Checking my feeds today, and what do I see? Mat has begun blogging at Avant Trash! If you’re not already a visitor to AvantTrash.com, now’s as good a time as any to add them to your list of regular reads. Sure, they’re a little fruity, but they post lots of cool art and music stuff that you might not hear about anywhere else.

Cheers, guys!

Filed under: Friends, MaT's Stuff | 4 Comments »

Well i was in Las Vegas we were searching for a place to get away from the noise, So we ducked into this bar and to the left hand side they had the House of the Dead Gauntlet.  In other words every House of the Dead Game in order with some very great Signs. (thats about 6 foot tall and some of the heads stick out 2 feet)

Filed under: Art, MaT's Stuff, Posters, Video Games | 11 Comments »

hugs and kisses, everybody.

mostly kisses, though. deep, french kisses….

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Hephaestus – Tobe Hooper

Who is he? Hephaestus, also known as Vulcan, is the blacksmith of the gods. His stories generally involve him making the armaments for the other gods with his servants, according to some accounts, the Cyclopes. He is often associated with volcanoes. Hephaestus is generally considered a cranky god probably due to the fact that he was the only Olympian who was ugly and portrayed as crippled. He’s generally shown carrying a hammer and leaned over a forge.

What makes him badass? You’ve made some fine armor and weaponry. Achilles, Hermes, Aphrodite, and Heracles, among others, can claim to have been helped by your wares.  Because you build stuff with your hands, you are looked upon fondly by artists, sculptors, and craftsmen. It could be argued that heroes and gods who use your weapons would pretty much suck without your services.

On the other hand…. You’ve got the distinction of being the black sheep of the Olympian gods. Not only does everyone else think you’re ugly and a pathetic cripple, but nobody gives you any credit when their weapons or armor lead them to victory. In other words, everybody else gets all the accolades except you. Also, women can’t stand you. Athena refused to screw you, Aphrodite cheated on you with Ares, and your mom Hera was so disgusted by the site of you that she tossed you out of Olympus. The only notable mythological stories about you also happen to be about how much you suck.

Who is he? Professor Willard Tobe Hooper. Director of such horror and sci-fi flicks as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Eaten Alive, Salem’s Lot, The Funhouse, Poltergeist, LifeForce, TCM 2, and Invaders From Mars. Usually mentioned as one of the “Big Four” of modern horror along with Romero, Carpenter, and Craven.

What Makes him Badass? The 1974 pseudo-documentary grindhouse exploitation flick The Texas Chainsaw Massacre had an indelible effect on the course of modern horror. It’s grimy, yet simple aesthetic would lead to hundreds, if not thousands, of imitators over the years and would make Leatherface an iconic horror monster. Your name is on Poltergeist. You’ve made less widely regarded, yet solid films such as Eaten Alive and Funhouse. Quentin Tarantino, Sam Raimi, and Guillermo Del Toro slurp you. The royalties from TCM make you set for life and allow you to keep putting “From the director of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre” before every piece of crap you make guaranteeing people will watch and keep your name in the popular horror conciousness. Plus, you’ve got plenty of dillusional apologists who insist TCM 2 is awesome. And sorta like Hephaestus, you’re film aesthetic fits with the idea of a dude hammering away, toiling in the dirt and nastiness of the lower levels. Hitchcock, you ain’t.

On the other hand… It could be argued that TCM is the only quality thing you’ve ever done. Even your “solid” films can be looked at with a heavy dose of skepticism. And the other classic on your resume, Poltergeist, reeks of a certain heavy handed influence by George Lucas’ pity fuck partner, Steven Spielberg. The past 20 years of your directing career have offered some of the worst dreck the genre has had to offer. The Mangler, Mortuary, The Toolbox Murders, and Dance of the Dead have only reinforced the image that you are not only inferior to Carpenter, Craven, and Romero, but that you never had that much talent to begin with.

