“Isabelle“, the latest film from Dead Lantern Pictures!

What’s it about? If you saw Outpost Doom, you’ll know that we were going for an old-school feel, both in terms of the look of the film and with the story. Outpost Doom isn’t a violent film, but Isabelle is. Decidedly so. Like, violent to the extreme. Whereas OD was interested in mood and atmosphere, Izzy is interested in violence and gore (coupled with a great story, as well!).

Many of you know that both The Grand Horror and Outpost Doom take place within the same “universe” and our new film is no different. In terms of what Isabelle brings to the table, the film will flesh out more details of what exactly is going on with the “darkness” and show why monsters are taking over the world. The film actually takes place, before and during the darkness event, so you’ll see exactly how it all goes down. And a few characters and locations seen in both The Grand Horror and Outpost Doom will be making appearances…

Though one of the intentions of Isabelle is to link the Dead Lantern film universe together and show how these events connect together, the main goal is to deliver an entertaining and streamlined experience. So as you see what’s happening in the greater world at large and how that relates to the other films, the heart of the movie is a slasher…

It’s not a spoiler to say that Isabelle Wakeworth is re-animated by the darkness event that covers the world and is only vaguely hinted at in TGH and OD. You’ll see  a lot of slasher conventions in the film. Sex, drugs, shower scenes, and young people getting brutally murdered are high points that will definitely hit upon. But we didn’t want this to be a generic slasher film. There’s going to be a lot of stuff in the film that you probably won’t expect. Traditional, stereotyped characters that do things you don’t normally see in slashers. We spent a lot of time making sure that the story goes in new directions and isn’t just an homage to some random Friday the 13h film. I think you’ll like what you see…

So when will you see it? We’ll be filming most weekends for the foreseeable future. We’re going to take our time with the film. We’ll shoot behind the scenes videos and post pictures from the production from time to time, but the earliest you’ll see the film will be next year. But you will see something in the near future and that will be the prologue, which we are filming later this month. The prologue takes place in 1952 and will be shot in black and white (the main film will be in gory color). It shows the demise of Isabelle and the aftermath of her initial wave of destruction across Hollowbrook. Once we have it complete, we’ll be posting the entire prologue on Kickstarter.com. From there, you will get to become partners in the rest of the film. If you like what you see, you’ll be offered the chance to donate to the film to help us reach a budget for the rest of the movie. All donations will get you something in return. For example, maybe you donate a couple bucks and that gets you a free t-shirt. Or maybe you donate a little more and get a free DVD. Or maybe your very own Isabelle doll, complete with bloody knife, for your young child. Or maybe a producer credit. Skim around the kickstarter pages and you’ll get the idea.

So you can expect us to be talking about the movie as the months progress. We’re excited to begin filming at the end of the month. Stay tuned!

The DVD was supposed to be ready this month, but of course, we never meet our deadlines. So maybe next month…or the month after…who knows?

Also, Deejay wants you to know that The Grand Horror is available for 2 bucks on Amazon. Just like Charles Band, we’ve discovered some unsold original TGH DVD’s that were hanging out inside a musty old trunk underneath the stairs of Spooky McPhee’s haunted mansion. There’s been talk of bundling them with OD, or maybe taking them to Horrorhound Weekend in November where we might have a DL booth set up.

Some of you may know that we are prepping a new film this summer. It’s actually going to link the events of TGH and OD into our mythology. Whereas both of those films took place after the darkness event, our new film will take place before, during, and immediately after and will include characters and locations from the first two films to give you a bigger sense of what exactly is going on with all the monsters running around the greater world at large. All of this will be wrapped around the coolest slasher film you’ve ever seen. More info on that in the coming weeks….

Big things are on the horizon from Dead Lantern Pictures!

jc says it

Yeah, that’s right.

Texas Frightmare Weekend 2010 has come and gone. Deejay, Van der Cech, and myself all roadtripped to Texas to be a part of the festivities. It was a helluva crazy time. We met some amazing people (Carpenter) and some not so amazing people (Margot Kidder). We met Splattercast fans, promoted Outpost Doom, did dozens of interviews with celebrities (including Doug Bradley, who was drinking jack and coffee at 10 in the morning on Sunday and was absolutely hammered) and took hundreds of photos of scantily clad women. It was bananas. We’ve got lots of stuff to sift through, so videos and photos probably won’t be posted for a bit, but Deejay and I did make a major decision while at the convention:

The Splattercast will return to its regular weekly schedule beginning next Monday.

