Splattercast #137

Splattercast #137 is a real thriller

Splattercast #137 is up. Hit the feeds or grab the mp3 direct.

We spend the first part of the cast lamenting Michael Jackson’s passing and then move on to lamenting Michael Bay’s new Transformers movie. Then Mat leads us through an exhaustive catalog of every horror podcast he could identify. We salute all of our horror podcasting brethren!

Special thanks to T.J. for the MJ-as-podcaster image.

DVD Cover Art of the Week: Island of the Fishmen

Island of the Fishmen

Alternate (inferior) show image. Billy Mays can’t compete with the King of Pop!

Splattercast #137 alternate show image

Transformers 2: The Disconnect

Ironhide facepalmA few of your pals here at Dead Lantern went to Transformers: Another Movie With A Colon-Subtitle and we’ve all agreed that it was pretty damned terrible. I’m sure we’ll talk about it when we record Splattercast #137 tonight.

When I went, the theater was nearly full and the crowd appeared to be digging the hell out of it. I clearly heard a young woman behind me remark, “That was so awesome!” as the credits began to roll. Today I read this article about the disconnect between the critics and the public on this particular film.

Critics “forget what the goal of the movie was. The goal of the movie is to entertain and have fun,” said Rob Moore, vice chairman of Paramount, which is distributing “Transformers” for DreamWorks. “What the audience tells us is, `We couldn’t be more entertained and having more fun.’ They kind of roll their eyes at the critics and say, `You have no idea what you’re talking about.'”

I suppose that’s not too strange of an idea. The public just wants a little bread and circus, not everything has to be a soulful character study. Indeed, I myself eschew thick dramas more often than not. And even though I’m on the “this movie sucks” side, I listened to the A.V. Club review of the movie and I found those critics to be totally douchey (and don’t get me wrong, I usually like that site a lot).

I really, really hope we can talk about not liking Transformers 2 without sounding like snotty, condescending assholes. We’ll focus on just being assholes and leave the snot and condescension out of it.

If Everyday Life Was Directed by Michael Bay

Transformers 2 is rolling into theaters like a slow motion fireball. By now, we pretty much all know what to expect from Michael Bay movies. But what if your day to day life was being directed by him? Would all of the fantastic tits be worth the third degree burns covering most of your body? We asked you to fire up Photoshop and show us.


More here: http://www.cracked.com/article_17527_if-everyday-life-was-directed-by-michael-bay.html

Video Nasties: Tenebrae (1982)


My first exposure to the giallo sub-genre (and indeed to Dario Argento) was a pleasant surprise. Prosecuted and banned in the UK, it was finally released uncut here 20 years after its initial release.

I have to say, I found the first half of this movie somewhat dull. The story plods along rather slowly, the kills are initially few and far between, and not all that gory or interesting. But one thing this movie does deliver from the start is a great sense of intrigue. It is clear early on that this is essentially a murder mystery, and each character we are introduced to is a potential suspect. It really does keep the audience guessing, as each time you think “Oh that MUST be the killer…” they are instantly dispatched. While not much seemed to be going on, this element alone is enough to maintain your interest.

The last 20 minutes of the film is where we see what we really want from a giallo. The gore steps up from mere stabbings and strangulations to axes in heads and bodily dismemberment. The famous arm-cut-off scene with the rainbow of blood spraying across a blank white wall is just as gorgeous as it sounds.

One staple of the giallo is that the unseen killer is a character present from the start of the film, and not a Scooby Doo-esque character we would never have guessed. Tenebrae runs out of characters by the time the killer is revealed, so it does not come as much of a shock, but Argento follows it up with a worthy twist that, although completly nonsensical, is great fun. There is a wonderful moment of foreshadowing involving what I assume is a piece of art, made up of a series of metallic cones.

There are erotic undertones, but the nudity does not feel gratuitous. Rather, it adds to the themes of sexual abberance and deviance, which I can only guess was heavy contributing factor in its being banned upon release. This film builds slowly, and really delivers a satisfying bloody crescendo. But none of this is disturbing or upsetting; in fact quite the opposite. Somehow these scenes of beautiful women being butchered are stunning to look at. I can only speculate at this stage in my Argento-education, but I would say this is certainly the work of an artistic master.

Amateur Porn Star Killer this is not.

Rot Inside A Corpse’s Shell

Apologies to Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon, but Michael Jackson is the most noteworthy of the recent spate of celeb deaths.

They won’t allow embedding, so click here to watch Thriller. That shit’s still genius to this day. Although, it’s funny how he looked scarier in real life than he did in the zombie makeup for the video. Ah well, I guess he’s diddlin’ kids in hell now.

Sorry, that last bit was mean. I really do love Jackson’s music and I think it’s noteworthy that his music transcended his weirdness even through these later years.

Star Wars Head Exploder Playset

The Force TrainerThis is kind of messed up. A new Star Wars toy that lets you move shit around with your brainwaves. Think twice before you give this to your kid, especially if you’ve let him watch Scanners.

Utilizing advanced dry neural sensor technology, the Star Wars: The Force Trainer headset reads and interprets your brainwaves. As you concentrate, beta waves are generated. This information is translated in the headset into a digital signal and sent to the training tower, causing the training remote to rise and fall. The more you concentrate, the more you control the remote sphere. Advance through 15 levels of training, from Padawan to Jedi Master. With exclusive Star Wars sound effects, this headset will prove that the Force is with you!