We had an Xbox Netflix Movie Party tonight. The film we decided to watch was The Gay Bed & Breakfast of Terror. It was a pretty fun time. We’ve done this a couple times in the past and one thing I notice is that it becomes really difficult to follow the plot when you are laughing and cracking jokes every other second.

From what we could gather, the plot of this movie revolves around a bunch of gay and lesbian couples who end up at a retreat run by a couple conservative Republicans who “hate THE GAYS”. They lure them to their retreat and systematically murder them with the help of a half man, half worm by the name of Manfred. The hideous looking mother who runs the bed and breakfast has a daughter who went lesbian with a nun and is trying to find the perfect gay dude to turn straight in order to cure her daughter of THE GAY. The mother even has a creepy shrine, complete with dozens of burning candles, to Bush, Cheney, Reagan, and Jesus. Slowly, and I mean slowly, the various characters are knocked off until the film ends with a hetero twist.

The movie is absolutely absurd and plays like a high school homage to John Waters. All the gay characters are exaggerated stereotypes as are the conservative bible thumper’s whose mission it is to murder them all. There’s a big infatuation with flowers in this movie that we didn’t quite catch why. It seems every frame has some sort of flower in it, whether it be the clothing, bed covers, wallpaper, etc. There is only one attractive woman in the entire flick (Shannon Lee) and much to everyone’s disappointment, she’s just a tease. The ladies get a lot of man ass and some brief glimpses of dong. There isn’t a whole lot of gore, but the film does have some interesting shots and occasionally shows off some competent filmmaking.

By no means is this movie good and it portrays gays and lesbians in a pretty poor light but it was pretty funny to watch with a group. I consider this Movie Party a success (even though there were numerous connection issues with Xbox that were a bit annoying). Hopefully we can make this a weekly thing. I’ve been banned from selecting the movies for a while, and Ronin has recommended James Cameron’s Aliens for our next viewing. I can get behind that. It’ll be interesting to watch a good movie with a big group. I predict we’ll just act out the entire movie alongside the rest of the actors. Dibs on Hudson.

Filed under: Commentary, Dead Lantern News | 3 Comments »

Splattercast #187 is up, wherein we try to come to terms with A Serbian Film. Please read Mat’s latest post, I’m pretty much in line with everything he’s said there. I also like this review from Cinematical. To quote their conclusion:

I cannot recommend Serbian Film to anyone. It is a movie that hard-core horror fans will be daring each other to endure for years to come. On an intellectual level, I think I can see and appreciate what it’s trying to do. But if I could unsee it, I would.

I have so much I could say; I was thinking about my little girl (she’s 4) and this picture she just drew for me. It’s me, and her and her little sister-to-be (my wife is due in about 2 months). In the picture, we’re all smiling and it’s just a cute little thing, you know? Typical thing a little kid would draw. She draws little cats and bunnies and fairies, etc. I’ve had this thought often: I love that this is what’s in her little head. Her mind is full of good things. Of course, you can’t shelter a kid forever; she’ll learn that sometimes some people are cruel and sometimes bad things happen and all that jazz. But mostly, it’s just bunnies and fairies right now. And that’s wonderful.

Now we, as adults, have a lot of control over what we put into our heads. I’m not saying horror movies are going to influence your behavior, like you’ll head over to the nearest summer camp and start chasing teens with a machete – I don’t really buy that at all. I am saying, though, that it just can’t be very good for your heart, mind or soul to watch some certain things. I mean, how can it be a net positive, in any way, to elect to put this into your head?

I’m not swearing off horror, of course not. However, I may spend the next few weeks reviewing my daughter’s Hello Kitty DVDs on the Splattercast, instead of whatever genre stuff we had on the docket.

