On the last Splattercast, Deejay and Jeff sang the praises of Troma’s latest flick Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. I was finally able to catch the film (the 3-Disc set is spiffy) and although I enjoyed it, I can’t say I was overly impressed. I don’t think this ranks up there with Terror Firmer, Tromeo and Juliet, or even Kabukiman for that matter. I think I’m firmly planted in Camp Steve’s cabin: funny at times, but sort of blah and unengaging for the most part. Again, I don’t think this is a terrible film, or even a bad Troma movie (is that an Oxymoron?). It’s enjoyable but I don’t think I’d ever go out of my way to revisit it unlike some of Troma’s other films.  That being said, I whole heartedly recommend you pick up the 3-Disc set. The feature length documentary, Poultry in Motion, is absolutely worth the price and in many ways is better than the movie itself. Troma’s documentaries are always top-notch and if the fellas and gals at Dead Lantern think I’m a hardass on the set, maybe they should watch Lloyd Kaufman in action. Dude makes me look like Mother Teresa

There are all sorts of new Watchmen trailers popping up all over the place. I think most people were highly skeptical when it was first reported that it was being turned into a film. As more and more footage comes out, it looks, well, awesome. I went back and re-read Alan Moore’s graphic novel this weekend and it’s just so great and, somewhat surprisingly, I think it might hold up well to a cinematic adaptation. My biggest curiosities are how the filmmakers are going to handle Ozymandias. He’s not really developed at all until the last couple of “issues” when he reveals the master plan. Will Snyder and company feel the need to expand his role so that audiences can actually have a villain to root against? The climax works great in a comic, but might be a little wonky for a film. Cloned psychic brains exploding from a genetically engineered “alien” killing half of New York doesn’t feel like it will work properly, especially with the novel’s “explain-the-plot-at-the-last-second” mentality. Again, good for the comic medium, bad for film potentially. I’ve heard rumblings that Snyder changed the ending so that New York isn’t destroyed and whatnot. After reading the story again, I’m willing to give Snyder the benefit of the doubt just so long as some major death event occurs. It’ll be interesting to see what he does with it and, for that matter, how they handle Rorshach who is probably the most badass psycho ever. Alan Moore may be a total killjoy, but he’s a hell of a writer.

I made brownies last night. They were soft when they came out of the oven, but now they are rock hard. My apartment is an icebox.

I’m gearing up to watch Sci-Fi Channel movies all day tomorrow. I can’t wait. Seriously, I can’t wait.

I got a trio of zombie novels in the mail on friday from our friends at Permuted Press. I’m going to plan on giving them away in a contest. Which reminds me, I was going through a pile of papers on my bookshelf and I found Bestial: Werewolf Apocalypse.  I know I was supposed to send this to somebody who won one of our contests. If that person is reading this, e-mail splattercast@deadlantern.com with “MaT, you’re a forgetful dickhead” in the subject line along with your mailing address in the body. I am, quite literally, the most forgetful person on the planet. I have to be constantly reminded of everything. Let this be a lesson to any future prize winners: if you don’t receive your winnings, keep e-mailing me until you do. Otherwise, there is a good chance I’ll never get around to actually  mailing it. Good thing I wasn’t on shipping duty for TGH!

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I spent all afternoon watching Troma films. Then, we get online and start the Splattercast, and the awful weather we’re having tonight screws up the internet.  So unfortunately we won’t be posting an episode this evening. We’re getting together tomorrow night to record the episode though, so you’ll just have to wait an extra day. Disappointing since Deejay and Jeff were at Spooky’s and he was using all of his technological wizardry to play sound fx. We also had a pretty funny opening rant about why we fired T.J. from the show. Oops, did I say that? Maybe I’ll see if that audio is salvageable and post that tonight to tide you over.

Yesterday I caught a Thai flick called Sick Nurses. What a bizarre movie. It’s your typical Asian black haired ghost revenge flick, but I couldn’t help but like the oddness of it. I don’t think it’s a very good movie, but it has a pleasant strangeness to it. For example, one girl cuts the bottom half of her face off and then a re-animated fetus jumps into her mouth and suffocates her. It’s just weird. This movie also taught me that Thai girls take showers with all their clothes on. What kind of bullshit is that?

A fellow researcher passed along a myspace page that claims some information about Eli Wakeworth. I’m planning on looking into that later tonight.

Doesn’t it feel weird to have a President who is actually popular? It’s probably not possible to sustain those types of ratings, but it adds nicely to the “clean slate” argument.

So what’s with this Twilight stuff? My little sister has been in love with these books for the past few years. I think I even gave her one for Christmas. Ali over at avanttrash.com is pretty excited to see the movie. I made my sister give me the book so that I could read it and find out what the big deal is. Is it just me or does the trailer look like the dumbest shit ever? It was attached to some film my girlfriend and I went to see this summer and I remember laughing out loud at how ridiculously melodramatic it was. Ah, teen vampire angst. I was reading the latest issue of HorrorHound and they had a big article about Twilight in it that said the big new device that the author uses is that the vampires “sparkle” in daylight instead of disintegrating, which is why the live in the sad emo utopia of the rainy Pacific Northwest. It looks and sounds incredibly stupid. We’ll see if my initial impressions are borne out when I read the book.

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Our pals over at HorrorMovieFans.com scored an interview with Lloyd Kaufman last night. I consider myself a pretty big Troma fan. I’m not a big fan of horror combined with humor but I give them a pass because so many of their ideas are awesome, even if their execution is atrocious sometimes. I like the “Tromaville” world they have set up. Even though Kaufman’s shtick can be grating, I think he and all the Troma volunteers are doing a great service for the horror community. Love him or hate him, Kaufman is a unique voice and it’s important to keep Troma around even with all of their faults. As I was listening to Kaufman go on his typical anti-corporate conglomerate tirade which is his standard stump speech, I was sort of puzzled. On one hand, he is railing about all the Hollywood lobbyists, media conglomerates, and chain stores…yet he pimps out the fact that you can buy Poultrygeist at Best Buy, Borders, Amazon, etc., while simultaneously bragging about how he reads all his Myspace mail (owned by? Fox), thus utilizing the very tools the conglomerates own to promote his movie. Now don’t get me wrong, everybody has a little “F*ck the man!” in him or her and it’s next to impossible to avoid anything that the media empire has touched in some way shape or form…but Kaufman bases his entire shtick on this fact. He rails against it constantly. In books, videos, interviews, etc. It comes off like he’s on some sort of crusade. So when there seems to be some sort of hypocrisy at first glance, it strikes Kaufman a lot harder than it would a casual person who hates Fox but doesn’t really mind that Myspace is a pretty good tool. If Kaufman was really this anti-media empire, wouldn’t he simply say “Sorry Best Buy, we’re only going to sell our movie via our website, like the indie moguls at Dead Lantern do”?

Again, I like Kaufman a lot. He’s got a lot of good stuff to say (during the interview, he really wanted everyone to watch his PSA), I just don’t quite understand his philosophy and how it jives with his actual actions? I mean, the guy had a Saturday morning cartoon for god’s sakes I don’t know, am I missing something? Post a comment.

I got my 2-Disc DVD of Juan Simon’s Pieces today. This is such a fun film. Can’t wait to dive into it.

Most of you probably don’t know but I moonlight as a reviewer for another horror website (which shall remain nameless. And no, it ain’t Bloody-Douche.com ) I had to watch a film called Blood and Sex Nightmare today. It was terrible but it reminded me of Necro Files in a way.  It’s just as bad, only less unintentionally hilarious. The “climax” of the film involves a zombie masturbating and ejaculating blood. If you’re into that sort of thing, this is the movie for you.

