ok, the rich conservative couple who hate trick or treaters (“You want something from me, you pay for it!…Little Parasites”) are awesome.

48min: For the love of god woman, enough with the Reche Caldwell Eyes!

49min: This movie just taught me that since I’m a “bleeding heart liberal”, I am stealing Jeff’s air.

51min: It took nearly 20 minutes, but we finally have another death scene. Scythe to the belly crosscut with images of toast being cut up. How very Godardian.

53min: Death by toaster. Somebody remind me to slap Jeff the next time I see him.

56min: BOOBS!

59min: Earlier in the film, they mentioned that Jack-O takes peoples eyes. Before this movie is over I better see him rip the eyes out of the wife’s head. Is this chick a BEM, or something?

65min: Death by decapitation!

67min: Characters are dropping like flies now. Neck slice combined with extreme closeup of blurry Jack-O head and a beagle. Why is it taking so long for this movie to end? And why does Jack-O feel the need to walk up to people menacingly yet not kill them? He always walks away and waits another 10 minutes before offing anybody. It’s stupid.

72min: The family prophecy says only the 5th male descendant after the original destroyer of Jack-O can re-kill Jack-O. Somebody remind me to punch Jeff the next time I see him.

78min: Scythe to the gut!

80min: Jack-O blows up…or something like that. I was under the impression that it was the little kid who was the 5th male descendant, however it is his father that shoves Jack-O onto the wooden cross?

84min: The End. Video credit montage. Rebecca Wicks and her Reche Caldwell Eyes didn’t die and now I’m angry. This movie can go to hell.

5 Comments

  • Posted May 28, 2008 at 11:37 pm | Permalink

    This would be fun to do on the forums if more than one person would actually watch the same movie at the same time.

  • paulm
    Posted May 29, 2008 at 12:01 am | Permalink

    Sorry Mat. Jack-O isn’t very good, but I did like some of it. LInnea’s nude scene was good. I like the silliness of the rich neighbors. I like the makeup on the rich wife’s electrocution. Some of the effects were pretty good for this level of a movie. I like how they scammed and used the John Caradine footage. I actually didn’t notice that the wideshot wasn’t Caradine til I rewatched that part.
    I did think that they could have tightened it up a lot. I also didn’t like how they’d cut away from a Jack-O attack, killing any momentum the movie had, then come back to the attack later. Though sometimes I seem to remember them not returning to some of them. I hated the whole haunted house idea. When they showed the inside of the haunted house it was really bad. Finally, I thought it was silly that the cross would have remained untouched since 1915, trapping Jack-O in the grave. Through the years something would have knocked the cross over, if nothing else, the weather would have loosened the ground and caused it to come out and release Jack-O.

    As for Linnea movies that you can watch on Netflix, I liked “Sex Bomb” better. It’s not that good either, but I fell in love with Delia Sheppard in it, she is hot. I think DeeJay would describe it as a “casual sex” movie.

  • Posted May 29, 2008 at 12:10 am | Permalink

    It wasn’t even a haunted house…it was a haunted garage :)

    and I think there were a total of 5 trick-or-treaters in the entire movie :)

    0.5/10. The only reason it gets half a point is because of the conservative neighbors.

  • Posted May 29, 2008 at 8:04 am | Permalink

    Paul, my friend, never apologize to Mat. He’s a total film snob. Jack-O was a bad movie; I’m sure we said as much during the podcast… but it was fun enough for what it was. I was having enough goofy fun with it to watch the whole thing.

    Sometimes crummy movies can be fun. That’s like a tenet of the genre :)

  • boogeyman13
    Posted May 31, 2008 at 2:23 pm | Permalink

    This movie is terrible. I love jack-o-lanterns, scarecrows, scythes and anything in that vein, so this movie seemed like it was destined to rock. Oh, how wrong I was…

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