Oh, the horror.

One of the unique things about horror fans is the amount of pure unadulterated garbage that we put up with each year. There are probably more horror films put out every year than all other genres combined. From big Hollywood spectacles down to lowest no-budget indie film, the horror genre is popular precisely because it is so accessible. Anybody can make one. Grab some friends, pick up some corn syrup and food coloring, follow an established template and boom…you’ve got yourself a horror movie. Because of this ease of creation, there is so much bad in horror. It’s almost an impossibility to create a “definitive” worst list because, frankly, there are so many pieces of garbage out there that nobody can honestly say they’ve seen them all. Just a list of the 10 no-budget home videos that have been released in the past month would work.

But you expect those movies to suck, so in my mind, a true “worst of the year” listing has got to take into account other factors. Films with lots of hype. Films with high expectations that didn’t deliver. Big name franchises known for quality that were sullied by sequels. It’s easy to pile on some no name filmmaker who made a $500 shit film, but filmmakers who actually have the resources, actors, and clout; people we expect to make something decent; those films are truly worthy of a “worst film” label.

So, below are my top 10 worst horror films of the year. There were certainly worse films in a technical sense, but these were the films I felt to be total abject failures

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Dudes, I swear, I like Kevin Smith. I think Clerks is a riot and when SModcast came out, I was very impressed with how KS just seemed to instantly master the podcast format. I enjoy a lot of the guy’s output.

So, with that disclaimer out of the way, I have to say that this new trailer for his upcoming foray into horror looks just terrible. Seems like it’s going to be another grimy survivalist/torture flick with some psycho religious weirdos as the antagonists. I was talking about it in our IRC channel and I think KS is a phenomenal conversationalist but his writing sucks when he tries to have characters actually go do stuff. That’s why Clerks “works,” it’s just a bunch of conversations. His other movies are fun/funny when it’s just the dialogue, but when he gets into trying to convey some point or message via the characters’ actions… it’s a fail.

I dunno. This isn’t like me, I don’t typically grumble about stuff like this. Live and let live, y’know? I guess I just wanted to get in early and stake my claim on Red State sucking. Maybe that’s not so bold a position. What do you guys think? Are you KS fans, do you think KS can do horror?

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2010 recap:

• Rape. Lots of it. Whether it was A Serbian Film, Someone’s Knocking at the Door, Splice or I Spit on Your Grave, rape was all over horror this year. Can’t say I enjoyed this trend.
• Remakes and Sequels sucking, badly. Usually you can count on a few above average remakes and some decent sequels each year. This time around, almost all of them struck out, and struck out badly.
• The “Twilight-ification” of Horror Myth. I don’t believe this phenomenon actually exists. In fact, I think it was created by horror fans as a way to cope with what they perceived as a disappointing year. Fans needed something to direct their anger on. Blaming Twilight for all the ills of the world was their way of doing that. Bitching about Twilight is lame, people.
• Documentaries. Remember when we used to say “Man, I wish there were some rad documentaries about horror”? Well, there were a million of them this year, and all were watchable.
• The end of “Torture Porn”. This subgenre is nearly extinct. A Serbian Film is like the Kiss Me Deadly of torture porn. A nearly dead genre that goes out with a cinematic bang (literally).
• The rise of horror television (The Walking Dead, Dexter, True Blood, Supernatural, etc.)

2009 was a really great year for horror. We always like to point out on the Splattercast that our genre is so vibrant precisely because it is so varied. It’s the only genre where comedy can co-exist under the same umbrella as a grossout torture flick. 2009 delivered a plethora of above average to great films in all different permutations of horror. Paranormal Activity was the little indie film that could, garnering huge critical and commercial success while delivering genuine moments of terror…without blood and guts. If you love fun horror, Sam Raimi was there to give you a modern Tales from the Crypt story with Drag Me to Hell. If you were into harder edged foreign stuff, you got Martyrs. Kids got the wonderful Coraline. Vampire fans could sink their teeth into Thirst. Zombie fans actually got something original with Pontypool. Slasher fans got to enjoy My Bloody Valentine in throwback 3D . Chicks got Jennifer’s Body, and Grace. If artsy is your thing, Antichrist was your film. There were other outstanding films like

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House of the Devil, Trick ‘r Treat, and many others. Horror television really hit its stride with Dexter and True Blood. And of course, who could forget Julianna Guill’s boobs? If you really think about it, 2009 spoiled a lot of horror fans. Even if you didn’t like many of the films, there was no denying that horror had something for everyone and on top of a bunch of really neat indie and foreign films, Hollywood actually brought something to the table. All around, it was good to be a horror fan in 2009. And naturally, everyone was excited to see what would blow our socks off in 2010…

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Just finishing up Saw IV. Mat, Steve, and Jeff are Drunk, It’s a good time.

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Reassessing beloved genre films is always a touchy subject. Oftentimes, a film is critically acclaimed, a lot of people say they love it, and it enters the public discourse as a “great” film. From that point forward it usually takes on a life of its own. A “great” horror film is something you are supposed to worship at the alter of, regardless of whether or not you like it. This is certainly true for some films, others not so much. Sometimes a movie is released during a time of relative subpar activity and quality. It can turn an “ok” film into a “great” film simply by the lack of quality surrounding it. Once these films enter the “Great” stratosphere, it’s hard to shake that label. It becomes incumbent upon a critic to reassess and reevaluate and say “Wait a minute, maybe we were a little off base with our proclamations of excellence.”

I’m still debating whether or not to see the newly reformed Hammer Films’ first wide release, Let Me In, a remake of Tomas Alfredson’s widely acclaimed 2008 Swedish flick Let the Right One In. Unfortunately for Hammer, their remake absolutely bombed at the box office (doing worse than Case 39, a film that was made in 2006 and was thrown into theaters to try and make a quick buck, capitalizing on the October spirit) but it made me wonder: how good is this movie, really? With that in mind I went back and took a look at the original film which has really gone without any serious critical interpretation. It’s sort of coasted on its “greatness” since its release (even winning 4 Splatcademy Awards including Best Film a couple years back). Let’s see how it holds up…

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Via boingboing. (hat-tip, O)

Famed filmmaker Jean-Luc Godard has thrown a pile of euros into the pot for some French dude’s defense re: downloading mp3s. I’d be lying if I said I knew much about Godard’s work; I only know that he’s considered to be an important filmmaker. I like seeing content creators’ takes on the issue.

boingboing notes, Godard is often credited with having once said, “It’s not where you take things from—it’s where you take them to.”

I am against Hadopi [the French internet-copyright law, or its attendant agency], of course. There is no such thing as intellectual property. I’m against the inheritance [of works], for example. An artist’s children could benefit from the copyright of their parents’ works, say, until they reach the age of majority… But afterward, it’s not clear to me why Ravel’s children should get any income from Bolero… 

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We had an Xbox Netflix Movie Party tonight. The film we decided to watch was The Gay Bed & Breakfast of Terror. It was a pretty fun time. We’ve done this a couple times in the past and one thing I notice is that it becomes really difficult to follow the plot when you are laughing and cracking jokes every other second.

From what we could gather, the plot of this movie revolves around a bunch of gay and lesbian couples who end up at a retreat run by a couple conservative Republicans who “hate THE GAYS”. They lure them to their retreat and systematically murder them with the help of a half man, half worm by the name of Manfred. The hideous looking mother who runs the bed and breakfast has a daughter who went lesbian with a nun and is trying to find the perfect gay dude to turn straight in order to cure her daughter of THE GAY. The mother even has a creepy shrine, complete with dozens of burning candles, to Bush, Cheney, Reagan, and Jesus. Slowly, and I mean slowly, the various characters are knocked off until the film ends with a hetero twist.

The movie is absolutely absurd and plays like a high school homage to John Waters. All the gay characters are exaggerated stereotypes as are the conservative bible thumper’s whose mission it is to murder them all. There’s a big infatuation with flowers in this movie that we didn’t quite catch why. It seems every frame has some sort of flower in it, whether it be the clothing, bed covers, wallpaper, etc. There is only one attractive woman in the entire flick (Shannon Lee) and much to everyone’s disappointment, she’s just a tease. The ladies get a lot of man ass and some brief glimpses of dong. There isn’t a whole lot of gore, but the film does have some interesting shots and occasionally shows off some competent filmmaking.

By no means is this movie good and it portrays gays and lesbians in a pretty poor light but it was pretty funny to watch with a group. I consider this Movie Party a success (even though there were numerous connection issues with Xbox that were a bit annoying). Hopefully we can make this a weekly thing. I’ve been banned from selecting the movies for a while, and Ronin has recommended James Cameron’s Aliens for our next viewing. I can get behind that. It’ll be interesting to watch a good movie with a big group. I predict we’ll just act out the entire movie alongside the rest of the actors. Dibs on Hudson.

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Splattercast #187 is up, wherein we try to come to terms with A Serbian Film. Please read Mat’s latest post, I’m pretty much in line with everything he’s said there. I also like this review from Cinematical. To quote their conclusion:

I cannot recommend Serbian Film to anyone. It is a movie that hard-core horror fans will be daring each other to endure for years to come. On an intellectual level, I think I can see and appreciate what it’s trying to do. But if I could unsee it, I would.

I have so much I could say; I was thinking about my little girl (she’s 4) and this picture she just drew for me. It’s me, and her and her little sister-to-be (my wife is due in about 2 months). In the picture, we’re all smiling and it’s just a cute little thing, you know? Typical thing a little kid would draw. She draws little cats and bunnies and fairies, etc. I’ve had this thought often: I love that this is what’s in her little head. Her mind is full of good things. Of course, you can’t shelter a kid forever; she’ll learn that sometimes some people are cruel and sometimes bad things happen and all that jazz. But mostly, it’s just bunnies and fairies right now. And that’s wonderful.

Now we, as adults, have a lot of control over what we put into our heads. I’m not saying horror movies are going to influence your behavior, like you’ll head over to the nearest summer camp and start chasing teens with a machete – I don’t really buy that at all. I am saying, though, that it just can’t be very good for your heart, mind or soul to watch some certain things. I mean, how can it be a net positive, in any way, to elect to put this into your head?

I’m not swearing off horror, of course not. However, I may spend the next few weeks reviewing my daughter’s Hello Kitty DVDs on the Splattercast, instead of whatever genre stuff we had on the docket.

I know it’s pretty lame to quote song lyrics on the internet, but the Bad Religion song, Marked, came to my mind:

if I’m a monster,
I am a willing one,
this roller coaster ride is an enticing one,
on the tip of a continuum flowing wavelike
through disorder carry me like a vessel to water

everything you see leaves a mark on your soul,
everything you feel leaves a mark on your soul,
everything you touch leaves a mark on your soul,
everything you make leaves a mark on your soul

if I can touch it,
I can destroy it,
if it’s imaginable to some degree,
I can become it,
like a hungry turning vortex that just flickers to existence,
consuming bits and pieces until I’m finally extinguished

everyone you see leaves a mark on your soul,
everyone you bare leaves a mark on your soul,
everyone you touch leaves a mark on your soul,
everyone you love leaves a mark on your soul

everything you take leaves a mark on your soul,
everything you give leaves a mark on your soul,
and all the fear and loneliness that’s impossible to control,
and every tear you cry leaves a mark on your soul

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