Yep, that’s right. We’re coming back. The response we got from the Splattercast fans and the conventions we plan on attending in the future have totally rejuvenated us. We’ll probably have a rotating lineup of hosts, but never fear cuz Deejay and I will be there to bring you the awesome every monday  night.

Oh, and we totally got Carpenter to give a Splattercast shoutout.

See you soon!

Deejay was telling us this true story about how a gorilla head was severed and placed onto another gorilla’s body and that it lived just fine after the head transplant.

Currently in Oklahoma City.

In just a couple hours, Deejay and I will be traveling to the Texas Frightmare Weekend. We’ll document everything. I’ll make regular updates in the forum and on facebook. Looking forward to a fun weekend! Maybe we’ll get lucky and sell the remake rights for Outpost Doom to John Carpenter or something.

Really, who is watching The Grand Horror?

I just checked the Amazon page and here’s the current stats:

Amazon.com Sales Rank: #3,252 in Amazon Video On Demand (See Bestsellers in Amazon Video On Demand)

Popular in these categories: (What’s this?)
#2 in      Amazon Video On Demand > Movies > Horror > Haunted Houses
#2 in      Amazon Video On Demand > Movies > Horror > Teen Terror
#7 in      Amazon Video On Demand > Movies > Horror > Supernatural

This is crazy to me. Last time I checked this page, a few weeks back, we were back to being ranked in the 30,000′s after a brief initial climb to the 10,000′s. Now we’re number 2 in a couple categories? Bananas!

Well, what the hell? Help us get to #1! You can rent The Grand Horror for $2.00 or purchase it for $5.00. If you see us get to #1 in any category, take a snapshot, e-mail it to us (splattercast@gmail.com) and you’ll win a special prize.

Thanks!

I know nobody gives a shit about this, but when I find stuff that the Splattercast guys were involved with floating around the internet, I want to post it here for posterity. Because we all know Deadlantern.com will be here until the world ends in 2012. I’m trying to convince the rest of the guys to do a reunion show. I think Deejay, Brady, and I will be jamming in a couple weeks. Maybe come up with some new stuff. We’ll see what happens.

Anyway, this was an interview done by Tery Daly for a local band website called Star City Scene in July of 2004.  It’s still posted but I’ll include it after the jump as well. You know, for posterity.

Jeff Gustafson and I have played together in two different bands, and all during the time we’ve played together, he would periodically mention a side project he had going with some of his friends called Thieving Winona. He wouldn’t talk about it much. He was never quite disparaging about it, but all indications were that it wasn’t a “real” band, more just friends goofing around in the basement. He didn’t seem to take it very seriously, so when he mentioned that they were playing a show, I was surprised, and very intrigued.

Intrigued, you ask? Yes. The reason I wanted to see them was because one of the founding precepts of this band is that each person play an instrument they’d never played before. Jeff, a great drummer, was the lead vocalist who’ never sung before. DeeJay Sharton, ordinarily a guitar player was the drummer who’d never drummed before. Mat Kister, normally a bassist or drummer became the guitarist who’d never played guitar before, and Brady Johnson had never played anything before, so he became the bassist who’d never played bass. This can either be a recipe for crap or greatness, and in the hands of these four, it’s definitely the latter.

Their show blew me away for a thousand reasons. The music is great. Heavily influenced by old-school punk, but with incredible melodies. They can crank out incredible rockers like “Sweet & Low”, “Three Times” or “Ultra Big Phil”, and turn around and play beautiful songs like “Wormcheck” or “Prescription Anti-Gravity”. I was shocked by Jeff’s incredible lyrics. I mean seriously, how the hell does he think of this stuff? Heads gilded in gold? Ouija boards in the outhouse? Racoon Faces? The song Ultra Big Phil is was taken from the logo on a convienience store cup, but has nothing to do with cups. Then there’s Jeff himself. Suave Lumberjack? Fat Elvis making Pancakes? Tom Jones on speed? It’s impossible to call, but the show Jeff puts on must be experienced! This is a band with great songs, but as players they’re kind of inexperienced on their instruments, so when I see/hear them, it brings back everything I loved about The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, and other early punk bands who’d not played instruments before they started up their band. The musical performance isn’t perfect, but that only adds to the quality of the songs.

Perhaps the saddest part of all this is that by the time you’re reading this, the band doesn’t exist anymore. DeeJay is moving to Colorado, and some of the band don’t want to continue on without him, then after that, Mat starts school in the fall, so even if they got another drummer, the band wouldn’t be playing for that much longer anyway, so they’ve decided to just call it quits. Despite the fact that this band has only played about 4-5 shows in their short life, they will always be one of my favorite bands in Lincoln.

SCS: How and when did Bear Eats Fish, or more correctly, Thieving Winona form as a band?