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Around 8 or 9 p.m. Thursday night I headed over to Drudge and was greeted by this “shocking” headline. When I woke up the next morning to head to class, it was still the blaring headline only in black font instead of the eye-catching red. He wants you to think this is a big deal. Somehow, John McCain is within striking distance of winning! There’s also an underlying implication that there is some liberal media conspiracy that isn’t reporting the closeness of the race because they simply want Obama to win. Predictably, conservatives took notice and got all excited while liberals started freaking out like they always do. This mini-controversy all stems from this data. Let me try to provide some context.

I think everyone knows that the vast majority of polls are showing Obama up a relatively substantial margin. Usually anywhere from 5-10 points. So how does this jive with Gallup, considered the “Gold Standard” of polling, only showing a 2 point Obama lead? First things first, let’s look at the numbers. Drudge is cherry-picking the most positive number he can from the three seperate data pieces available to him. He’s going with the “Likely Voters (Traditional)” method to present his case. Gallup has recently begun showing three seperate models. One is the “Registered Voters” model. What this means is that it only reflects people who actually tell them that they are registered to vote. The “Likely Voters (Expanded)” means that Gallup has adjusted the weighting of the poll to reflect a more accurate (in their estimation) representation of the makeup of the country. For example, the Expanded model assumes that there have been shifts in such things as Republican and Democratic party affiliation and youth vote, etc. Essentially, they take all the data they have received over the past couple of years, crunch the numbers, then put out their best guess as to what the public looks like right now; what the makeup of the elecotorate is.

Now, what’s getting all the attention in the blogosphere is the “Likely Voters (Traditional)” model, which shows McCain only down 2 points. There are a number of reasons why anyone should be skeptical of this last one and wary of those who push it into the media narrative.

First off, the obvious. This model assumes that there has been absolutely no shift at all in the makeup of the electorate. As the word says, this is the “traditional” model. There are a certain percentage of Democrats, Republicans, and Independents and historically this is how they vote. To make it easier to understand, the Traditional model essentially says that this year is pretty much exactly how it was in 2004. In this scenario, it is easy to see how McCain could be only 2 points down, right? The problem is that there is no evidence to suggest that we are simply re-living 2004 all over again. Massive voter registration is one key aspect. There are now more registered Democrats then there were four years ago. The public is more engaged in the election, largely due to the extended Democratic primaries and historic nature, then they were. And probably the most telling reason is that, in the last four years, pollsters have now begun picking up hard numbers on the “Cell Phone Effect”. In other words, you’d be hard pressed to find anybody, liberal or conservative, that would tell you the electorate is the same now as it was four years ago. The evidence just doesn’t back that up.

So why is Gallup even showing a Traditional model? One of the biggest reasons is to publicly find out if there is a difference. Precisely because there is a unanimous agreement amongst pollsters that this is a weird time we’re living through, no one is quite sure what to expect. This is another example that solidifies the argument that this year is not 2004. Pollsters have been frighteningly off many times this year. The famous example from the primaries is New Hampshire in which every poll showed Obama winning by a huge margin. He lost, of course. The result of which caused Gallup to stop doing state polls until they could figure out just what the hell went wrong. I’ll give you three guesses as to which model was used back then?

Frankly, the Likely Voter method has been horrendous at predicting anything this year. One case in point came a couple months back when Gallup’s tracking poll showed Obama ahead while their USA Today poll, done in the same timeframe, showed McCain leading. It was an embarrasing moment and one that left the company red faced, especially after the New Hampshire debacle. Looking deeper into the numbers, it became apparent that what was actually a better gauge of what was happening on the ground was the Registered Voter model. When pollsters call people to do a survey they ask screener questions in order to decide how likely it is that the person they are talking to will actually vote. Every company has a different methodology and their own science as to how, and in what order, they ask the screener questions. Gallup is actually quite famous for their methodology, as it is one of the most intensive, and question heavy, in the business. So how does this relate to what I’m discussing today?

Well let me use an example that happened yesterday. I made my mom go to the election place here in Lincoln to vote early. The place was packed and as I waited for her to fill out a ballot, I saw a guy come in and say “I’d like to register to vote”. Now let’s pretend that I called this guy last week to do a survey with him. I ask him if he’s registered to vote and he would have said “No”. I’d ask him if he plans to vote and he’d have said “Yes”. This voter would then be placed into the “Likely Voters” model. It’s important to understand that if someone tells a pollster that they plan on voting, we sort of have to account for them in some fashion, even if they never show up to the polls. Hence the “Registered Voters” and “Likely Voters” models. Now when the guy asked the lady to register him, she told him that the deadline had passed. For the sake of this example, what you have here is a voter who will not be able to vote, yet one that is represented in a poll of “Likely Voters”. As you can imagine, results will inevitably be skewed a bit. The conventional wisdom amongst pollsters is that if you haven’t registered to vote by now, then odds are you won’t. In many states, the voter registration deadline is passed, so this late in the game, Likely Voter models of polling are suspect. One interesting note on Gallup in particular is that when they were embarrassed by showing two separate polls in the field at the same time showing two separate results, they themselves said to put more stock in the Registered Voter method (of which Obama was leading). So if the headline is being based on the Gallup name in order to induce “shock”, then it should also be pointed out that they actually stand by the Registered Voter model…something that Drudge obviously would not point out.

That being said, it’s important for everyone to understand that nobody, even Gallup, really knows what is going to happen on November 4th. Nobody expects the Traditional model to hold up this year. Gallup is posting it so readers can have a side by side comparison and to give the public a more complete picture of how things stand in comparison to 2004 . Though unlikely, it is still possible that the expected turns out to be the unexpected. If the Traditional model holds up then it is quite possible that Obama could lose. The problem is that pimping that model is disingenuous at best or flat out deceptive at worst. The reason Drudge ran this headline is to push the media narrative of a “McCain Comeback” (which was actually his headline on Monday). And there is nothing wrong with that. All sorts of sites cherry pick polls and push narratives for Obama. The difference is that Drudge has a lot more sway than other sites. Because his audience is mostly conservative (love those post-debate polls he does where 75% of visitors picked Palin-McCain ) he is giving them what they want. Like the link to some AP-yahoo .pdf file that showed a poll where McCain was also down 2 points. How many people are actually going to open a .pdf file and read through the minutia to discover that the poll isn’t even designed for horse race numbers? Not very many. Most people are just going to see the headline, believe it reinforces the narrative based on the Gallup number, and start getting excited again. Again, I don’t begrudge Drudge (droppin mad rhymes) for doing it, I just laugh at the people who take it so seriously, and that goes for both liberals and conservatives.

If you’ve read this and said to yourself “I’m confused. How am I supposed to interpret the polls in the next two weeks?”, I’ll help you out. First, expect the race to tighten up. All elections do. As long as Obama stays in the upper 40’s in most polls, he’ll be in good shape. The fact that he has consistently been over 50% in multiple polls for two weeks straight is sort of eye-popping and definitely not normal. But if you really want to know what is happening, don’t pay much attention to the horse race numbers (if you must, watch the Registered Voters model). Instead, watch the state polls. In particular, Colorado and Virginia. Obama isn’t going to lose any Kerry states and he’s already got two Bush states in the bag with Iowa and New Mexico. All he needs is either Colorado or Virginia to be president. Virginia is where all the attention is because since it’s on the east coast, it’ll be called early on November 4th. If Obama wins it, supporters can start drinking early.

Obama has hit his ceiling in terms of support. Supporters expecting him to be at 55% or more are just delusional. His numbers will go down. Expect a tough fight.

