Mat’s February 2010 Watchlist

I didn’t see as much stuff as I wanted to this month. Bioshock 2 came out and the Splatcademy Awards work started. And I had the T-Virus for over a week, in which I would just randomly fall asleep all the time. What I lacked in time to watch feature lengths, I probably made up for with The Office and Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Easier to digest shorter TV entertainment than 2 hour movies sometimes.

Anyways, here’s what I watched in sequential order. Orange means worth your time, Red means essential viewing.

(more…)

A Nightmare on Meh Street

A new trailer for the ANOES remake is out. It’s about two and a half minutes long, so it gives a decent amount of content for you to justify whether or not this will be worth a theater viewing.

It looks…really plain and ordinary to me. It looks like everything has been recycled, only this time with a bunch of generic “teen” actors. The footage of the death setups; the “classic” kills that are being remade; seems utterly uninspiring to me.

Oh, and I know everybody likes Jackie Earl Haley. He was phenomenal as Rorschach and I’ve been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt even as mounting evidence piles up that he’s going to suck as Freddy. I’m just going to say it: I hate the voice.  When he delivers that “I haven’t even cut you yet” line, I just cringed. Even his body language seems out of whack. It feels like his movements seem too robotic; telegraphed for “scariness”; instead of the more organic movements of Robert Englund.

If Freddy is not good, it’s game over. Freddy is not Leatherface, Michael Myers, or Jason. He’s not just a mindless killing machine with no personality. He’s an actual person. A pissed off person who brings cockiness, swagger, and fun to his role as a killer. He’s also not only a horror icon, but a cultural icon as well. Freddy Krueger is probably more popular and well known to the general public than the other three combined. And that’s because of Robert Englund and the charisma and all around awesomeness that he brought to the role. There’s a reason why the American Film Institute recognizes Freddy as one of the top 50 cinema villains of all-time. Think about that for a minute. Freddy Krueger has been honored as one of the greatest villains in the history of all cinema. Sure, horror fans take the character for granted, but there is a larger picture to the character that most people don’t even contemplate. You can always argue with lists, but just the fact that he made it on there is a testament to the power and impact that this character has had culturally. AFI is infamous for treating horror as not even worthy of their time and energy. In other words, getting Freddy right is essential.

In that sense, Jackie Earle Haley has no shot at meeting expectations.  I certainly hope that what has been shown in the trailers isn’t representative of what’s in the final product. I’m rooting for Haley, really, I am. But I’m getting warning signs everywhere that this will be an utter trainwreck. It’ll look slick, just like every Platinum Dunes production, but I’m worried that the filmmakers are going to totally miss the tone, atmosphere, and “realness” that makes not only Freddy, but the Nightmare films in general, work.

And the real disappointment is that Robert Englund is here. He could have remade his own role and brought it back to the first couple of movies, when Krueger was still seen as “scary”. Hell, if the filmmakers insisted on altering his voice, then they could have done so. Krueger sounds way more guttural and hellish in the first film because of the voice filters Craven put on him. He sounds nothing like he does in the later films. At least if they went that route, we’d still have Englund, who knows how to make Krueger move; to make his character come alive. So if Haley misses as Krueger, it’ll be even more bitter knowing that the real Krueger could have made the remake something interesting.

Right now, this whole thing looks like a big misfire. I’m hoping I’m wrong. But damn if I just can’t be anything but skeptical about what I’ve seen of Haley so far. What do you guys think?

You can’t get enough of drama, can you?

While horror podcasters have been embroiled in their own high school drama the past couple of weeks, something far more interesting has been exploding with a genre icon: Fangoria.

I noticed a couple days ago that the Fangoria website was down. (You should check out their hilariously unprofessional new site) I was making the rounds and sending out press releases for the Splatcademy Awards and, naturally, wanted to hit them up with the info. I didn’t think much about it because, really, I don’t give a shit about Fango anymore. It has sucked for a long time and there’s no reason to pay the outrageous price tag for eighty pages of advertisements for shitty films.

Then today, Professor Bleak posted a link on our forum to a long behind-the-scenes, drama filled blog post about the implosion of Fangoria. No offense to that guy, because I totally believe him when he says he put in a lot of time and effort on Fango’s site…but Fango’s website sucked. I don’t know anything about web design but that thing was just brutal to look at. There was mindless shit everywhere and the interface was confusing. It was hard to find anything you wanted so I don’t have much sympathy when he gives his sob story of how the big mean “print” people looked down on him. Frankly, I’d be pretty embarrassed to put my name to it.