I know it’s pretty lame to quote song lyrics on the internet, but the Bad Religion song, Marked, came to my mind:

if I’m a monster,
I am a willing one,
this roller coaster ride is an enticing one,
on the tip of a continuum flowing wavelike
through disorder carry me like a vessel to water

everything you see leaves a mark on your soul,
everything you feel leaves a mark on your soul,
everything you touch leaves a mark on your soul,
everything you make leaves a mark on your soul

if I can touch it,
I can destroy it,
if it’s imaginable to some degree,
I can become it,
like a hungry turning vortex that just flickers to existence,
consuming bits and pieces until I’m finally extinguished

everyone you see leaves a mark on your soul,
everyone you bare leaves a mark on your soul,
everyone you touch leaves a mark on your soul,
everyone you love leaves a mark on your soul

everything you take leaves a mark on your soul,
everything you give leaves a mark on your soul,
and all the fear and loneliness that’s impossible to control,
and every tear you cry leaves a mark on your soul

Filed under: Commentary, Foreign, Movies, Splattercast | 9 Comments »

When you download the next Splattercast (episode 187), you’re going to hear Jeff and I have a lengthy discussion about Srdjan Spasojevic’s A Serbian Film. It’s going to be a somewhat confusing discussion. On one hand, you’ll hear us praise the film as an achievement and an incredible experience in sheer horror. On the other hand, Jeff will urge you NOT to watch it (not in the “then I gotta see this” kind of way, but the “No dude, I’m serious. Please don’t watch this because I honestly care about you” kind of way). I will not go so far as to say not to watch it, but I do think it is important to know that you should be warned about what you’re going to see.

We sort of lose track on the discussion. T.J., Deejay, and Steve laugh at us as we try to describe, seriously, what the fuck we saw and why we are so adamant that the film, while incredible in what it does, is literally something that a lot of people probably shouldn’t see. Jeff is pretty into “extreme” horror. He goes out of his way to watch the harder edged stuff. I watch it, but am pretty jaded. People told me Martyrs was brutal, I was “meh, whatever” about it. I have never seen anything like what I saw in A Serbian Film. It takes the “Torture Porn” genre and effectively ends it. It’s done. Over. Nothing will top the images and actions that occur in this movie. It’s both a brilliant piece of film making in how it executes its premise and an undeniable exercise in sheer unadulterated horror. Normally, that would be great news right? If Mat says something like that, then I certainly got to run out and see it! No doubt there will be many of you that DO. The genre has a long history of pushing the boundaries of good taste and fans purposely seeking out that harder edged material precisely because someone tells them not to. This film will be no different. There will be visitors and listeners of our humble site and podcast that see this post and hear what Jeff and I say and flock to their closest torrent. But hear me out before you do, please…

This is a movie that could, potentially, fundamentally alter your perception of the horror genre. It’s a film so extreme in some of its imagery and actions taken upon its lead character that, frankly, may be out of bounds. There’s stuff in here that can’t be unseen once you’ve seen it, and it isn’t pleasant. Again, I’m not saying that you should never watch this movie. What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t watch it until you’ve got a full understanding and appreciation of the horror genre itself. There is stuff in this film that will make you rethink how you engage violence in the horror genre. Violence that you see from this point forward is going to be different than if you hadn’t seen A Serbian Film. It’s a film that could very well make you question yourself; why you feel the need to watch something like this in the first place.

There are going to be women who see this film and be absolutely horrified. Things that happen to them and children that, arguably, just go beyond the pale. Every horror fan is against censorship of any kind, and rightfully so. A Serbian Film should not be censored in any way, but some of the stuff that happens in this film will make you question why decisions were made to show it in the first place. That’s one of the weird, hypnotic powers of the film: it’s breathtaking in its sheer audacity and power to evoke horror while simultaneously making you feel like there is no way to argue or justify its existence (the director argues a metaphor for Serbian politics, but honestly, almost nobody not in Serbia is going to understand what those themes may or may not mean). There is a running theme of art, and what is art, prevalent throughout the movie. It’ll certainly make you think about lots of different things. Art, violence in cinema, the treatment of women, etc.