Mat: Thieving Winona started back in December of 2002 (and yes, I have a recording of our first ever practice that proves it!). Originally, Mike Decatur (Minutia Stew) was asked to sing, but Jeff showed a great interest so we inserted him into the starting lineup and that’s how it came to be.

Deejay: I think we started as a joke, but after our first band practice and our first recording people seemed intrested, so we decided to keep doing it.

Brady: Well, the whole concept for the band was that we were going to all play an instrument that we’d never played before. So DJ who is a guitarist picked up the drum sticks, Mat who had played Drums and Bass in other bands with DJ got a guitar, and I had never played anything ever so i picked up a bass. So we screwed around and wrote a few songs. Eventually we decided we should probably find a singer. At the time Jeff was living with DJ and I, we asked him and it kind of just came together. All of that was probably about a year and a half ago. We went though big periods where Jeff couldn’t make it to practice because of other commitments, so it took a long time to be ready for a show.

SCS: How would you describe your band or your sound to someone who�s never heard or seen you?

Mat: Crappy 4 chord rock

Brady: I always have a big problem describing us to people. I guess i usually say we’re kind of garage rock with a big pixies influence with fucked up lyrics. If the person goes who are the pixies I tell them never mind…

Deejay: I think we sound like a bunch of people who don’t know how to play, working well together.

Jeff: John Irvin describes it best: “Suave lumberjack Rock.” We’ll try and entertain you as best we can.

SCS: How would you describe a Bear Eats Fish show? — If people come to see you live, what can they expect?

Brady: A very large man prancing about the stage singing about animals while the band makes a lot of noise.

Mat: Loud. Jeff is funny. The rest of us are dull and boring since we can’t play our instruments which nixes any type of rocking out on stage for fear of screwing up horribly.

Deejay: Well, live, we are a fruit cake of fun, over the top vocals, way to many hooks, and goofy break-downs. We don’t play well, but we play hard.

SCS:  What types of music and which musicians/groups influenced the band members?

Mat: I wish I could be influenced by other bands, however since I can’t play guitar, I just put my fingers on strings and make noise. I don’t know what the other members are influenced by.

Brady: Man there is a huge range of bands, obviously the pixies, nirvana, and grunge in general. I personally listened to a lot of punk music so that’s in there somewhere too. Bands like nofx, bad religion, less than jake. I suppose there is a touch of indie rock influence as well, saddle creek stuff, like cursive and death cab for cutie. I don’t know i just like making lots of loud noise.

Deejay: I kind of like The Dirt Bombs, and have borrowed a lot from Jeff’s drumming style.

SCS: I have to confess, I thought Thieving Winona was a lame name, so when you changed it to Bear Eats Fish, I was glad, but considering your other choice, The Colon Polyps, I think you still made the wrong decision. Where did the name Bear Eats fish come from, and does it mean anything in particular?

Mat: Thieving winona came from DJs obsession with Winona Ryder. He is in love with her. So we were teaseing DJ about her and how she’s a cleptomaniac, when somebody said, she’s thieving winona and we took that as a name. Bear eats fish came from after a practice we were all discussing how were were tired of the thieving winona band name and wanted to change it, so people were just tossing out band names and that was one of them. We narrowed it down to that one after a bit. I think Colon Polyps is a disgusting band name and refused to have it.

Jeff: I believe it came from the lips of Brady. It has come to mean alot to us as of late–what exactly, I am not sure.

Deejay: I have no idea what the hell our name means, and I still like Thieving Winoana much better.

SCS: When Jeff announced from the stage during your very first show that you were changing the name of the band, did you guys know he was going to do that, or did he just do that in public because once you do it in front of a room full of people, you kind of can�t go back on it?

Deejay: Jeff anounced it with out me knowing. The change of name was as new to me as it was to you.

Mat: He mentioned in passing, jokingly we all thought, that he was going to change our name. We didn’t know he was going to change it to Bear Eats Fish. Although I might be mistaken on the specifics, I don’t really remember. ask jeff.

Brady: I don’t remember to tell you the truth…i think we decided on it before hand.

SCS: How have you grown, musically and creatively, since the band first started?

Jeff: Yes.

Mat: um….I can play power chords a little better than when I started.

Brady: We all sort of know how to play our instruments now.

Deejay: Well, none of us knew how to play any of our instruments when we got started, and now we know how to fake it well. I think that is a great step in the right direction.

SCS: Who writes the songs, and how do they go from someone’s idea to a finished product?

Deejay: Brady writes all the songs but messing up, when we hear him make a mistake, we turn it into a new song, so basicaly they’re all writen like a 3rd grader coloring outside the lines.