P.S. If you want an example of how campaigns are constantly trying to one-up each other look no further than Obama’s recent comments that he could “lose”. It is no coincidence that this coincides perfectly with Drudge’s pro-McCain polling push. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book: take advantage of your opponent’s perceived advantage. If Drudge tries to give hope to the millions of conservatives who read his site, Obama is using that same meme as an opportunity to keep his supporters from complaceny. Political one-upsmanship

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After tomorrow night we’ll have finally reached the end of a debate process that started last year (in April, I believe!) and then it will be the final two week sprint to the electoral finish line.  I incorrectly predicted that McCain would swim in the sludge during the last debate and even gave him props for not sinking to the typical Rovian lows that his campaign people are slinging. Turns out, the public thought he was terrible. I guess when you’re politically backed into a corner, the only thing left to do is lash out. In short order, a sitting United States Senator is “pallin around with terrorists” and an organization known as ACORN is suddenly revealed to be a front for M.A.D., which is trying to steal the election from the innocent, hardworking conservatives. I’m hearing that tomorrow morning the McCain campaign will show irrefutable evidence that Barack Obama is, indeed, Dr. Claw. Developing…

After 10 days of non-stop attacks from McCain and Palin it looks like it could very well be paying off…for Obama. This must be driving Republicans nuts. Fox News has been talking about ACORN every minute for the past week desperately trying to push the meme that Obama is secretly trying to steal the election. Drudge ran a big “ACORN registers Mickey Mouse” headline today. It’s a visceral type of headline that is designed to confuse. Filling out a bogus voter registration form is not the same thing as actual vote fraud. Obama won’t be getting Mickey Mouse’s vote on election day, but conservatives want you to think that the scary black man is rigging the election. I guess one must ask the question: Is ACORN an evil organization, funded by Barack Obama, hellbent on stealing the election…or are the few dumbasses who don’t want to work for their pay smearing the entire operation thus giving conservatives an easy target in their dire hour of need? This happens in every organization. For example, the company I work for is considered one of the best and most prestigious in the business. Yet we almost lost major multi-million dollar clients in the past year because a few idiots decided to do some unsavory actions. It’s just par for the course when you hire people. A lot of them are just lazy, disrespectful bastards. Is ACORN fundamentally crooked, or are its enemies simply trying to thrust the most negative abberations into the spotlight to score political points (you know, exactly what conservatives say liberals do in regards to Iraq; only emphasize the bad and never focus on the “greater good” )? Much has been made of Barack Obama’s campaign giving $800,000 to ACORN to help get out the vote. I don’t see that as much different than a client giving us $800,000 to do some polling work. Just because some retard on the phones cusses out a customer doesn’t mean that the company hired to do the work is fundamentally evil. That’s really the question that hasn’t been answered. My guess is that if ACORN was really in the business of subverting democracy then they’d have been shut down long ago.

Considering the fact that Republican operatives went to prison for voter suppression in 2004 anybody with half a brain should be able to see through this nonsense . It’s all a big scam designed to give Republicans an excuse in a close election for recounts and to propogate the myth that “Republicans don’t lose elections; they are stolen from them” (ask a conservative about Kennedy-Nixon for a fun response). ACORN isn’t the devil incarnate. Makes you wonder what the bigger evil is: ACORN or mass voter roll purges?

If ACORN isn’t the devil, then surely Bill Ayers is. McCain and Palin are using Ayers as an excuse to link Obama to terrorists. In the 90’s, this wouldn’t have had much of an effect. But in a post-9/11 world in which an African-American with the middle name “Hussein” is running for president, linking the two takes on a far different level of meaning. After last weeks debate, Obama basically said John McCain has no balls. That apparently pissed off McCain who has vowed to bring it up in tomorrow’s debate. And that’s probably the only reason to watch. Can McCain make any of these character attacks stick? It certainly isn’t showing up in any of the polls and this really is the last time McCain will have a national audience. It’s now or never. I’ve got to imagine that Obama has some sort of humorous response ready for when McCain brings it up. Maybe something like this?

Personally, I’m surprised that the character assaults haven’t done any damage to Obama in the polls. Either they just aren’t connecting like they should or America just doesn’t care. Maybe they’ll care if they hear McCain say it to Barack’s face. If it doesn’t, what’s next? The Jeremiah Wright card? Maybe that mythical Michelle Obama “Whitey Tape” fanatical conservatives believe exists will drop? In any event, I’m totally burned out on the election. I’ll be able to make it to November 4th but I think I can speak for just about everybody when I say that the 2 year campaign for president is ridiculous and draining. I just want the damn thing to be over with.

only 3 more weeks, people. 3. more. weeks.

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I’ve got a double decker of Jim Wynorski flicks lined up as DVD’s of Chopping Mall and Scream Queen Hot Tub Party arrived in my mailbox yesterday. I haven’t seen Chopping Mall in forever (loved it as a kid) and  SQHTP is one of those weird oddities that I’ve always been curious about but never had the chance to see. I’m sure I would have loved that one as a kid, as well

After tonight’s late-night rendevouz with Barbara Crampton and Linnea Quigley, I plan on checking out Quarantine tomorrow afternoon. It’s a remake of a Spanish flick named Rec which I liked and recommend everyone check out (before they see Quarantine, if possible). Not a whole lot of reviews for Quarantine at Rotten Tomatoes but it’s currently getting a respectable 68% Fresh rating which is pretty good for most horror films. I’ll chat a bit about it on tomorrow’s Splattercast.

Speaking of the Splattercast, we’ve hit 100 episodes. Don’t forget to call 206-426-5306 to leave us a message. We’ve already gotten a few and one of them is going to make all of you shoot milk out of your nose.

This coming Saturday I’m going to a performance of a play called “An American Werewolf in Transylvania”. From what I hear, it’s going to be performed by kids and teenagers and is a spoof of Horror conventions that includes dumb tourists, gypsies, and of course, werewolves. I think it sounds fun. Seeing a play will be a nice change of pace from re-watching horror films I’ve seen a zillion times. Not that there is anything wrong with that, just that everybody should diversify every know and then.

Oh, and don’t forget to list your nominees for the 2nd Annual Splatcademy Awards. It’s only a few months away (this year is flying by!) and we want to make sure that no great film/performance/pair of breasts escapes our critical eyes.

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Will he or won’t he?

John McCain has exactly 2 more opportunities to speak in front of an audience of millions before the election. Tonight, he gets his vaunted “Town Hall” format that he claims he is so great at. Adding to the drama of tonight’s debate is McCain’s decision to go “scorched earth” on Obama’s character. Palin’s out there lying through her teeth about all number of things. I suppose that’s easy to do when you don’t have to worry about talking to the press afterwards. She re-cycled the Ayers association that Sean Hannity has been desperately trying to make an issue since January by telling an audience that Barack was “pallin’ around with terrorists”. Of course, this begs the question: Why was she pallin’ around (and banging) somebody associated with this?”

Just imagine for a moment if Michelle Obama had been a member of a political party that wanted Illinois to secede from the union and which has ties to Iran. Rush would have had a heart attack by now. The hypocrisy is mind-blowing.

So, will McCain himself bring this stuff up? The stunningness by which McCain has been dropping in the polls the past couple of weeks is certainly the reason for the change in strategy to one of “This Barack Obama guy is different, he likes terrorists!”. I think McCain will definitely bring this up. What other choice does he have? He is going to lose unless he can change the conversation from the economy to a referendum on Obama. His own advisors have even said as much: “If we keep talking about the economic crisis, we’re going to lose.”