But it WILL forever change how you view horror. In some respects, it could turn out to be one of the most important horror films ever made if audiences react to it in the same way that Jeff and I did. We live in a day and age where the most extreme thing is always touted and hyped up, but that usually turns out to be a giant letdown. A Serbian Film is everything people are saying it is. It’s the most brutal exercise in pure emotional horror that I’ve ever seen in the genre. But it could be a bad thing to see this if you’re not ready. You’ll never look at horror movies quite the same way again. In some people that might be a minor shift (ex. the next act of violence you see in a Saw film will not affect you at all, thereby harming your potential enjoyment), but in others, it’ll be a large one (giving ammunition to the moral crusaders and causing a complete reassessment of why you enjoy seeing people tortured). It’s those people that we are “warning”. This takes a certain type of person to be able to sit through and a lot of horror fans, frankly, just aren’t going to be able to do it.

I know I sound totally hypocritical here. On one hand I’m saying the film is a triumph while also warning people to stay away until they are ready. Believe me, I know how that sounds. Once again, I am not telling you not to see it. In fact, the film probably needs to be seen. What I’m saying is that make sure you are ready. Make sure you’ve seen every film on your horror wishlist that you’ve ever wanted to see before you dive into this. Because no matter what happens, all of those films will be affected after  you’ve seen A Serbian Film. Things just might not pop for you like they would have. Some of the “brutal” stuff that might be in those films won’t be effective at all after seeing this movie. The bar has certainly been moved and that will change how you perceive other horror films from this point on.

Some of you will probably have no problem and this film isn’t going to effect every person the same way. But a lot of horror fans don’t know or understand what they are getting themselves into. It’s just a movie. We all know that. There is an inherent falseness to it. It’s not “real”. But there is imagery in this movie that will just make you feel bad. Gross. Uncomfortable. Disgusted. And you’ll probably question why you would WANT to feel that way? Why seek out something that is so disturbing and cruel towards other human beings? For entertainment? People get slaughtered in Hostel, and we call that entertainment. But the stuff that happens in A Serbian Film is so transgressive and so beyond what has been shown in a “torture” film that it becomes an endurance of brutality and human suffering. The paradox being that it is so incredibly effective at what it does, that how can you not call it “good”?

I’m still batting this film around. I just saw it today. It’s possible that my opinions may change over the coming weeks. Maybe I’ll come to realize that I overestimated the films power. I hope so. But I’m a pretty jaded dude. I’ve seen everything and I was genuinely shocked by some of the things I saw in this film, and not in a good way. And if I can be stunned by an act of violence, then you can be sure that a lot of you will probably take it a lot harder than I did.

And that’s all I’m saying. Just be ready for it. Jeff would tell you to never watch this, and I can definitely see where he is coming from with that assessment. I have a feeling that when this movie hits American shores, the horror genre is going to be attacked like it never has before. We need to be there to defend it. You just know some politician is going to get their hands on this movie and all hell is going to break loose. I will absolutely defend this movie, but I hope there are enough horror fans out there with the intellectual capacity to stand up to the coming storm (just wait until Fox News gets a hold of this ). Please, watch everything you’ve ever wanted to see before A Serbian Film. Resist the urge to see it “just because everyone else has”. Trust me. The film will be there when you’re ready.

Filed under: Commentary | 34 Comments »

A neat post from Professor Bleak on our forum. Pretty interesting to take a minute and reflect on the value of things, especially pieces of art/media in this day and age of instant availability. Does something like Suspiria become less magical once it becomes effortlessly available at the touch of a button?

Bleak writes…

Back when I was a young lad in the very early 90′s, I was in college and working full time in a video store to help pay my tuition. You know what it’s like for a college student struggling to pay rent, buy groceries, and have enough pocket cash for a social life. It’s not easy, but it’s also a lot of fun.