Mat: Actually, We write the songs collectively. Brady and I have written most of the musical aspect of it, then Deejay and Jeff complete it with drums and vocals, respectively.

Brady: Yeah, I think it’s a 50/50 split between mat and I. He’ll come to practice with something and we’ll hammer it out. With me, i’ll be screwing around on the bass and both mat and DJ will shout at me to keep playing whatever i was playing and a song will form out of that. Then Jeff will sit and write lyrics while we’re working out how we want the song to go. Really i’m amazed every time we actually get a song worked out.

Jeff: The music is usually written before I get there, I just come up with lyrics and a melody.

SCS: Jeff, Where do you get inspiration from for your lyrics, and why don’t you tell our readers the story behind “Ouija Board In The Outhouse”

Jeff: I had a neighbor who lived about a mile down the road who worshiped the devil. He used to read the Satanic Bible and cut himself on the school bus. I remember going over to his house and he’d be playing with a Ouija board and listening to Rush. He was like 17 and I was 8. One day my brother and I found a Ouija Board in a land fill behind our house. We really didn’t know what it was, but it looked cool so we hung it up in our fort. One day our dad saw it and told us of the evil powers it possesed. Being the gung-ho do-gooders we were, my brother and I decided to burn it. We placed the Ouija in a wheelbarrow atop a bed of straw and and shot holes through it with our guns while it burned. Believe it or not, it kept coming back to haunt us–unharmed.

SCS: What was your most memorable live performance and what made it that?

Jeff: Scenefest 2 was definitely the must Un(re)memorable experience–thanks to Mr. Rempe and Mr. Clark (Dan and Ben made a point of getting Jeff all liquored up before the performance)

Mat: I’d have to say our first show, since we had practiced for over a year and it was the first time we played in front of an audience.

Brady: I would have to say our first show at the 9th St Basement. I was in the Hot carls briefly and the closest thing we ever got to a green room is that gross little room off the side of the stage at The Grove with that closet bathroom. We go to this place and they have a room with a big screen TV, couches, and beer. There was even a velvet rope to keep out the riff raff. Then when we actually got up to play it was great. I was screwing around getting my bass ready and i looked up and there were all these people just a few feet away. They all had this look of anticipation. We were all nervous as could be. Then we started playing and everything just seemed alright. All the people were smiling and getting in to it. We didn’t play our best but it felt great.

Deejay: Most memorable would have to be the first show. The fact that it actually went well and that people were intrested was quite a shock.

SCS: Most embarrassing moment in a live show?

Jeff: It’s all a little embarrassing for me.

Mat: Screwing up Science Killer after I started laughing uncontrollably during Jeff’s vocals… “and my tamborine says chiki-chiki-chiki-chiki”

Brady: Personally I think our whole Hallum performance was embarrassing, now let’s never mention it again…

Deejay: I can’t drum, thats hard to hide.

SCS: What do you like and dislike about the music scene in Lincoln?

Jeff: There are multitudes of very special people–this is good.
There doesn’t seem to be a lot of support/interest–this is bad

Mat: Like: people lying and saying that they like you after a show. Big ups for ego boosters. Dislike: elitist attitudes of a lot of bands. I hate bands that think they are great when they are simply crappy 4 chor….er,..next question.

Brady: I like how some bands are very supportive of one and other. It also seems like there is quite a bit in the opposite direction. Like SlamOmaha.com’s message boards. It always seems to me like there is a ton of trash talking about bands on there. I quit going there a long time ago though so maybe it’s different now.

SCS: No, it’s the same old shit over there. Who are some local bands or musicians that you admire or feel should be recognized?

Mat: I like Minutia Stew a lot. Mikes a musical genius. I am really amazed at some of the crazy stuff he thinks of. And of course Jeff Gustfson on drums and vocals. I haven’t seen a local drummer as good as he is and he has an great unique stage persona and performance.

Brady: I admire Rent Money Big, Suzy Dreamer, Minutia Stew, and the Zyklon Bees even though i like Caeaser the Greaser as a band name more than the Zyklon Bees. Keep an eye out for Sad Old Lady From the South.

Deejay: Jeff and Madison. My drums only steal from their table scraps.

SCS: I had gotten a letter from someone at UNL prior to the Hallam Benefit recommending I “preview” The Zyklon Bees music to make sure it wasn’t pro-nazi propaganda. I assured them it wasn’t. What’s in a name, If I beat someone to death with an umbrella, does it make the umbrella evil? should no band ever be called The Umbrellas because of it? Enough of my speechifying..what was the first album/CD each of you bought?

