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A Nightmare on Meh Street

A new trailer for the ANOES remake is out. It’s about two and a half minutes long, so it gives a decent amount of content for you to justify whether or not this will be worth a theater viewing.

It looks…really plain and ordinary to me. It looks like everything has been recycled, only this time with a bunch of generic “teen” actors. The footage of the death setups; the “classic” kills that are being remade; seems utterly uninspiring to me.

Oh, and I know everybody likes Jackie Earl Haley. He was phenomenal as Rorschach and I’ve been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt even as mounting evidence piles up that he’s going to suck as Freddy. I’m just going to say it: I hate the voice.  When he delivers that “I haven’t even cut you yet” line, I just cringed. Even his body language seems out of whack. It feels like his movements seem too robotic; telegraphed for “scariness”; instead of the more organic movements of Robert Englund.

If Freddy is not good, it’s game over. Freddy is not Leatherface, Michael Myers, or Jason. He’s not just a mindless killing machine with no personality. He’s an actual person. A pissed off person who brings cockiness, swagger, and fun to his role as a killer. He’s also not only a horror icon, but a cultural icon as well. Freddy Krueger is probably more popular and well known to the general public than the other three combined. And that’s because of Robert Englund and the charisma and all around awesomeness that he brought to the role. There’s a reason why the American Film Institute recognizes Freddy as one of the top 50 cinema villains of all-time. Think about that for a minute. Freddy Krueger has been honored as one of the greatest villains in the history of all cinema. Sure, horror fans take the character for granted, but there is a larger picture to the character that most people don’t even contemplate. You can always argue with lists, but just the fact that he made it on there is a testament to the power and impact that this character has had culturally. AFI is infamous for treating horror as not even worthy of their time and energy. In other words, getting Freddy right is essential.

In that sense, Jackie Earle Haley has no shot at meeting expectations.  I certainly hope that what has been shown in the trailers isn’t representative of what’s in the final product. I’m rooting for Haley, really, I am. But I’m getting warning signs everywhere that this will be an utter trainwreck. It’ll look slick, just like every Platinum Dunes production, but I’m worried that the filmmakers are going to totally miss the tone, atmosphere, and “realness” that makes not only Freddy, but the Nightmare films in general, work.

And the real disappointment is that Robert Englund is here. He could have remade his own role and brought it back to the first couple of movies, when Krueger was still seen as “scary”. Hell, if the filmmakers insisted on altering his voice, then they could have done so. Krueger sounds way more guttural and hellish in the first film because of the voice filters Craven put on him. He sounds nothing like he does in the later films. At least if they went that route, we’d still have Englund, who knows how to make Krueger move; to make his character come alive. So if Haley misses as Krueger, it’ll be even more bitter knowing that the real Krueger could have made the remake something interesting.

Right now, this whole thing looks like a big misfire. I’m hoping I’m wrong. But damn if I just can’t be anything but skeptical about what I’ve seen of Haley so far. What do you guys think?

75 Comments

  • Posted February 28, 2010 at 2:12 pm | Permalink

    I just hope they can get The Fat Boys on the soundtrack for the remake. Sure, at least one of them is dead, but they can use computers and shit to get around that.

  • Posted February 28, 2010 at 2:16 pm | Permalink

    oh man i love you

  • Teen*Idol
    Posted February 28, 2010 at 3:35 pm | Permalink

    @Evil Meanie – I think me and Borp are the only youngsters in this forum, and I’m 23 this year… :[

  • Evil Meanie
    Posted February 28, 2010 at 4:02 pm | Permalink

    I made an assumption on your ages based on the fact that some of you talk like you’ve never seen a Nightmare on Elm Street movie in your lives. I assumed that thinking that Freddy being funny was “ruining” the character was a hypothesis that some of you were arriving at due to a lack of experience with the Freddy Franchise. However, apparently some of you are “pretty fucking old”, so what on earth is your excuse for having such a complete lack of understanding when it comes to the character of Fred Krueger?

  • kris
    Posted February 28, 2010 at 4:24 pm | Permalink

    @Evil MEanie

    While Freddy may have joked around in the first film, I didn’t really find any of it to be funny; it was sick more than anything, not slapstick as in the later films.