It was also back at this time that videos were usually not released at a sale through price point, and if you wanted to own a movie you had to shell out anywhere from 80-100 bucks. Well, it was about this time that a film that I had been reading about for years and had never managed to see was released on VHS. That movie was Dario Argento’s SUSPIRIA. The video store I managed, a franchise based Ballbuster Video, at the time refused to carry the film due to it’s unrated nature. I could, however, order myself a personal copy for the rousing sum of $99.99.

It came down to a choice of buying the movie and eating nothing but egg sandwiches for a couple of weeks, or waiting a few months while I reasonably saved-up the funds to afford a copy. I was young and dumb so I chose to eat the egg sandwiches.

It was a tough couple of weeks, but when I opened the UPS box with my shinny new copy of Suspiria, all my hunger pains quickly vanished. That night, after class, I watched the film twice and was not disappointed. It was not my first Argento film, nor is it my favorite, but at the time I was completely blown away by its operatic colors and sounds. Also, I think I might have fallen a bit in love with Jessica Harper.

Well, times have changed. Today, Suspiria is available on Netflix Instant.

Filed under: Commentary, Movies, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Via Joystiq. Kind of interesting to think about, as far as completely unimportant topics go.

In the “Games as art” debate that seems to never end, the number one opponent of our industry’s medium of choice being considered art (at least “high art“) has been renowned film critic Roger Ebert. Since he made his initial declaratory statements about video games many years ago, folks have piped up on both sides of the argument. Ebert’s latest volley in the long-running discussion is a piece published on the Chicago Sun-Times website in response to thatgamecompany prez Kellee Santiago’s TED talk at USC last summer.

While he allows Santiago many pleasantries and compliments throughout the piece, he argues that, regardless of her various points, games “can never be art.” At the very least, he says, “No video gamer now living will survive long enough to experience the medium as an art form.” He contests that games consist of “rules, points, objectives, and an outcome,” which stands in contrast to his somewhat ambiguous definition of what, exactly, art is. In a moment of seeming clarity at the end of his piece, he asks: “Why are gamers so intensely concerned, anyway, that games be defined as art? Bobby Fischer, Michael Jordan and Dick Butkus never said they thought their games were an art form.” And while we might not agree with all of Mr. Ebert’s points, we can certainly find common ground with his wondering why the debate over games as art is still such a topic of concern among gamers (ourselves included).

Filed under: Art, Commentary, Video Games | 15 Comments »

This is a huge night to be a Democrat. Whether you agree with the HCR bill or not, this is a huge historical moment. Health Care is the central issue for Democrats as a party. Despite all the claims that this couldn’t be done, Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid actually did it. This is why so many people voted in ’08 and become involved in the process. This is why Democrats ultimately rejected Hillary Clinton and went with Obama. We believed him when he said he’d deliver. It’s such a weird feeling, to be a Democrat, and actually see the party pass a major piece of legislation instead of letting Republicans walk all over them.

Is this bill perfect? Do I agree with everything in it? No. It’ll be tweaked and changed in the coming years. Liberals didn’t get the public option that they wanted. Stuff like that will continue to be worked on in the future, but for Democrats, we accomplished something. And that’s really exciting and energizing and I think that will change the game a bit from all the doom and gloom predictions for November. Nobody will honestly know whether or not this bill worked until ten years down the road. Maybe it’ll fail and need to be reworked in future congresses. No matter how loud the Rush’s and Beck’s of the world shout that it will cause Armageddon for the country, they don’t really know. We’ll have to wait and see. It’ll either fail or succeed. But what if it does succeed? From this point forward, Democrats, for better or worse, are the party of health care. They own the success and failure. Not a single Republican would support a bill that had over 200 Republican amendments. And let’s be honest, there is nothing Democrats could have done to get their support. We have a different philosophy than Republicans. I understand that. I respect that. A lot of conservatives have valid criticisms of the bill. Even liberals have criticisms of the bill. But I think even conservatives can relate to the feeling of success that comes with your representatives accomplishing something big. Maybe the Bush tax cuts were that for conservatives. Health Care is that for liberals. If this bill succeeds in accomplishing even half of what is claimed and expected, the Republican party will have defined themselves in a way that will benefit the Democratic party for decades to come.