Every Obama supporter has known this day was coming. There was always going to be a point in which the Republicans began their hack and slash campaign in overt fashion. This is not a question about McCain’s dishonorable campaign. That was expected and is a given. It’s a question of whether or not Obama is ready for it. We saw this story play out in 2004 with the systematic destruction of John Kerry. Kerry was rightly criticized by everyone for not fighting back. Obama must have a response to these smears in the can and ready to go. His campaign has been, arguably, the best run and managed campaign in history. It would be monumentally stupid if he and his inner circle had not prepared for this eventuality. The Ayers connection is totally ridiculous even on the face of it, as even Republicans who worked with Ayers have said. What Obama needs to do is make the knee-jerk American public understand how ridiculous it is. Maybe he tosses out a funny line that disarms McCain completely. Maybe he turns to John McCain and says “So are those Republicans who were on the same charitable boards as Ayers and I terrorist sympathizers as well, John?” I doubt he brings up Palin’s radical associations, but maybe he does? Maybe he says something like “John McCain said there is a ’special place in hell’ for the people who smeared him in 2000….which is strange because he’s hired those same people to attack me”? Keating 5 is the most logical as it is explicit evidence of how McCain handles a financial crisis. Or maybe he uses more of McCain’s own words against him?

That’s really Obama’s final test. He’s hurdled everything that has been thrown at him. He defeated the Clinton Machine and he’s on the verge of defeating the entire Conservative Machine. If he can come out of this debate making the American people understand that he isn’t going to stock his cabinet with Al-Qaeda members, then McCain’s final negative salvo will fall on deaf ears and then….what does he have left to counter with?

I expect McCain to fire his heatseekers. I expect Obama to deploy countermeasures. If they work successfully, McCain will crash his plane again. If they don’t, then it’s gonna be a tough slog to November 4th.

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Am I done? Did I finally finish everything that needed to be finished? Again, my apologies for the nearly 5 day delay in posting Splattercast #98. School and life combined to slam me with a deluge of busy work the past few days. Not fun. Anyway, I think I’ve finally got DL up to speed. Be sure to check out Space Coyote’s review of Mother of Tears. I disagree with it in that I thought the movie was an incoherant mess that relies on fans’ willingness to give Argento a pass for its flaws rather than judge it as it should appropriately be judged. But dissenting opinions are always good.

I’ve had only a handful of hours of sleep the past couple of days. Last night I was up until about 5 a.m. reading the Satyricon by Petronius. My minor is History but almost every single history class I’ve taken in my college career has been in the Classics. I’m a total geek for anything Ancient Egyptian, Greek, Roman etc. I’m taking a nifty Ancient Novel class right now. It sort of interesting how each “department” of students has their own dorky elitist attitudes. For example, Theatre nerds are insufferable blowhards, while Film buffs are kickass chick magnets. It’s just a fact of life. Hey, I didn’t write the rules, I just abide by them. Where am I going with this? I don’t know. Other than taking an opportunity to jab the “I’m so serious, take me SERIOUSLY!” Theatre bums, I wanted to point out that many famous horror legends have their origins in ancient writing. If you’ve never read Satyricon (and no, seeing Fellini’s film doesn’t count) it’s something you should do before you die. Other than being a sex-fest ode to Priapus, it also contains an early example of a werewolf. You can read the passage here (LXII). If I can turn some of you horror fans on to the classics, my job will be complete

It’s F*cking Miami weekend. For a Florida State fan like myself, this is the game of the year. Nothing can describe the utter hatred I have for the F*cking Miami Hurricanes. I think it is written down somewhere that a Seminoles fan must physically break the kneecaps of any Hurricane fan they come across. I’ll have my aluminum baseball bat with me tomorrow afternoon in the off chance I see anyone in Sebastian gear walking around downtown.

Last week was football utopia for me. The Hurricanes, Cornhuskers, and Gators all got beat. That was fun to see. I’m sort of beyond caring too much when the teams I like lose. In other words, I grew up. But it’s different with F8cking Miami (and Florida, though to a lesser extent). This is the only game that really matters. FSU could win the national championship, and it would be considered tainted if it came with a loss to F*cking Miami during the season. On the other hand, they could lose every game, and as long as they beat F*cking Miami, everything would be fine.

F*cking Miami…

Damn, can you believe the next debate is this Tuesday already? For the record, the VP debate went as I expected it would. I told you that Palin wouldn’t do as bad as everyone expected and that Biden would ignore her and focus on McCain. All of it came to pass. I should be a TV pundit. I’ve been spooky spot-on most of this election cycle, beginning with the primaries (though I admit that I initially doubted Obama would beat Hillary). Did Palin help by only falling on her face in technical things that people won’t pay attention to? Depends on your definition of “help”. If you mean getting the conservatives who already liked her to slobber with abandon again, then probably. If you mean bringing McCain back to life, then probably not. Remember folks, this debate is already old news what with the bail out passing. Obama-McCain Round 2 is in a few days. This story is already dead (polling, by the way, shows Biden clearly “won”) and both Palin and Biden will no longer be the focus of the media now that their major “event” is over. We’ve now got a 30 day sprint to the end. Expect McCain to lob smear after smear (guarantee you he will do a “Did he really go there?” moment on Tuesday; I think he’ll explicity bring up Wright or Ayers or Patriotsim etc.) in an attempt to try to get back to even in the polls. No doubt things will start getting really tough on Obama in the coming weeks as the media looks to “balance” out McCain’s 2 weeks of negative coverage with 2 for Obama (they want a close race, after all). Keep any eye out for a surprise endorsement by Colin Powell as a defense mechanism to the smears…

other tidbits:

No all-female cast next week. Scheduling conflicts arose and when we do it, we’d rather go all out. It’s been delayed until next month.

I’m debating about whether or not to enter a donut eating contest at my place of work. My arms would be tied behind my back and the donuts hung from the ceiling. First to finish a donut wins a high dollar gift card to wherever they want. I’d totally get a gift card to Dead Lantern and buy 10 copies of The Grand Horror.

I really need to get some sleep. Good night.

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Have there been 2 weeks in recent presidential campaign history that have gone as badly as John McCain’s? He may have well hand delivered the election to Barack Obama with his “fundamentals of our economy are strong” line as banks were in free fall. Democrats had been hammering him on saying that in the past, but repeating it, in a time of crisis no less, was easily the biggest “gaffe” of any campaign so far. He compounded the problem with his ridiculous “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” gimmick that backfired harder than even Democrats would have expected (P.S. Mr. McCain, you said you’d “suspend” your campaign until a bail out bill was done…how’s that coming for you?). Though the pundits viewed the 1st debate as essentially a draw, by all evidence the public thought Obama won by a landslide. This comes on the heels of what may very well go down as one of the most embarrasing interviews ever given by a major political candidate as Sarah Palin looked like a total dumbass, unable to answer/understand basic questions from Katie Couric that even has respected conservatives cringing. It’s not a good sign when the public likes Tina Fey as the VP more than they like the VP herself. And if you thought things couldn’t get any worse for McCain, the polling this week has been stunning. I work in the polling business. There are always outliers. But when pluralities of the polls show vast, eye-popping gains for Obama in such a short period of time I can guarantee you that the McCain campaign isn’t a happy place to be tonight. I’ve always said that the economy would be what kicks McCain in the teeth and that Democrats should be running his “I don’t understand economics” quotes ad nauseum. Who would have thought that McCain would be the one to kick his own teeth? I mean, Florida? Obama should not be winning Florida right now. End of story. I’ll let you in on a little polling industry secret: the conventional wisdom is that if McCain is not leading Florida by at least 5 points, then he’s in deep, deep trouble. Florida is a state that is, literally, a microcosm of the country. It has major populations of every age demographic and ethnic group. And unlike California, it is a much more “moderate” state. In other words, it doesn’t tip dramatically to the liberal or conservative side of the coin. It’s a good 45-45-10 state. And if McCain is losing it a month before the election….they’ll need a major event to shake up the race.