  • Teen*Idol
    Posted March 1, 2010 at 5:51 am | Permalink

    @Evil Meanie – Pretty sure I was the only one who HATES “funny” (because he’s not to me) Freddy. I stand by it. Like I said, I wasn’t around for the huge Freddy blowup in the 80’s. When I saw the Freddy movies I was slowly getting into the genre. I was watching the “Halloween” movies and from there moving into deeper stuff like “Maniac” thanks to my older brother. Watching something gory like “The Beyond” and then popping in a Nightmare movie to see Freddy deliver lame-ass puns just put me in the mood of, “Okaaaay…let’s watch something more serious.” I’m not bashing on the guy. I understand he’s an icon to the genre (I love NOES 1-3), but after that I simply just don’t care about his bad puns. Kris basically put into words what I’ve been meaning to say.

    Honestly, whatever. Just because I’m a fan of the genre doesn’t mean I’m going to worship fucking Freddy. It has nothing to do with age or who got to suck off Englund in the 80’s, it’s just a matter of personal taste.

  • Sykodjiuia
    Posted March 1, 2010 at 11:30 pm | Permalink

    Okay, first: they killed Freddy off in the last movie, so there can’t be another sequel. They’ll have to reboot it.
    next: this movie is going to bank big time, just like all the other shitty remakes. Nothing you can say or do is going to stop that. To some posters I’ve read here and elsewhere, do you really think your posts are doing something about it?
    and finally: the remakes aren’t always bad; just usually. If I mention The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, you’d better assume that I mean the original. I would have said “remake” had that been what I was talking about, and it would be unlikely that I’d mention that piece of crap.
    I’m going to give that ANOES remake a try. I mean, why not? I’ll probably have all kinds of problems with it, and then I can lump it in with all of the others. Certainly not high on the priority list to see, but I’m just a big Freddy fan. Mat, I understand what you mean, but have you never felt violated like this before? Not picking on you here.

  • Sykodjiuia
    Posted March 1, 2010 at 11:31 pm | Permalink

    If I’m buttraped by Michael Bay once a week, I’m certainly not going around giving everyone the nasty details each time.

  • MaT
    Posted March 2, 2010 at 12:56 am | Permalink

    violated? I’m not sure what you’re getting at.

    All I was doing was making a commentary that the trailer looked stupid to me. Freddy looks and sounds retarded to me. I’m not sure why so many people are up in arms about this.

    It’s like some of you are on the Platinum Dunes payroll, or something :)

  • kris
    Posted March 2, 2010 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

    @Sykodjiuia

    Freddy has been “killed off” in every entry of the Elm Street series. Why should that stop them from making another sequel now? And seriously, how ridiculous is it to argue with someone over their impressions of a fucking trailer?

  • Prof. Bleak
    Posted March 2, 2010 at 6:09 pm | Permalink

    Well, from the number of posts this topic has received, I’m going to go out on a limb and say, even if the film sucks it’s going to have a huge opening weekend.

    Haven’t seen this much interest in a horror film in a long time.

  • Sykodjiuia
    Posted March 3, 2010 at 8:26 am | Permalink

    No, no arguement. Just that studios have been making garbage remakes for a long time, so more garbage shouldn’t be a surpise. Yeah, whenever one of these movies are released and they suck, people will have bitching parades, a lot of the time complaining about how they feel betrayed and on and on; often there will be literal comparisons between the original and remake.

    I’m not arguing with MaT here, or anyone else. I only wish that these shit-splatter studio efforts were disregarded rather than reviled over and over again at length each time. I don’t want to think about them in comparison to their originals (especially if I appreciate the original). I’d rather watch that original whenever I want, disregard the remake and the entire stink people have made over it.

    That, and I’m going to see this movie when it’s released. I don’t have much in the way of expectations and if I don’t like it, I’ll disregard it as well. I won’t revisit it, and if anyone asks I can let them know that it sucked. What’s the point of going any further than that?

  • MaT
    Posted March 3, 2010 at 8:31 am | Permalink

    The problem with your argument to “disregard” remakes is that there are, literally, hundreds of examples of Hollywood making great remakes.

    Hollywood has been remaking its own movies and properties since it started. And some of the best movies ever are remakes (including horror movies, by the way).

    So I think criticism of a remake is perfectly justifiable when there are so many examples of superb remakes out there. It’s one of those things where disappointment is created precisely because so many people KNOW it can be done properly.