But I don’t know what will happen. Right now though, I’m just going to bask in the good feelings that come with accomplishment. Somewhere, Ted Kennedy is smiling.

Obama said he’d bring change. Whether you like him or not, he delivered. We won.

Filed under: Commentary, News | 5 Comments »

I didn’t see as much stuff as I wanted to this month. Bioshock 2 came out and the Splatcademy Awards work started. And I had the T-Virus for over a week, in which I would just randomly fall asleep all the time. What I lacked in time to watch feature lengths, I probably made up for with The Office and Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Easier to digest shorter TV entertainment than 2 hour movies sometimes.

Anyways, here’s what I watched in sequential order. Orange means worth your time, Red means essential viewing.

(more…)

Filed under: Commentary, MaT's Stuff, Reviews, Shit I Missed, Watch Lists | 10 Comments »

A new trailer for the ANOES remake is out. It’s about two and a half minutes long, so it gives a decent amount of content for you to justify whether or not this will be worth a theater viewing.

It looks…really plain and ordinary to me. It looks like everything has been recycled, only this time with a bunch of generic “teen” actors. The footage of the death setups; the “classic” kills that are being remade; seems utterly uninspiring to me.

Oh, and I know everybody likes Jackie Earl Haley. He was phenomenal as Rorschach and I’ve been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt even as mounting evidence piles up that he’s going to suck as Freddy. I’m just going to say it: I hate the voice.  When he delivers that “I haven’t even cut you yet” line, I just cringed. Even his body language seems out of whack. It feels like his movements seem too robotic; telegraphed for “scariness”; instead of the more organic movements of Robert Englund.

If Freddy is not good, it’s game over. Freddy is not Leatherface, Michael Myers, or Jason. He’s not just a mindless killing machine with no personality. He’s an actual person. A pissed off person who brings cockiness, swagger, and fun to his role as a killer. He’s also not only a horror icon, but a cultural icon as well. Freddy Krueger is probably more popular and well known to the general public than the other three combined. And that’s because of Robert Englund and the charisma and all around awesomeness that he brought to the role. There’s a reason why the American Film Institute recognizes Freddy as one of the top 50 cinema villains of all-time. Think about that for a minute. Freddy Krueger has been honored as one of the greatest villains in the history of all cinema. Sure, horror fans take the character for granted, but there is a larger picture to the character that most people don’t even contemplate. You can always argue with lists, but just the fact that he made it on there is a testament to the power and impact that this character has had culturally. AFI is infamous for treating horror as not even worthy of their time and energy. In other words, getting Freddy right is essential.

In that sense, Jackie Earle Haley has no shot at meeting expectations.  I certainly hope that what has been shown in the trailers isn’t representative of what’s in the final product. I’m rooting for Haley, really, I am. But I’m getting warning signs everywhere that this will be an utter trainwreck. It’ll look slick, just like every Platinum Dunes production, but I’m worried that the filmmakers are going to totally miss the tone, atmosphere, and “realness” that makes not only Freddy, but the Nightmare films in general, work.

And the real disappointment is that Robert Englund is here. He could have remade his own role and brought it back to the first couple of movies, when Krueger was still seen as “scary”. Hell, if the filmmakers insisted on altering his voice, then they could have done so. Krueger sounds way more guttural and hellish in the first film because of the voice filters Craven put on him. He sounds nothing like he does in the later films. At least if they went that route, we’d still have Englund, who knows how to make Krueger move; to make his character come alive. So if Haley misses as Krueger, it’ll be even more bitter knowing that the real Krueger could have made the remake something interesting.

Right now, this whole thing looks like a big misfire. I’m hoping I’m wrong. But damn if I just can’t be anything but skeptical about what I’ve seen of Haley so far. What do you guys think?

Filed under: Commentary | 75 Comments »