Could this event come tomorrow night? Maybe. Sarah Palin has zero expectations. Joe Biden has the expectation of Obama’s base to end the race. Obama supporters want Joe to lay the hammer down and dismantle Palin for the vapid moron we think she is. Of course, it’s Joe Biden and who knows what may or may not come out of his mouth. I watched a debate where Palin played the victim card and used the “You big bad man! Stop being condescending towards me” card. I expect her to do something similar tomorrow.

I was quizzing my mom about Palin while we were at Hu-Hot this afternoon. My mom isn’t political. She gets her news from “The View” and the “Today Show”, hasn’t voted since she was 18 (”they’re all crooks”. I do not have a family of voters) and generally doesn’t pay any attention unless something major has happened that engulfs all of the media so as to make it impossible for her not to hear about it. I asked her what she thought of Palin and surprisingly, her response kind of threw me aback. Paraphrasing, she said “As a mother, I find her to be incredibly selfish. She has a special needs baby and she is running for vice president? Every time I see that baby on TV, it’s being held by somebody else and looks like a prop. It’s like she’s having other people take care of it. She should give her attention to the baby, not the country.” I’m not a mother and couldn’t even begin to see from this perspective. But it really hit me. I mean, this was the first thing that came out of my mom’s mouth. It’s that visceral reaction, similar to Jermiah Wright, but whereas Obama was a separate entity that could, i don’t know, be compartmentalized in a way from Wright, that’s not the case with Palin. Maybe this helps explain a portion of the dramatic drop in female support she now receives? I mean, I don’t know, but I’d be curious to know how many mothers would care for a special needs child while also campaign to be the Vice President?

But off that tangent and back to Joe Biden. What’s he gotta do? It’s simple: ignore Sarah Palin unless she directly engages him and answer every question in terms of “John George Bush III McCain”. DON’T EVEN MENTION PALIN’S NAME OTHER THAN TO COMPLEMENT HER BEFORE RAMMING A SHORTSWORD INTO MCCAIN’S SIDE. Biden will not be allowed to attack Palin herself. The media will make sure of that. But he can attack McCain mercilessly. Palin will self-destruct on her own. Her image has been so tarnished that the only way she can get it back is if Biden gives it back to her. You can guarantee that Biden knows things about McCain’s record that Palin has no idea about (you can only cram so much, right?). Assault McCain on his record, then let Palin ramble nonsensically if she is asked to rebut Biden’s charge. I’m not really concerned about Biden being able to rebut anything that Palin says. Even conservatives agree that Biden can handle just about anything thrown at him in a debate.

This is also the #1 reason that Joe Biden was selected, in my eyes, for VP. It was for this debate. Most Obama supporters thought he’d have to go up against a rhetorical heavyweight like Mitt Romney, but Palin offers the perfect opportunity for Biden to skewer McCain every which way in front of what will likely be an audience bigger than what tuned into the Obama-McCain debate. There is such a curiosity factor to what happens tomorrow night that I expect an incredible television audience.  And this is where Biden can hammer the final nail into the coffin (at least, from the point of view of Obama supporters). Right now, the country is tilting heavily towards Obama. The economy is crushing McCain right now and the fact that he blew his last chance to be this mythical “Maverick” we hear so much about by voting yea on the bail out bill costs him a powerful card he could have played: voting nea and showing up Obama. I can tell you, Democrats were fearing McCain would vote no. Because that would have immediately shifted the media narrative to “McCain stands with Main Street and opposes Big Government”. Instantly, all of gains that Obama made the past couple of weeks could have been erased. Instead, McCain ceded the issue to Obama by voting for it, thus taking an incredible political opportunity for him off the table (can’t really blame Obama for big government when you voted for the very same thing he did, can you?).

So right now, the country is running to Obama. Early voting is open all over the country right at the very time that Biden and Palin are set to debate. Assuming there will be huge ratings, Biden could conceivably destroy John McCain in front of a national television audience if he doesn’t do anything stupid. And that’s all she wrote, folks. If the narrative of tomorrows debate is “Biden hammers McCain” instead of “Biden hammers Palin”, then it’s over. Biden doesn’t have to worry about a Mitt Romney sparring with him on the same rhetorical level and getting distracted into a tit-for-tat. Instead, he’s got free reign to dominate the discussion….IF he doesn’t do or say anything dumb. Remember, no matter the results, McCain’s camp will spin this as some sort of a condescending, belittling, sexist performance. All Biden needs to do is come off calm, collected, gracious towards Palin, and a pitbull (without lipstick) towards McCain. Personally, I don’t think Biden will screw this up. After all, this is why he was selected. He’s not going to blow his time in the spotlight. Finish the job, Joe.

I’d be interested to hear what you guys think of this analysis. So, who ya got tomorrow night?

p.s. I’ve got a stupid geography class tomorrow night. I’m going to miss the damn debate

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I think I like Screamers. It was free on demand via my Fearnet channel and I took the opportunity to revisit it yesterday. I hadn’t seen it since the late 90’s. It’s hokey and predictiable, but I enjoyed it on a fun b-level. I’ve never read the Phillip K. Dick story that it is based upon, but the screenplay was by Dan O’Bannon, whom I am a big fan of (check out Bleeders if you ever get the chance. an underrated indie). The film sort of falls apart in the last 30 minutes, which is unfortunate, but it has a great final beat.  You might want to revisit this one if you have the time.

Oh, I’m not going to bother posting the newest Splattercast tonight. I don’t feel like dealing with the post-production tonight. I’ll get to it tomorrow.

There’s about 1 month to go in the weirdest presidential campaign I’ve ever been a part of. Obama supporters are pretty much on top of the world right now. John McCain looks like a complete retard for his “non-suspension suspension” of his campaign (way to “save” the bailout, johnny!) and Sarah Palin has become the laughingstock of the entire country. Obama has hit 50% or better in three of the daily tracking polls and he’s leading in places like North Carolina…where not even Bill Clinton could win. This comes on the heels of a debate in which all evidence suggests the public believes Obama “won” and McCain looked terrible. If only the election could be held today…

…but it isn’t. There is still a month in which, as this race has shown, anything can happen. For all anyone knows, the media could find out about Biden’s Sarah Palin porn fetish. Conservatives have seen the writing on the wall. Their days are numbered. So expect them to do what every rabid animal trapped in a corner will do: smear the world. The only way conservatives can actually win this thing is to inundate the country with armageddon imagery. No doubt you’ll see the great return of Jeremiah Wright. You’ll probably even be festooned (props go to Johnny McCain for that one) with Bill Ayers propaganda. There will probably be a return of “bittergate”.  Conservatives have nothing to run on. They can’t even run on their “ideas” because by now the country views them, fairly or not, as the devil incarnate. It’s gotten so bad that even Republican senate and house candidates are fleeing like rats on a sinking ship. I would love to be Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh, waking up on November 5th to find out that not only are they stuck with a President Obama for the next 4 years, but a fillibuster proof Democratic senate majority as well. That would be priceless from my own sadistic point of view (for the record, I do not like the idea of any party having a fillibuster proof majority, even the Democrats. Gotta have some checks and balances).