  • Posted March 3, 2010 at 11:04 am | Permalink

    I’m going to wait till I see the movie until I give it final judgement HOWEVER this latest trailer isn’t all that great. Unlike the teaser we got last year this trailer doesn’t make me want to go watch that teaser did.
    Then again both Platimum Dunes Texas Chainsaw and Friday The 13th remakes were pretty good, this film could be wosre, Rob Zombie could be directing it.

  • Posted March 3, 2010 at 1:51 pm | Permalink

    All I want to add to all this is something I’m still trying to get people to keep in mind with the Saw series:

    This remake is not being marketed toward horror fans. There really aren’t that many of us, not in terms of returns on films costing millions of dollars to make.

    The original Nightmares, Fridays, and Halloweens made money by bringing in general audiences that don’t normally see horror movies regularly.

    Why do you think PD is remaking all the highest profile films?

    Sure, the horror fans are money in the bank for this, I’ll probably rent the DVD out of curiosity, but it’s not about fandom in the least.

    I’m going to give Platinum Dunes one more chance with this. If it’s also as bad as most of their other remakes have been, I’m not going to watch any more of their films. There’s no prejudice here, I gave them plenty of chances. It’s about track records.

    Same with Asylum. They burned me too many times, they’re not getting my money anymore. I don’t care about any sort of boycott, I’m an audience member and a consumer; if I don’t like what I paid for, I don’t buy it anymore.

  • Posted March 3, 2010 at 4:20 pm | Permalink

    @Fake Larry – Dude the Asylum just make shit hell even Fox tried to sue them over the Day The Earth Stopped.

  • Posted March 3, 2010 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    All I want to add to all this is something I’m still trying to get people to keep in mind with the Saw series:

    This remake is not being marketed toward horror fans. There really aren’t that many of us, not in terms of returns on films costing millions of dollars to make.

    I like your take on this, Larry. Who is this new ANOES movie “for?” It’s for teenagers and college kids going out on a date. It’s for the same person who was excited by Transformers 2. This trailer looks, to me, like it’ll hit that mark just fine.

    The Bay Transformers movies traded on a property that was well-known and well-loved and, strangely, were immensely successful despite not really being at all true to their rich IP.

    So, I guess I’m saying: PlatDunes is the Transformers of the horror genre. Accept it. Sure, don’t buy the tickets if you’re offended/disappointed by that notion, but it is what it is.

    At least Shia LeBouf isn’t in the flick.

  • MaT
    Posted March 3, 2010 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

    You can make the argument that every Hollywood horror remake targets the “general population” over the horror fan niche. That’s pretty obvious, really.

  • Posted March 4, 2010 at 9:17 am | Permalink

    Obvious, sure… but also true.

  • Freddy Krueger JR
    Posted March 4, 2010 at 9:37 pm | Permalink

    Ugh, I totally agree with ya.
    This New Freddy is gonna suck…
    Not even wasting my money on that piece of trash,
    if I ever want to see it, I’ll just wait for the piece of shit to show on TV for free. >.< In a year or Two. : ]

  • MaT
    Posted March 5, 2010 at 8:22 am | Permalink

    Hollywood caters to the general population….shocking! :)

    Also breaking: The sun is hot.

  • Posted June 23, 2010 at 5:37 pm | Permalink

    dispenses employ a superb site decent Gives thank you for the work to guide me

  • Floyd Freels
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 11:04 pm | Permalink

    Im sorry im a man of my word i will never watch this movie (teen*idol). I love A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). Its not that im not giving the remake a chance (Borpe) the movie has already been remade its called Wes Cravens New Nightmare it came out in 1994. So why do it again ? I like how you called horror movie fans stupid. I guess we are mindless sheep thats why we are always talking about movies and having so much concern about who directs them and so on. I guess we should just shut up (sn4tch) and go see what they tell us to see and not what we want to see because we are so stupid. Im sorry but no one can play Freddy Krueger other the Robert Englund.———— Love Floyd Freels. p.s. Fuck off !!!

  • Floyd Freels
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 11:12 pm | Permalink

    Im 35.—floyd Freels.

  • Posted August 24, 2010 at 2:38 am | Permalink

    Wow, Floyd really felt strongly about this topic :)

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