Jeff: Album: Nevrmind-Nirvana, CD: Doubt–Jesus Jones

Mat: The first album I ever bought was Hootie and the Blowfish. However, the first cd I ever received was Kris Kross because my grandma thought that was the “in” thing when she got me my first cd player for christmas. ah, grandmas…don’t you just love them.

Deejay: The Cars

Brady: I honestly don’t remember, probably nirvana or nofx or something similar like that. I remember the first cd i got was a gift from my aunt and uncle, it was Aerosmith: Big Ones. I think my mom took it for herself eventually, which is good because she probably appreciates it much more than i do.

SCS: Whose music are you listening to right now? — What other bands would you recommend people check out?

Brady: In my car stereo i have the new Beastie Boys Cd. At home i’m listening to The Flaming Lips: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Gomez: Split the Difference, and Matt Sharp’s self titled cd. I really recomend checking out Matt Sharp’s solo stuff. Really different then the Rentals or Weezer, but really really good.

Jeff: Tripping Daisy, Camper Van Beethoven, Yngvei Malmsteen

Deejay: Supergrass, Decemberists, and Fire On Thursday.

Mat: Right now I am listening to Hum, A Perfect Circle, Deftones, Pixies and Nine Inch Nails. I would recommend that people check out Deadsy, Superchunk, and 10,000 homo dj’s.

SCS: Amen on the Superchunk, I love them. What are your top five albums of all time.

Mat:
# The Fragile, Nine Inch Nails
# Doolittle, Pixies
# Around the Fur, Deftones
# Domestica, Cursive
# The Downward Spiral, Nine Inch Nails

Jeff:
# Jesus Hits Like the Atom Bomb–Tripping Daisy
# Whipped Cream–Herb Alpert and the Tijiuana Brass
# Key Lime Pie–Camper Van Beethoven
# The Lonely Bull–Herb Alpert and the Tijiuana Brass
# RAM–Paul and Linda

Brady:
# Beatles – The White Album, David Bowie: Space Oddity, Bad Religion: Suffer, Nine Inch Nails: The Fragile, Counting Crows: August and Everything After. It’s so hard to just pick 5. I think this list is really effected by my mood at the time as well.

SCS: What single song, in the entire history of music, do you most wish you’d written?

Mat: “Stars” by Hum

Jeff: All Her Favorite Fruit–Camper Van Beethoven

Brady: i have no idea…I’ll probably figure it out next month.

SCS:Are you planning on recording the rest of your songs that aren’t on the first E.P., because If I don’t have a studio version of “Wormcheck” there’s gonna be trouble!

Jeff: I think there’s a possibility

Brady: I think so, some band members want to go into a professional studio, while others think we should just do it in DJ’s studio.

Mat: Since Deejay is rich now, he has been boasting that he is going to pay for us to go through Presto Studios, however I don’t believe him. Maybe we can just use his “portable studio in a box”…..

SCS: So what’s the deal with the future of the band, Deejay is moving away, and rather than get a new drummer, Mat wants to let the band die? What’s up with that?

Jeff: That’s a very good question.

Mat: Oh so its all my fault eh? I’m being blamed for destroying Bear Eats Fish?

SCS: That’s the word around town

Mat: Ah well, that’s how it goes I guess. Seriously, it wouldn’t be the same if Deejay isn’t in the band. I’m not a big fan of replacing members and I don’t really want anyone else. Plus, I am going to be doing school full time as well as working as well as hopefully getting a film project off the ground this fall and I just wouldn’t have much time for practice, let alone shows. Anyways, I hate the band and all the members. I’m taking my songs and getting the hell out of here!

Brady: Yeah, It wouldn’t be the same without DJ. We’ve all known each other for so long there is just chemistry there. DJ really thinks he can make it back and forth from Colorado to practice twice a month. We’ll see how it goes, but i think mat and i are just both pessimists. We don’t think it’ll happen. Plus mat is starting school this fall. Between all of us working, the drive dj has to make, and schooling, it’s going to be real difficult to find a time to practice. Personally i think we shouldn’t kill the band, just let it go into hibernation until things are less hectic. Mat and i might try doing something different if this falls through. I also have another friend who wants to make music with me so we’ll see what happens

Deejay: Death is a part of life, you’ll die, i’ll die, she’ll die, they’ll die. It sucks just like a chicken scratched johnson.

SCS: Anything else you want to share with our readers?

Mat: Never trust Greeks bearing gifts…..

Brady: It’s been fun and i’m still in shock that anyone actually likes the noise we make. Thanks to everyone who has supported us and shown up to our shows.