Even McCain is dropping like a lead weight in all of the polls and it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better. Especially if Biden drops the hammer on Palin this thursday. The entire country is going to be tuned in to find out “Is she really this friggin’ stupid?”. Will Biden blow the opportunity to fully sink McCain by saying or doing something stupid of his own? My guess is that Biden will avoid engaging Palin directly on almost everything. I’ll bet he only talks about McCain unless specifically asked about Palin herself. Better to simply let her destroy herself with her own words. The funny thing about Palin’s complete stupidity is that the expectations of her performance are non-existant. That’s what Obama has to worry about. Biden must hurdle an Olympian length bar. Palin doesn’t even have a bar. Here’s what is going to happen: Palin will not flame out as much as everybody assumes she will and Biden will not be as great as everyone expects he will. When you’re in the lead, there is no reason to go on the attack. Biden just needs to calmly get through 90 minutes without any big gaffes. God help John McCain if Palin screws up, though…

The banking meltdown is having a funny impact on the polling that I do. You see, the company I work for does a lot of bank surveys. Had a dude completely go ape-shit on a certain bank because he pulled an enormous amoung of assets out of a failing bank and gave it to them. They promised it would be “safe” from this crisis. Turns out, this bank stuck all of his money in Washington Mutual. Oops. People are freaking out. I don’t know how many people I’ve talked to who have lost craploads of money, but the number is high enough that I’ve lost count.

Oh, one more thing that the media isn’t focusing on because of the bank crisis: early voting in just about every major battleground state is currently underway. Nebraska started yesterday. So as this financial meltdown happens, and John McCain flails around wildly while Sarah Palin looks like a moose caught in the headlights, people are voting. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why the McCain campaign is trying so desperately to spin everything as Barack’s fault. They are losing votes by the minute.

I feel better right now about Barack’s chances than I have all year. But make no mistake, the other side is not going to give up without a fight (unless that fight is against Nancy Pelosi, in which case Republicans will cry like little bitches in the presence of her awesomeness). Don’t assume victory is in hand. Get out and vote. Challenge the smears. Keep working. You can have a break on November 5th.

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This will be my last post for the weekend. See ya on Monday.

Less than 24 hours away from the big debate. I’m looking forward to it. McCain is acting all puffy, but we all know what’s going to happen: he’ll make some dramatic flight down to Mississippi and arrive 15 minutes before go time. “Campaign First” is the slogan, after all. I saw an interesting interview with Pat Buchanan earlier tonight in which he said McCain has pretty much screwed himself with his actions that past couple of days. He’s completely boxed himself in. First, if he signs off on the government bailout, then he’ll completely piss off the conservative base that he pandered to with Palin (who just keeps getting worse and worse. Makes sense now why McLiar is hiding her from the press). Second, if he doesn’t sign off on it, then he’ll have to take all of the blame if the economy meltsdown which, considering the largest bank failure in American history happened about 10 minutes ago, seems more probable than not.

Republican loyalists are screaming to anyone who will listen “John McCain is taking action and looking presidential!!!!”. Of course, these same idiots called Barack Obama “Presumptuous” and “Acting like he’s already the president” when Obama went to meet world leaders earlier this summer. Yet somehow, McCain is totally presidential and taking action? What action? Nobody is quite sure. This is a guy who admits he doesn’t know anything about the economy, yet he’s going to ride in on a white horse and save the day? Just last week he said the fundamentals of the economy were strong, now he says this is the greatest crisis the country has faced. He was against the AIG bailout, then he was for it. He wanted to fire the SEC chairman, then he said he was a good man and should resign. As of a couple days ago, he hadn’t even read Paulson’s bailout plan….all 3 pages of it. Then he “suspends” his campaign, which was actually just a blatant lie; a political ploy to make it look as if he’s doing some honorable thing. So McCain flies to Washington…18 hours after he first said he was going (apparently, the financial crises could wait for Bill Clinton’s Global Inititive). Then, suddenly…no more potential deal. No more excitement.

And what happens? Exactly what Obama said would happen yesterday. The press goes crazy, presidential politics becomes the main storyline, and everything blows up. You see, it just becomes a gigantic distraction. Conservatives are blaming Barack Obama for not showing “leadership”. Maybe it’s just me, but leadership is more than a photo-op (and please, if Obama had done what McCain did, every conservative on the planet would be claiming he was playing politics). You see, McCain and Obama can’t do anything but hurt the process by showing up in Washington. When they do, it becomes a zoo, as evidenced by what happened today. Instead, isn’t it a smarter strategy to stay behind-the-scenes, pulling strings when you’re not in the media spotlight? I guess I’d challenge any conservative to actually say what Obama couldn’t do by phone/video conferencing/etc. that had to be done, with his physical presence, in Washington? The media is already in a frenzy over the bailout deal, why complicate it even more by just being there? This line of attack against Obama is even more illogical when you realize that the Democratic caucus isn’t the problem. It seems pretty clear that the Democrats are going to go with this modified plan. In other words, there is no faultline within the Democratic party like there is with the Republican party (with the “no way” conservatives and the “let’s do it” moderates). Hell, Obama was the one who told the Democrats not to include any of the extra stuff they wanted to do (bankruptcy reform and stimulus package). But somehow, he’s the bad guy in this situation? Spin is incredible.

So Obama is calling McCain’s bluff and heading to the debate tomorrow night. Will McCain show up? I predict that he will since his campaign makes decisions based on polls. If he doesn’t, maybe he could send Sarah Palin in his stead? She’s obviously not doing anything and since McCain will be busy single-handedly saving our economy from disaster it would be a good opportunity to prove to her critics that she’s actually smart. Of course, then she’d actually have to answer real questions and we know she doesn’t like doing that.

I have no clue as to what is going to happen tomorrow but it’s going to be fascinating nonetheless.

What do you think? Will McCain show up?

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Every once in a while a question comes up in conversation: “Have you ever seen mat angry?”

I’m not talking about heated arguments over politics or religion. I’m not even talking about the natural “I’m fed up and extremely annoyed” reactions that everyone has now and then. I’m talking angry as in: I am on the precipice and about to do some serious violence.

Unless your name is Deejay, this aspect of me has never appeared to anybody I know (and even Deejay has only seen it occur once, while we were in high school). I once had a buddy of mine from Grand Island say “What do you do to vent? It’s not healthy that you never get pissed”. Some people yell and scream. Others break things. It takes an incredibly rare occurance to make me honestly angry about anything. I’ve always been able to internalize anger by ignoring it in my own way. I’ve seen some of my friends in meltdown mode before. Being an observer to it rather than participating brings an interesting perspective. I suppose it is sort of like being the only sober person at a party where everyone is drunk. When you’re the sober person, drinking seems a lot less interesting when you see the transformations around you. Flipping out is similar. It’s just plain odd to see someone go nuts. So I just never do it.

The past 10 days or so are driving me nuts. For example, earlier last week the image popped into my mind, out of the blue, of punching someone in the throat as hard as I could and then standing back to watch what would happen. The choking, the gasping for air, all of it. And I don’t feel bad thinking about it, either. Now of course, I would never actually do that to someone, but I’m not sure it is entirely healthy to think things like that It’s just that every single thing, major and minor, feels like a knife jabbing me and I want to blow up in a hurricane of rage destroying everything around me. In other words, I feel like Steve feels every day of his life

Maybe this is my way of venting. In any event, watch out for Hurricane MaT. He’s close to Category “Wrath of God” status. Steve, send me some pointers on how to deal

Deep Discount is doing a Buy 1 Get 1 Free Anchor Bay promotion that has some really good stuff. I think I’ll pick up Demons and Demons 2. Maybe the Children of the Corn and Creepshow 2 special editions if I splurge. If you know how Deep Discount operates and when they post their sales, it can be a terrible addiction. If you put in the time, you can take advantage of their “secret prices”. For example, they had the Salo Criterion priced at 18 bucks the first day they posted it for pre-sale on their site.  The problem is you never know when they’ll put the film into their system, so if there is something you are anticipating, you’ve got to keep checking day after day. Still, a few minutes out of your day is worth saving 8 bucks, in my opinion.