———–

So why this god? Just like Hephaestus, Tobe Hooper is the black sheep of the horror world. While everyone recognizes the greatness and importance of TCM, just as everyone recognizes the importance of Hephaestus building a bow and arrow for Cupid, he’s the one guy that you’d leave out of the conversation if you really got down to the best horror directors of all-time. Hoopers career is one of the strangest in all of horror partly because he did make some okay movies. I’ve been a Hooper critic for a long time, but even I concede that stuff like Eaten Alive and Funhouse are, at the very least, ok movies. The problem is that Hooper also has so much filth. The Mangler is often cited as one of the worst movies of all time, let alone just horror. And the whole stink surrounding his actual involvement in Poltergeist clouds what would otherwise put him over the top. Just like Hephaestus, Hooper seems to be a character who is better at building the tools (ideas) and then letting other people use them for fame and fortune. Hephaestus certainly gets credit for making Achilles’ armor, but it was Achilles, not Hephaestus, who did the dirty work and thus, got the glory. And that’s sort of how I see Hooper. In and of himself, he’s nothing all that special. His oeuvre has been mostly down, but his impact on horror, such as the ideas, themes, and aesthetic he provided in many of his earlier films really set the stage for filmmakers to follow, and ultimately improve upon. They put on Hooper’s armor and slayed the beasts in a way Hooper himself never could after TCM. I’m a Hooper critic, but for that, Hooper deserves his place in the Pantheon. And that’s something not even I can argue

p.s. You know what I just realized? I’m not going to get this series done before my retirement

Filed under: The Horror Pantheon | 4 Comments »

I just finished up the post production and am waiting for Splattercast 123 to convert before uploading it to the site and I realized “wow, I’ve only got a week left!” So while I wait, I might as well write my final “journal” post. 25 feels like a good number to end on, anyway.

First, I’d like to extend a warm welcome to Explodey Jo and thethuninang who will no doubt post way cooler content than I ever did. Those ladies are both rad as hell and DL will be left in good hands. I look forward to going into the role of observer and seeing how the site evolves. Oh, and to quell the rumors floating around: it was a total coinkidink that my retirement coincides with April Fool’s Day. I didn’t even realize it until Steve pointed it out. And rightfully so, since I’ve been known to pull practical jokes before (I remember an especially wicked one where I told everyone I was addicted to Meth…and all my friends believed me!)  Scout’s honor though, I’m done in a week

I’m taking a 5 month leave of absence from my job in May. Why? Because I can. This summer will be dedicated to finishing my degree (fuck Spanish) and completing Outpost Doom. I probably sort of have to finish Outpost Doom because I’m imagining coming to DL each day and seeing some angry post by Jackie yelling at me if it’s not done

Looks like Splattercast #123 has finished uploading.

Don’t forget, Barack Obama is awesome, Twitter is complete and utter bullshit, Steve knows nothing about horror movies, and Deejay cries while watching Stargate (you’ll understand soon.)

This is MaT, last survivor of Dead Lantern, signing off….in one more week

Filed under: MaT's Stuff | 9 Comments »

Demeter – Mario Bava

Who is she? Demeter, also known as Ceres. The goddess of grain, fertility, and growth. Inventor of cereal. Controller of the seasons and thus the ability to kill all life on earth. This power was evidenced when her daughter Persephone was kidnapped by Hades and Demeter went on to plunge the earth into perpetual winter forcing Zeus to intervene before she massacred all life in her grief. Demeter is often pictured holding wheat, though her Mystery followers idolized corn.

What makes her badass? It can be argued that Demeter is the most important deity to humanity. Without crops we’d probably die out. Having the power to kill everything on earth is pretty rad. Kurt Cobain thanks you in the liner notes of In Utero. Bram Stoker also uses you as the name of a ship in Dracula. You’ve got the most badass cult in all of ancient Greece, The Eleusinian Mysteries, which heavily influenced a little known group called the Christians who adopted the promise of rewards in the afterlife,  the doctrine of transubstantiation (followers of Demeter were led into a darkened room where they believed an ear of corn became the flesh and blood of the goddess), and the idea that you are actually three seperate avatars of the same being.

On the other hand…. There is a pretty awful history of rape in your past whether it be Poseidon raping you or Hades raping your daughter. Though you are incredibly powerful there aren’t really a whole lot of stories about you. Granted, the ones that are there are famous, but really, most people don’t find you to be all that exciting. You ended up giving humanity winter, which many of us are still pissed off about. Fruity Pebbles is the sickest cereal ever devised and scores of children the world over hope you die for giving it to us.

Who is he? Mario Bava. Italian filmmaking virtuoso. Black Sunday, The Girl Who Knew Too Much. Planet of the Vampires. Bay of Blood. Kill Baby Kill. Lisa and the Devil. Black Sabbath. Baron Blood. And many more. Essentially created the template for the Giallo and Slasher sub genres and brought cinematic innovations to the Gothic genre.

What Makes him Badass? You were Roberto Rosselini’s cinematographer for a couple short films early in your career which left an indelible mark on you and would be the catalyst for incorporating neorealist techniques into the horror genre. You are credited with starting the Giallo genre with 1963′s The Girl Who Knew Too Much and thus kickstarting the career of a some guy named Dario. 1971′s Bay of Blood was the first modern Slasher film, predating Black Christmas by three years and beginning the conventions and archetypes that would be popularized in the late 70′s and 80′s. Gave the world Barbara Steele. Can also lay claim to starting the Italian Science Fiction film (The Day the Sky Exploded). Worshipped by Quentin Tarantino, John Carpenter, Martin Scorsese, Tim Burton, and Wes Craven.

On the other hand… Your good intentioned exploration of other genres, such as the western, the sex comedy, and dramas were usually failures of epic proportions. There are a lot of people who don’t think giving the world the Giallo genre was  necessarily a positive thing. Most of your films were unavailable to be seen and if so, they were, just like Demeter, raped by censors, distributors, and producers and have only recently begun to be circulated in the uncut, original versions you preferred. Meaning a long time went by before you were properly recognized.

———–

So why this goddess? If Demeter plants the seeds that bring life to the world, it can be argued that Mario Bava planted many of the seeds that brought life to the modern horror film. Whether it be the gothic imagery of Black Sunday, the kickstart to anthologies with Black Sabbath, the creation of entire sub genres (Giallo with The Girl Who Knew Too Much and Slasher with Bay of Blood), or the dreamlike surrealness of films like Kill Baby Kill (the room chase sequence is one of my favorite scenes in any horror film), Mario Bava is nothing if not the life giver to much of what the horror genre consists of today. And like Demeter with her Eleusinian Mysteries, the Bavian Mysteries were, for many years, a secret cult that were the only ones able to see the real power of this filmmaker. Lucky for us that we live in a time where his canon is no longer a mystery as most of his important films have been released uncensored in the past few years. So here is your corn cob, Mr. Bava. Welcome to the pantheon.

Filed under: The Horror Pantheon | 3 Comments »

Hermes – Val Lewton

Who is he? also known by his Roman equivalent, Mercury, Hermes is most popularly known as the messenger of the gods, though that wasn’t his original duty. Originally, he was the god of thieves and protector of the more unsavory elements of humanity.  He was also the god of boundaries  and the most clever trickster of all the gods. Eventually, he took on the duties of Iris (who later became the goddess of the rainbow) and became the messenger god we recognize him as today. Hermes has wings on his hat and sandals, carries a caduceus and is mentioned in Greek mythology more than any other god, including Zeus.  He’s also notable for inventing fire and the lyre as well as escorting the dead to Hades.

What makes him badass? Before you were even a day old you stole Apollo’s cattle. That’s pretty badass. You bang Aphrodite a lot. You are faster than The Flash and you have some bitchin’ wings on your sandals. Since you are the go between for all the gods, you get to show up in almost every major mythological story.  You turn people into bats. Fire is pretty cool. Delivering Pandora to us.

On the other hand…. Being the god that protects liars, thieves, and generally all around bad people doesn’t ingratiate yourself to the honest section of the citizenry. Being known primarily as an errand boy is pretty sucky. Your kids aren’t, shall we say, the most distinguished beings in the Greek Mythology and most, like Hermaphroditus and Pan, are regularly used as comic relief. Delivering Pandora to us.

Who is he? Vladimir Ivan Leventon, better known as Val Lewton. Prolific producer of RKO horror films in the 1940′s such as Cat People, I Walked With a Zombie, The Body Snatcher, Isle of the Dead, and Bedlam. One of the most important and influential horror filmmakers of all time.

What Makes him Badass? Officially our only “non-director” in the pantheon, Lewton single handedly saved the horror genre from complete annihalation and self-parody in the 1940′s after Universal gave up trying to make their monsters scary. A pioneer of independent horror cinema, Lewton worked with no budgets and, just like the Arkoff and Corman in the 50′s and 60′s, usually had to create a film around the title of a movie from scratch. Did I mention that all of his films are at least good and often brilliant? Lewton also invented the “jump scare”, incorporated overt sexual themes into horror, and single handedly revived Boris Karloff’s flagging career, which might have ended if not for Lewton. The first real “jack-of-all-trades” in horror, Lewton was intimately involved in the casting, set design, production, direction, and writing of all his movies. Gave the horror genre Jacques Tourneur and Robert Wise. After decades of obscurity, Lewton is finally starting to get the praise he deserves from horror fans.

On the other hand… A heart attack kills you at age 46 because of all the stress you put on yourself to churn out awesome horror movies on $2 budgets. No horror fan knew your name 10 years ago.

———–

So why this god? I’ve been singing Val Lewton’s praises for years and I’m glad he’s finally starting to get recognized as one of the great founding father’s of horror. If we think of Hermes primarily as the “messenger god”, I think Lewton represents that aspect well because nearly all horror movie today owe a debt to the visuals, themes, and cinematic inventions created by Lewton. The horror concept that “what you don’t see is more frightening than what you do” is all Val Lewton as it was an economic necessity for him. The fact that he pulled it off and showed that horror didn’t have to have a werewolf, mummy, or vampire running around all the time to be effective changed the genre forever. And like Hermes with fire and the lyre, Lewton invented a staple of the horror genre, the “jump scare”. Hermes turns people into bats. Lewton turns them into cats. And like Hermes helping Perseus fight Medusa, Lewton helped another horror hero, Boris Karloff, fight the failing film career. Val Lewton’s contributions to horror cannot be overstated. They might fly by on the screen so fast that you don’t even see them, but they are there, and for that, he belongs in the pantheon.

Filed under: The Horror Pantheon | 2 Comments »

I had been reading nothing but negative reviews of Watchmen. The bank teller I met before going to the movie warned my girlfriend and I that it was “boring” and “sucked”. The theater employee who was selling tickets told a paying customer that the film should be rated X and that people shouldn’t see it. Jeff, of all people, hesitated when asked if he liked it during a game of Left 4 Dead (are we ever going to stop playing this game?). So naturally, I had pretty low expectations. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the film. I thought it was really good. Rorshach was the cat’s pajamas. I never felt bored and I appreciated how close Snyder stuck to the original graphic novel. I even thought the ending “made sense” from a cinematic perspective. I’m sure we’ll talk about this more on Monday’s Splattercast, but I do think the film has one major flaw that, really, isn’t the fault of the film but of the transfer of medium to medium. The whole Ozymandius arc. I’ll talk about that more on Monday. Oh, and Ozymandius looked stupid. He looked like one of the Mystery Men.

Barack Obama apparently gave British Prime Minister a gift of 25 American movies presented by the American Film Institute. Apparently some uptight Brits are upset at the gift. Suck it, England. Included in the 25 movie package were great films like Psycho, The Searchers, and The Grapes of Wrath. If I were president, I’d be giving out our movies as a gift too. And if England doesn’t like it Obama should tell them to stick it in their Cornwallis.

Pope Limbaugh. I think that’s what all Democrats should start calling him. Why? Because his braindead followers believe him to be infallible. Honestly. Ask a dittohead if they can name anything Pope Limbaugh has been wrong about and they can’t do it. Oh, and I wonder if the dittoheads realize that Pope Limbaugh reads a script as he does his radio show. He can’t operate without pre-written words in front of him. Case in point: his rambling CPAC speech when he confused the Constitution with the Declaration of Independence, ironically, while assailing Obama for redifining…wait for it, the Constitution. Looks like Rush is just another “mush mouth” without his script in front of him. Don’t speak poorly of the Pope, else you be ex-communicated

I’m this close to pulling the trigger on getting a new TV today. The one I’ve been planning on getting is the 52″ Samsung 650 model. I’ve just been waiting for the price to drop a bit. However, Best Buy has the same TV, but a slightly older 550 model on sale for cheap with free shipping. Considering I have $450 bucks in Best Buy gift cards I got for being awesome at my job, I’d be able to get the TV for around $1000 which is a great deal. And to entice me even more, the price for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare game of the year edition has dropped to 40 bucks. To buy or not to buy, that is the question…

The Tar Heels shall smite the Blue Devils today!

We here at Deadlantern are trying to find a project to work on this summer. The buddy cop film we were planning is dead for the time being. We’re looking at resuscitating our dormant slasher film, Dorm Stalker, but I can’t honestly say that I’m very enthused about doing that project. If anybody has any ideas, post them on the forum. Maybe it’ll be a good jumping off point for us. Right now, though, we’ve got writer’s block.

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