It just goes to show that no matter how petty and immature a lot of podcasters can get, drama exists on the highest planes of horror. We’re talking an actual business here, with employees and cash flow…and this kind of shit is going on? Wow. Ryan Rotten of Shock Till You Drop  did a sort of “pro-Fango” editorial that certainly sees the glass as half full. You can tell the guy is good friends with Timpone and Gingold and that he doesn’t want to burn any bridges, but when is it time for some respected genre personality to say “Dudes, you totally ran this great franchise into the ground”? Where are the big filmmakers and industry fans that will put aside their need for cheap promotion for their latest shitty films to stand up and decry what has happened to Fango?

Everyone seems to agree that Fangoria sucks nowadays. Even supporters say it’s “lost its way”. Why does Fango suck?  This is why. That cover alone is enough for me to totally accept that the Fango I knew and loved is dead. The day Twilight makes an appearance in Fango is the day the magazine should die.  I’ve moved on and most of its readers have as well. We’ll still have fond memories, of course, but Timpone and company have succeeded in completely destroying the brand name that was once so effective (and has now been replaced by Rue Morgue, get over it HorrorHound readers). Who’s running this shit, Charles Band? The nail in Fangoria’s coffin was their refusal to embrace the internet and switch to a daily news machine that capitalized on its industry heavy name and contacts, and its refusal to change the magazine to a more commentary driven vehicle with a focus on smart, genre intensive articles. I’m not saying Fango should have turned into the Cahiers du Cinema of horror mags, but any idgit could see that you need to adapt and change relative to what is going on around you. Rue Morgue did that (though I personally feel they fail more than they suceed), Timpone decided that the name was really all that mattered and decided to put his focus on allowing the worst filmmakers ever a venue for their shitty movies. Frankly, Timpone and Gingold should have been fired years ago. Maybe they’re great guys in person, but they obviously can’t handle running a company and that should have been identified before any of this got this far.

Fangoria is dead. D. E. A. D. The name may hold some nostalgia for horror fans that grew up in the eighties, but now, who cares? That rag’s just a waste of good trees. Fango will never have a major web presence because now there are so many other sites that do the “daily news” thing and are so plugged into the industry that not only will they be years behind if they relaunch, but I can’t possibly see them offering anything of value, thus “taking” other well established sites’ readers. The only way the magazine comes back from the dead is if they take a year long break, fire Timpone and everyone else involved, put some actual thought into revamping and revitalizing what has become stale and unimportant, and most importantly, hire smart and intelligent horror writers. Believe it or not, if Fango took a break and put some effort into reinventing themselves, there are still plenty of horror fans out their that would jump at the chance to make this rag respectable again. Even if it’s only bi-monthly or quarterly.

This won’t happen, though. I’m sure Timpone will hold on to whatever he can just so he can continue getting pity sex from goth horror whores. The day Fangoria died was when it became so ridiculous and irrelevant that the people who grew up loving it just stopped caring. And that happened years ago.

The Most Dangerous Game: Horror Podcasting

Note that I speak for myself here and my opinions/comments in no way reflect the other Splattercast co-hosts. This is going to be a really long commentary on all sorts of things podcasting related. It meanders, but I don’t care. You’ve been warned :)

There’s an amusing documentary called Dig! which is about two bands that loved each other: The Dandy Warhols and the Brian Jonestown Massacre. Once the Warhols got a sweet major label record deal and got popular, BJM turned against them and now they are mortal enemies. You’d think it would be easy to root for people you like, but it seems many people are hardwired for jealousy and envy.