Deejay: T.V. is the devil. Colorado is great, and drinking is better. Good money for doing nothing is greater than any driving force in the western part of your life, and of course don’t forget to wash behind your ears!

Spent most of March watching good non-horror films. Last half of the month was a little light due to focus on the next amazing feature length horror film from Dead Lantern Pictures. Also ended up watching season 5 of The Office and a whole lotta March Madness games. I got an e-mail from a couple people inquiring as to how I am able to watch this many movies and still find time for TV, DL film projects, L4D, etc. The answer is that I have a job that allows me to watch 3-4 films per day if I desire to do so because for long stretches I’m just sitting around doing nothing. So while at work, I can watch and re-watch films I really enjoy, like a 3 hour Spartacus epic, for example. It’s a good job.

Orange means worth your time, Red means essential viewing.

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993) d. Eric Radomski and Bruce Timm: A really good, mature look at Batman from the people who did the spectacular early 90’s cartoon. I’d rather watch this than either of Burton’s films.

Bride of the Monster (1955) d. Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Talked about on Splattercast 172

Glen or Glenda (1953) d. Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Talked about on Splattercast 172

Moon (2009) d. Duncan Jones: Hauntingly beautiful sci-fi. I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want to spoil it. A must see.

The Hills Run Red (2009) d. Dave Parker: I liked this movie up until the last 20 minutes when it just devolved into your typical run of the mill torture flick. I like horror films that deal with mysterious legendary films that characters are trying to find. Though Carpenter helmed similar material to much better effect in Cigarette Burns. An okay movie that’ll be a one and done. Sophie Monk is fugly, just sayin’.

Zodiac (2007) d. David Fincher: Such an interesting film about, essentially, nothing. It’s a police procedural that focuses on the mundane, yet somehow manages to come to a gripping conclusion. When I first saw this film a couple years back, I hated it. After rewatching it a couple times, I’ve come to appreciate the details, which is what Fincher was trying to do: make the movie be the details. It’s over long, but unique in its own way. The Zodiac killer is totally uninteresting and it’s wise that Fincher chooses to focus on the obsession the characters have, rather than the bland serial killer.

The Hidden Fortress (1958) d. Akira Kurasawa: Another great Kurosawa. Mifune must transport a princess and her gold across enemy territory. The cinematography is gorgeous. For better or worse, George Lucas’s name is attached to this in that he took the characters of C-3PO and R2-D2 from the peasants in this film. Many claim that Star Wars is a direct copy of Hidden Fortress. It’s not, but the influence is certainly visible.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974) d. Joseph Sargent: The remake of this film stars Denzel Washington and John Travolta. It’s ugly and sucks balls. The original stars Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw. It’s beautiful and kicks ass. Tony Scott ruins movies.

Inglourious Basterds (2009) d. Quentin Tarantino: It’s a bingo!

Showgirls (1995) d. Paul Verhoeven: I’d actually never seen this but had always been curious because of its reputation for sucking so bad. That reputation is definitely deserved. Wow. Gina Gerson’s boobs were pretty great, though.

The Ghost Ship (1943) d. Mark Robson: Robson directed three masterpieces for Val Lewton (The 7th Victim, Isle of the Dead, and Bedlam). The Ghost Ship is his one misfire. And it misfires badly. The story of a ship captain who believes that “authority” includes the decision of whether or not to kill his shipmen. Totally uninteresting and stodgily directed and acted. Should be noted that this is marketed as a horror film, but it isn’t.

I Know Who Killed Me (2007) d. Chris Sivertson: Jeff said this movie was good. So I finally bit the bullet and watched it. Why do I listen? Why?

Trilogy of Terror (1975) d. Dan Curtis: A good anthology that probably isn’t as deserving of the accolades many people attribute to it in their minds. The first two stories are nothing special and you have to get through ten minutes or so of Karen Black talking on the phone before the famous Zuni doll bit. Still, that sequence helps make up for a rather dry, dull anthology.

Hollywoodland (2006) d. Allen Coulter: Good flick that is part George Reeves biopic, part investigative noir. Brody is a private investigator hired by the mother of George “Superman” Reeves to uncover the truth about his mysterious suicide. Ben Affleck shows some actual chops as Reeves, whose story is told in flashbacks. Interesting film.

Rio Bravo (1959) d. Howard Hawks: John Wayne and Dean Martin must defend their town against a group of men, led by Nathan Burnette, who will stop at nothing to spring Nathan’s brother from jail. Hawks is different from Ford in that his westerns aren’t focused on emphasizing the cinematicness of the western landscape. It’s more about the characters and I like that. Angie Dickinson is smokin’.

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009) d. Ti West: Stupid.

Magnolia (1999) d. Paul Thomas Anderson: A fantastic film that is marred by a couple storylines that just aren’t interesting. A half an hour could have been chopped from the three + hour running time. Tom Cruise gives a masterful performance. Anytime I hear someone say Cruise can’t act, I tell them to watch this movie. The frog storm is great.

Blood on the Flat Track (2007) d. Lainy Bagwell and Lacey Levitt: really low budget documentary about the Rat City Rollergirls. Not a very interesting doc.

Beer Wars (2009) d. Anat Baron: Talked about this on Splattercast 174

Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness (1986) d. Tim Ritter: Interesting low budget slasher that we talked about on Blackfoot Lounge 2. Coming soon.

Cutting Class (1989) d. Rospo Pallenberg: Slasher famous for being an early starring role for Brad Pitt. Jill Schoelen shows up to lend her trademark brand of over-acting. It’s a nightmare of directing, acting, and editing. Not much good to say about it other than I enjoyed the axe to the head at the end.

Triangle (2009) d. Christopher Smith: Timecrimes on a boat. I hated Smith’s Severance but had heard good things about this. It’s okay, but it was better when it was named Timecrimes. I don’t really care for Melissa George.

Ace in the Hole (1951) d. Billy Wilder: One of my favorite films. Kirk Douglas plays a reporter looking for his big break. It comes in the form of a man trapped in a cave collapse. Rather than get him out immediately, Douglas decides to milk the story for a week in order to advance his career. An incredible film.

Spartacus (1960) d. Stanley Kubrick: Probaby my favorite sword and sandal. Such a great film.

Infernal Affairs (2002) d. Wai-Keung Lau and Alan Mak: I still meet people who think Scorsese’s The Departed is some amazing work of cinema. I always tell them “You haven’t seen Infernal Affairs, have you?”. This movie is brilliant and blows Scorsese’s remake out of the water in every way shape or form. It’s in my top 10 favorite movies of the last decade. It’s that good. If you haven’t seen it, put it to the top of your netflix queue right now.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) d. Robert Zemeckis: This movie is all kinds of awesome. If you don’t like this, eat a dick.

Gangs of New York (2002) d. Martin Scorsese: How weird is it that Daniel Day-Lewis was only in four movies the past decade? Anyway, he’s great in this. It’s essentially the same role that he would play to acclaim a few years later in There Will Be Blood, but damn if he isn’t great as a power hungry asshole. I didn’t think I’d like this as the subject matter never appealed to me, which is why I avoided it until now. I was surprised by how much I liked it. It’s your standard “young boy returns for revenge on the man who killed his father” storyline, but the production values and performances make it worth viewing. Oh, and Cameron Diaz was only ever attractive in The Mask. Sorry everyone, she’s not attractive.

Home Movie (2008) d. Christopher Denhman: Recommended by Borp. Honestly not sure whether I liked this or not. I wish it would have been better developed and had gone into the children’s psychosis a little more. It’s one of those movies that had the potential to be amazing but it never fulfills those expectations. Still, I slightly lean towards it being worth my time and I like the realism vibe a lot of these “found footage” flicks achieve. Check it out, but with reservations.

Black Dynamite (2009) d. Scott Sanders: This is a really fun, kick ass movie you jive turkeys! A lot of the best and funniest moments are in the trailer but it’s still worth a look. A really good homage to 70’s blaxploitation but done in a non-artificial “look at me! I can drop fake film aging filters on my footage!” kind of way. A little too slow to start but really gets going during the last half.

Shutter Island (2010) d. Martin Scorsese: Yawn. Boring and predictable. I figured out the main twist within the first 5 minutes of the film and then guessed exactly what was going on with his wife shortly thereafter. This movie is a gorgeous slog.

Stealing Lincoln’s Body (2009) d. Trey Nelson: Really neat documentary on what happened to Abraham Lincoln’s body before, during, and after the funeral. Including the nice tidbit that after a botched robbery attempt, the guy who ran his memorial decided to keep him in the basement for two years and pile a bunch of rotting wood on top of the coffin so nobody would know he was there. Fascinating stuff.

North by Northwest (1959) d. Alfred Hitchcock: um…it’s great. Watch it.

Wishmaster (1997) d. Robert Kurtzman: The Warlock of the 90′s. This movie is total badass. Reviewed all of these on Splattercast 175.

Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999) d. Jack Sholder: Liked it, just not as much as the first. Divoff is class.

Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) d. Jack Arnold:  So ridiculously good. One of the keys to the Gill-Man’s success is the decision to show him all the time. That costume is the bee’s knees and any chance to see it enhances everything. Oh, and Julie Adams is out of sight in that bikini. If I could remake this movie, I’d toss a young Jennifer Connelly into that role. In fact, I’ve got a great remake idea for this movie. Universal, call me before someone retarded like Stephen Sommers ruins it.

Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell (2001) d. Chris Angel: eh….no.

Wishmaster 4: The Prophecy Fulfilled (2002) d. Chris Angel: eh…actually pretty good. Like the catch-22 wish that sort of traps the Djinn. Much better than 3, but not in the same league as 1 or 2. Where’s Divoff?!

Equinox (1970) d. Jack Woods: Such a terrible movie that has so much damn charm to it that you can’t not get a huge kick out of it. Famous for the stop motion fx work of Dennis Muren and feeling a lot like what would eventually come to be Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead. It is pretty unrelentingly boring before the action starts, though. Worth a look.

Revenge of the Creature (1955) d. Jack Arnold: Fantastic sequel that take the Gill-Man out of the Amazon and into an amusement park where he then escapes and wreaks havoc. Not as good as the first, but Arnold knows where his bread and butter is: showing the monster and putting hot girls in bikinis.

Kurt Cobain: About A Son (2006) d. AJ Schnack: A retarded film. It’s just Kurt Cobain interviews over footage that has nothing to do with him or Nirvana. They couldn’t get the rights to any Nirvana music, so it’s just a bunch of other shitty Seattle grunge bands for the soundtrack. An uninteresting, visually tepid experience that offers no insight into Cobain that couldn’t be gleaned from listening to In Utero.

Food, Inc. (2008) d. Robert Kenner: Cool doc showing how disgusting our food really is and how one or two companies own everything and how they destroy farmers. Will make you yearn for socialism.

From Within (2008) d. Phedon Papamichael: This was an After Dark film from a couple years back. I really enjoyed it. About a chick trying to figure out why a bunch of people in her town are killing themselves and the crazy wingnut religious community that believes evil is possessing people. Thought the lead chick was ridiculously cute. Total crush on that girl.

The Creature Walks Among Us (1956) d. John Sherwood: Misfire. For some stupid reason, the Gill-Man is captured in the Everglades (must be his summer home) and a bunch of scientists start trying to make him human. The more “human-like” costume is ugly as sin. The story is a kick in the balls to fans. Hate this.

Kwaidan (1964) d. Masaki Kobayashi: Brilliant Japanese ghost anthology. If you haven’t seen this, you need to stop reading this and seek it out. Absolutely adore the theatrical style of this film and all the breathtaking set design. Fave story is The Woman of the Snow, but the buildup to that brutal scene in Hoichi the Earless is worth the price of admission alone. Incredible flick.

The Blob (1958) d. Irvin S. Yeaworth, Jr.: Steve Motherfucking McQueen vs. The Blob. I hope Zombie McQueen rises from the grave to murder Rob Zombie for his inevitable ruining of this film for modern audiences.

My Bloody Valentine (1981) d. George Mihalka: Love this slasher. Great setting, cool killer costume, and a fun hook. No tits, though? Blasphemy?

Reality Bites (1994) d. Ben Stiller: Had never seen this but heard from a lot of people that it was the quintessential “90′s movie”. Whatever that means. Eh, I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t think it was that great either. I suppose it’s worth a look if nothing more than to see Winona Ryder running around with no bra. I hadn’t realized that Ben Stiller directed this.

The Reeds (2009) d. Nick Cohen: Piece of shit horror from England has no idea what kind of movie it wants to be. A ghost flick? A monster movie? A slasher? It does have a great setting going for it. Too bad the directing is so horrible that it makes watching it feel as if you’re stuck inside a rock tumbler.

Lake Mungo (2008) d. Joel Anderson: liked half of this movie, hated the other half. It has a lot of potential and the acting is top notch in every respect. Even has some genuinely scary moments. Unfortunately, about half way through you find out that what you think has been happening has all been a bad joke. The film then lurches to try to get back to that initial spooky feeling in the last half and it just doesn’t work. A remake is in the works, maybe the faults can be fixed.

Ali (2001) d. Michael Mann: Some dude has been jumping into the IRC chat acting like he’s the Champ. It got me thinking “Hey, I’ve never actually seen Mann’s Ali flick”. I love Michael Mann, so there is no real justification as to why I’d never seen this movie. I guess the man and the material just didn’t interest me. Anyway, it’s an okay film. I’d never watch it again. I didn’t think Will Smith gave a very deep or meaningful performance. Meh.

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