FSU’s offense imploded against Wake Forest on saturday. It was spectacular in a surreal way. I’ve never seen a team look so inept on offense in my entire life. The silver lining is that the defense looked pretty rock solid. They didn’t give up a touchdown even though the offense forced them into short field situations constantly. As I was watching the game, a thought occurred to me: “I’ve grown up”. When I was younger, I would have bitched about how much they suck and have your typical “fan” overreaction. I was cleaning my kitchen as the game was on and when it was over I didn’t even care. I was sort of like “Oh well”. I think as a fan, you still root for and want your team to succeed, but there comes a point in time when you reconcile that, really, you’ve got no control over what happens. I mean, it ain’t like I’m out there playing Quarter Back or anything No need to upset yourself over what you can’t do anything about, I suppose.

I’ve been getting a kick out of the reaction to my last post. As I expected, it’s fallen to the usual battlelines of “artistry” versus “personal standards” type of argument. Of course, “gratuitous” has nothing to do with the artist in the context that I was talking about, but if there is one thing that seems to be true in this world it’s the fact that I can’t explain anything to certain people. Our forum pal Fake Larry points out all the time that we start arguing over what is, essentially, separate points. After 80 posts, the perumutations have multiplied in so many different ways that the initial point is completely lost and/or misunderstood from its initial purpose. And he’s absolutely correct that it happens with everything. Take a film theory class. You’ll understand why “gratutious” statements are absurd.

As of right now, Wednesday, October 8th is the day that Deejay and I will begin our new live internet radio show courtesy of the fine folks over at Horror Movie Fans Radio. We’re the second portion of a back-to-back that, I think, is going to involve a female horror show called Gore Girl (not 100% positive on that last part). Fear not friends, we’re not going to step all over the Splattercast’s turf with wall-to-wall horror. Deejay and I are still ironing out the details but we’ll be doing some interesting things. To give you an idea of the odd ideas we’ve been batting around: a segment where we re-enact Spanish soap opera storylines in English ala Splatterpiece Theatre. Yes, I think this will be a show that might interest some of you

Campbell Brown calls the McCain campaign sexists for not letting Porky Palin speak with reporters. That’s a funny way to turn sexism back on them. But really, what’s John McCain scared of?

Maybe the root cause of my anger stems from the still, as of this moment, missing Outpost Doom tape. Where art thou opening scenes?

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UPDATE: Pop?

Props to T.J. for posting this pic on myspace. One of my biggest pet peeves with the blogsphere is that liberals tend to overreact needlessly. It just feeds into the stereotype that conservatives push that liberals are overly emotional (i.e. unstable). Which is why I got a kick when Obama’s campaign manager essentially called out the sky-is-falling supporters “bed-wetters”. When’s the last time you heard that from a Democratic campaign? There’s a time to panic and a time to fight. There’s no need to panic 2 months out from the election before any of the debates have taken place. Stop acting like a bunch of pussies, Democrats.

Somebody apparently forgot to give Barack Obama the memo entitled “You lose. Yours Truly, Sarah Palin”. Not only is Obama back up in most of the daily tracking polls (Including Gallup) but at least one piece of evidence suggests Palin is plummeting back to earth now that the initial curiosity factor has worn off. You know, the same thing that conservatives laughed at Obama supporters and gloated would happen. For some reason, the far right loons didn’t figure that would happen with Palin. Now she’s becoming a national punchline. It probably doesn’t help that she is a pathological liar. I mean, she’s even lying about teleprompters. I remember when conservatives mocked Hillary constantly for lying about things that are so easily disproven. Where’s the outrage over Porky Palin? And I’m not arguing here that the Obama campaign doesn’t lie or exaggerate. Every campaign does it. But aren’t conservatives supposed to hold themselves to a higher standard? Can Barack Obama go out there every single day and say “John McCain wants to raise everybody’s taxes”, and then repeat it over and over again even as reporters say he’s lying? What do you think Rush and Hannity would be saying about that if the shoe was on the other foot? Here’s a nice editorial on this subject. By the way, what kind of bizarro world is the McCain campaign living in where a vice presidential candidate is being hidden away from doing a press conference? This chick might have to be president, yet they are too scared of putting her in front of the press? Pathetic.

McCain, meanwhile, is proving that he really doesn’t know anything about the economy (at least Greenspan supports his tax plan..er..). As more banks fold, McCain suddenly flip flops and is for more regulation. I doubt conservatives will care since they are still slobbering all over Sarah Palin (while simultaneously shouting “Sexism!” to the heavens), someone who, humorously, can’t enact or oversee any of the issues they care about…but she’s bangable, is totally transparent, and kills moose, so it’s alright I guess. As a liberal, I’m totally supportive of regulation and oversight that doesn’t impede but serves as a check and balance. I flipped over to CNBC today and they had some dude on who was like “Have you noticed that the industries who are being regulated aren’t collapsing?” But never fear, Sarah Palin and John McCain are here! Except Sarah Palin put her hometown of Wassilla into massive debt to the tune of $20 million dollars and John McCain’s top economic surrogate (and VP candidate herself) Carly Fiorina admitted that neither John McCain or Sarah Palin were qualifed to run a company (she must have gotten some venom because later in the day she quickly added Barack and Joe to the list as well ). The Republicans don’t even have economists on their side, that’s how bad it has become.

As the freak show soap opera known as McCain-Palin continues to barf out lies, Obama steadily soldiers on. Something that hasn’t gotten much press recently is that Obama is consistently ahead in Virginia polling the past couple of weeks. Linwood Holton, Virginia’s first Republican governor who defeated a segregationist Democrat has now endorsed Barack and will be campaigning for him. I can’t find the link right now, but a poll conducted shows that Joe Biden is way more popular than Palin in the state, which isn’t surprising since Biden lives in their backyard. Virginia is looking really good right now. They even have lovable tool Terry McAuliffe canvassing the state. As Barack focuses on the western states that will win him the election, Joe Biden is quietly swinging through Michigan, Ohio, and Pennsylvania dismantling McCain. And now that Sarah Palin is stonewalling her own ethics probe (which she requested, and was approved 14-0 by a bipartisan commission) with the help of John McCain, and the current financial situation in meltdown mode, don’t be surprised to start hearing the words Keating 5 pop up. And in case Barack needs a little extra ammo in October, Bill Clinton will be dispersed.

In other words, it isn’t time to panic if you’re an Obama supporter. As the wise sage known as George W. Bush would say “Stay the course!” and be content in the fact that you believe strongly in your candidate, whereas our opponents are so desperate that they have to support their nominee through a lying moose hunter who has no power to implement anything they want policy wise. They’re voting for a prop. We’re voting for someone we believe in. So Democrats, progressives, liberals…stop acting like fucking babies and focus on the task at hand. The only way we’ll lose is if your wallowing “those Republicans sure are mean to us” mentality infects the general populace.

Now that my political rant is out of the way, Alyssa and I will be heading up to Council Bluffs in November to check out our favorite band Nine Inch Nails. I’ve found some of their recent offerings unimpressive but the NIN live show is an entirely different experience. Recordings that suck suddenly sound a million times better in a live setting. He-Man…er…Reznor certainly knows how to put on a good show, which we fans have always appreciated. That, and Josh Freese is the drummer. Which pretty much makes the live show ten million times better than it otherwise would be. Josh Freese is the bee’s knees.

Speaking of rock, my professor told me to pat myself on the back. In a class of over 300 students, I was one of only four to ace my exam with a perfect score. On the flipside, 10% of the class failed. There are no truth to the rumors that I was involved in any sexual payola for that grade…

Look for a couple reviews tonight. One of Retardead and the other of Werewolf in a Women’s Prison. I’m about to do a back-to-back. That is, unless The Force Unleashed is in my mailbox, in which case I take back what I just wrote.

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Only Carlin will even give a thought to the next couple paragraphs, so for those of you who hate football, just skip down. So I’m watching Florida State completely dismantle Chattanooga today and a thought occurred to me: Is FSU back? As a Seminoles fan, it’s been a pretty lousy decade as the team has embraced mediocrity and been hamstrung with terrible quarterbacks. I didn’t let it get to me that much because every team eventually slides for a while. But watching the last 2 weeks, it seems pretty clear that, if not this year, Florida State will be making major noise next year. Granted, the first 2 opponents were 1-AA teams. Then again, last year we were barely able to pull out a victory against UAB so seeing the team outscore the opponents 115-7 is a great sign. Not only that, but we’re crushing teams with 2 sophmore QB’s and 6 starters suspended. I think I read that over 30 freshman have played in the first two games. That is nuts. But what about this year?

The ACC blows. Hard. Take a look at the schedule and you’ll see only one game that you would instantly say “They’ll probably lose that”, and that would be the Gators. And who knows what kind of shape they’ll be in injury wise at the end of the year.  Wake Forest, Virginia Tech, Clemson, Boston College, and Florida are all home games and even the doubters would have to admit that they at least have a decent shot in all of those games. Miami is always tough, but winnable. If the Seminoles play even half as well against those opponents as they did these first two weeks….who are they going to lose to? Obviously, the team is so young that there are bound to be missteps along the way. Wake Forest may well be the first growing pain this Saturday. But goodness, that schedule screams “Run the table”. Considering the Noles go to BYU and Oklahoma the next couple of years, it may be wise to take advantage while they can. By the way, did anybody see that touchdown run by Devo? How ironic is it that FSU has been cursed with terrible QB’s the past 6 years…and now they have 2 studs that they are struggling to find playing time for.

I’ve got my first exam in the History of Rock and Roll Monday morning. I’ve probably heard more great music in the past 3 weeks than I have in my entire life. I can’t believe how awesome this stuff is. I’m going to go out and find me some Chuck Berry. And just to show you how absolutely clueless I am to anything music, I had no idea that Marty McFly was playing himself some Chuck Berry Speaking of Johnny B. Goode, our instructor said this was the greatest cover version of the song. I’d never seen anyone play guitar with their teeth before. Why didn’t Deejay do that in The Hot Carls?

I got a ton of screeners in the mail the other day. And by a ton, I mean “A huge boxfull that I had to pick up at UPS” and about a zillion that arrived normally in my mailbox. One of them was the 3 Disc edition of Inglorious Bastards which surprised the hell out of me because I never get anything that cool. But most were your typical super low budget tripe.  I haven’t watched any of them yet, but I’ve narrowed my next viewing down to two: Blood and Sex Nightmare and Shark Swarm.

BSN centers around a local legend about a rapist who hung himself. Years later, an adult “pleasure retreat” has opened on the site and the spirit of the rapist is on the prowl. I don’t think this movie is a porno, but the exploitation aspect is almost too hilarious to pass up.

Vying for my attention is Shark Swarm, which I’ve actually seen on the shelf at Wal-Mart. It’s got one of those embossed slip covers that are designed to…well…I’m not sure what they are designed to do? Do people walk by and run their fingers over the cover and say “Ooooohhh, I have to have this”? I know it is designed to do that, and I remember the glory days of VHS rental stores where the walls in the horror section would be lined with these sorts of things, but renting is one thing, purchasing is something entirely different.

Apparently, Tarantino didn’t work his comeback magic on Darryl Hannah (come to think of it, other than Travolta, who has Tarantino revived?) as she apparently parlayed Kill Bill to the lead in Shark Swarm. Nice. The plot is explained as 40 “mutant Great White sharks” who are eating their way through the tourists of Full Moon Bay. Damn. If this were Puppetmaster vs. Shark Swarm, there wouldn’t even be a debate over which of these I watch first. What could be cooler then seeing a mutant Great White eat Tunneler, only to have him burrow out?

Well, I’m going to leave it up to you to decide. Should I watch Blood and Sex Nightmare, or shall I get my decade dose of Darryl Hannah in Splash vs. Shark Swarm? Leave a comment. Whichever film gets the most will get a snarky review on Dead Lantern.

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I take a break from politics for a week and find out we’re talking about Lipstick on a Pig? The fact that the McCain campaign got all self-righteous in trying to argue that Barack was actually calling Sarah Palin a pig is pretty clear evidence that they are worried as all hell that they are going to lose this election. Sexism? Really? It’s called desperation. How the McCain campaign can cry foul when their own candidate laughed when a voter asked him “How do we beat the bitch?” is astounding. Let’s get this straight: So Barack Obama uses a common phrase that Republicans have been using all year long to describe John McCain’s policies…and John McCain laughs when a voter calls Hillary Clinton a bitch…and somehow Obama is the sexist peddling insults and slime? Yep, John McCain is definitely someone to be proud of.

I tried to calm down a Daily Kos reader earlier today who acted like he was about to jump off a roof because of the recent polls. I tried to explain to him why he shouldn’t be worried, that the polls aren’t showing any fundamental problem with Obama. I tried explaining to him that this “bounce” that McCain is getting isn’t exactly what it appears to be. That Obama is still perfectly positioned to win and that this guy should relax. The effect that polls have on people is really weird. I wonder if there has ever been a study on it? Conservatives, who decry polls as meaningless every chance they get, are now slobbering over “internals” (WHITE WOMEN LOVE MCCAIN NOW!!!!!!). Liberals, who take a weird comfort in polls are now about to commit suicide anytime a poll shows Obama “down”. It’s freaking weird. I’m a pollster. I understand how all of this works. To watch someone who has no clue about what they are talking about spaz out is partly humorous, partly disconcerting. What’s also odd is the selective way in which both sides view polls. For example, a poll today just came out, a full week after the Palin Sideshow, showing Obama up 5% in Ohio. That’s game over folks. John McCain is shoring up the south, which in turn is bringing his poll numbers up (even among “WHITE WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”). But I’ve gotta ask, how does that help him? So people in states that Obama isn’t going to win anyway have decided to flip-flop and vote Sarah Palin for vice president? Who cares? The election is about states. Iowa, New Mexico, Colorado, Virginia, and New Hampshire are the only places that Obama supporters need to keep an eye on. Let’s not forget that Obama has 2 months, 3 debates, and an army of supporters and infrastructure in every one of those places. And if you need one more thing to help ease you, consider that most polling organizations believe Obama’s numbers are 1-3 points higher than what is actually registering in the polls. So the next time you see a poll with a topline Obama number, add those points and see if it is within the margin of error, then let out a long sigh and tell yourself everything is gonna be alright

At worst, Obama is tied with McCain right now. And considering the fact that he has thousands of people canvassing those states, registering new people as we speak, there is no need to get flustered or think the sky is falling. Heck, at this point in 2004, Bush was up almost 10 points in the polls on John Kerry. So Obama supporters, calm the hell down. I heard this “sky is falling” routine from conservatives and liberals when Jeremiah Wright appeared. Our guy is still standing and in perfect position.

Now, get back to exposing the lipstick on a pig that is John McCain.

p.s. Sarah Palin got $3.2 million in earmarks for seal DNA research. Let’s all imagine what Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity would be saying right now if you replaced the words “Sarah Palin” with “Nancy Pelosi”

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