About a year ago there was this thing called the Horror Podcasting Network. You might remember it. There were big plans for it. We even put on a Left 4 Dead Night. The idea was to get all of the horror podcasts together in one big spot for self promotion and to grow the community. It was a good idea and concept. Unfortunately, the guy who started it was a dickhead whiner that went behind my back and started saying false shit about the Splattercast to other podcasts causing me to go Super Saiyan. I’m the kind of person that once I’ve been crossed, there’s no going back. Any further interaction with me will not have a happy ending. I had actually written up a long statement that fully explained everything that happened with HPN (and which I just went back and reread for nostalgia) and planned on posting it to DL only to have multiple other podcasts request that I not do that for fear that it would make all of HPN look bad. Fine. A 2nd attempt was then made to bring HPN back from the ashes. A few podcasts attempted to pick up the pieces (us included) and spent a lot of work drafting up a charter and whatnot to hopefully avoid that situation in the future. Unfortunately, more drama occurred when some of the podcasts who weren’t directly involved in creating the charter felt slighted and started more nonsense (good news, I wasn’t responsible for that one! lol). In the end, the whole thing crashed and burned in a fiery inferno of hurt feelings, dismissive attitudes, and high school bickering.

(more…)

Proof that college film professors are stuffy

One of my favorite film sites is Senses of Cinema. It’s one of the only places on the internet where you can find real, interesting critical theory of films from really intelligent and knowledgeable people (there’s an article on Antichrist up right now). The writers and contributors to the site recently released their “World Poll” of the top films of 2009. Two of my film professors submitted their list and it’s always fun to find out the preferences of the people instructing you on film (unfortunately, the professor I’m most interested in just didn’t submit this year). So here you go:

Gwendolyn Foster’s picks

Wheeler Winston Dixon’s picks

Husband and wife unite in their dismissive attitudes towards Inglourious Basterds :)

(more…)

The Best Horror Films of 2009 (MaT’s picks)

2009 was a pretty ho-hum year for the horror genre, in my opinion. A couple really good things stood out in a sea of mediocrity. Not that mediocrity can’t be entertaining (listen to the Splattercast on a weekly basis and you’ll learn that quickly). To be fair, I still haven’t seen everything I want to, so this Top 10 list isn’t really a definitive “best of” so much as it is a list of the films I enjoyed the most of those that I’ve seen. “Definitive” lists of films are best done a few years after the fact, once time, thought, and perspective have set in. It’s quite possible that in a few years I’ll forget some, if not most, of the films on this list and once I’ve actually seen a good 5-10 other well received flicks that I haven’t gotten around to yet, this might not even accurately reflect how I feel about this year’s genre offerings. Nevertheless, people love lists, so here’s mine in all of its glory. Only a few of these movies I’d watch again, but isn’t there an unwritten rule somewhere that you have to have a “top 10″?

(more…)

Phantom Menace Analyzed

Mat posted this video in the forum and it’s pretty great. Kill some time this weekend watching this multi-part analysis/review of The Phantom Menace.

A whole lotta Dyanne Thorne today…

Ilsa3Has any podcast ever done the Ilsa franchise? I hope we’re the first. There are four total flicks in the series: She Wolf of the SS, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks, The Tigress of Siberia, and The Wicked Warden. The final two are a little confusing as to which is the official canonized entry. Tigress was apparently produced by Roger Corman and Ivan Reitman (?!) and unfortunately wasn’t included in the Anchor Bay box set that I purchased a couple years back (according to imdb, because the current rights holders wouldn’t sell the film), but I’ve read that it is the “official” sequel to Harem Keeper. Then again, Jess Franco’s supposedly “unofficial” entry, The Wicked Warden, was not only released before Tigress, but is included in the official box set and is actively marketed as an official sequel.

I am looking at the DVD’s right now and Anchor Bay markets all of them as being “Complete and Uncut”, they are presented in widescreen, and all three films have audio commentary by Dyanne Thorne with, depending on the film, Don Edmonds, Dave Friedman, Howard Maurer, and “moderated by humorist Martin Lewis”. I’m wondering if I should just watch all these films with the commentary tracks on? These are probably the kind of movies that are more interesting when you hear the stories about how they were made than if you seriously tried to watch them.

I’m usually against that kind of thing. As a rule, I never watch a film with a commentary track before I’ve seen the movie. Unfortunately, Netflix doesn’t have the DVD’s and I don’t think any of the other guys are going to be able to access a commentary track when they watch the flicks. And I’m certainly  not going to watch all these movies twice. Plus, listening to what Dyanne Thorne has to say about the films will probably enhance the Splattercast a bit. It’s been a while since I’ve seen She Wolf, but I’ve got no clue as to what to expect with the other flicks. I’m excited and scared at what I’ll see…

So with that, time to fire up Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS!