Last week, I went to the Film4 FrightFest allnighter at my favourite cinema, Watershed. It was my first outing to a film festival, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was really well attended, and there was a great atmosphere. Everyone was getting into the movies and having a wicked time.

Here’s a rundown of the movies shown:

Bad Meat (2011), dir: Lulu Jarmen

Plot: The story of sadistic counsellors at a boot camp for bratty disenfranchised teens, who succumb to a strange illness after eating spoilt meat. The guards initially become ferociously sick, but then turn into fiends with a hunger for human flesh. The teens must put their differences aside and work together to survive.

This movie was almost great. It was utterly gross, and really funny, although it was hard to tell how much of it was intentional. I gather there were a lot of problems with the production, including changing directors and running out of money midway though, and unfortunately it really shows. While most of the movie is great disgusting fun, the last 5 minutes really fall apart and the movie ends so abruptly without any payoff. It was such a shame, because I thought there was a lot of promise here.

Faces in the Crowd (2011), dir: Julien Magnat

Plot: Milla Jovovich plays Anna, a woman who survives an attack by a serial killer, but her head injuries render her unable to recognise faces. She has to find a way to recognise the killer before it is too late.

This was a very odd choice, because it wasn’t really a horror movie at all. It was a good idea, but not very well executed or particularly believable. It had been compared to the far more superior Julia’s Eyes, and while I see the comparison, this movie just doesn’t hold up.

Human Centipede II: Full Sequence (2011), dir: Tom Six

Plot: A mentally disturbed security guard, obsessed with the first movie, sets about creating his own human centipede. This was of course the BBFC-approved cut of the film, missing around 2mins 30sec from the original (tune in to eXplodey Files #62 for our thoughts on that).

I pretty much echo Mat’s thoughts on the movie (http://www.deadlantern.com/2011/10/19/review-the-human-centipede-2-full-sequence/). Visually I quite liked it, although this is amplified by the movie being in black and white. The effects were pretty good and it was also really disgusting, which (I guess) was what was missing from the first movie. That’s about all I can really say about it positively.

Personally I don’t think it takes much talent to gross people out, and there is nothing else to this movie at all. Much like the first film, this is just a concept movie that really goes nowhere. Any preamble to the titular human centipede is a waste of time, because there is no other point to the film. While I am not repelled of offended by the (admittedly impressively gross) content, it’s meaningless if you don’t care about what is happening.

But what I really didn’t like were the constant references to the first film. The main character is obsessed with First Sequence, watches the movie repeatedly, and masturbates to his scrapbook of images and news clippings about it. To me it creates a false universe where the first movie was a big deal, and it really wasn’t. This is how Tom Six wishes the audience had reacted to his film. It amounts to the director unjustifiably sucking his own cock.

The Watermen (2011), dir: Matt Lockhart

Plot: A group of young people are kidnapped by evil fishermen.

I must confess, I fell asleep during this one. It was pushing 4am and the movie wasn’t interesting enough to keep me awake. Shame, because I was occasionally awoken by the sounds of the audience howling with laughter, so perhaps it was good for a laugh.

Cold Sweat (2010), dir: Adrián García Bogliano

Plot: A man hunting for his missing ex-girlfriend finds that she has been kidnapped and tortured by men using chemicals including acid and nitro-glycerine.

This movie from Argentina used a cool idea to disguise a pretty generic premise. There isn’t much original about people being kidnapped, tortured, and experimented on. The difference in this movie is really only the methods used. The girl in question is found covered in nitro-glycerine, and a single drop hitting the floor could cause her to explode. Pretty cool, but aside from that the movie is pretty bland. I think this is one of those movies that is going to fool people into thinking it’s better than it is because it’s in another language and has a drum n base soundtrack. I quite enjoyed it on its own merit, but I recognise that it was nothing really that special. Also I wondered why this movie was shown last, at gone 5am, when a lot of people were too tired to concentrate on subtitles.

Between the first two movies were some screenings of short films, ranging from the intensely creepy (Ark, filmed in one unbroken take) to the downright weird (Die Intrigue und die Archenmuscheln, featuring a singing stop motion penis and dancing vaginas). Some of these will be shown at the upcoming Encounters Film Festival, so please check that out if you are local.

The whole experience was greater than the sum of its parts – while the movies may not have been anything special on their own, viewed with a big horror-loving crowd was a lot of fun. It was a very strange feeling to be walking home at 7am after sitting through five (well, four-and-a-half) very different horror movies. Many thanks to my wing woman Gemma for surviving the whole 10 hours with me! And huge thanks to Watershed and FrightFest for an awesome event!

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Rare Exports is a flick from Finland, once again being promoted and marketed as a horror film, but that really isn’t at all. I was first interested in this because I was under the impression that it was a killer Santa Claus flick. The trailer looked cool and there has been some sweet fantasy/horror stuff coming out of Scandinavia lately (or should I say Fenno-Scandinavia?) like  Troll Hunter. So I fired this up looking forward to some sweet evil Santa awesomeness. Did I get it?

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The Human Centipede was a 30 minute premise stretched to feature length status. It had a great villainous turn by Dieter Laser and a genuinely gross concept. The film itself wasn’t all that graphic (or good) but it horrified housewives all over the country by getting a release on Redbox and being available on the shelves of places like Target. For a film billed as “out there”, it was pretty amazing to see it so easily available to the unaware masses. The film was much ado about nothing, but that didn’t stop director Tom Six for putting a sequel into production and guaranteeing that it would show what the first film didn’t show and be the most “disturbing” film ever made. It helped that the prudes in England decided the film was so extreme as to not give it a classification (Six has thus cut the movie by 3 minutes himself to get the release). Explodey Jo had mentioned that she heard that HC2 was cut here in America. I checked the wiki page and it says the international cut is 87 minutes (U.K. is 84) and my version was indeed 87 minutes, so I am assuming I saw the uncut version. So, did my head asplode?

No. Long story short, this movie sucks. It’s not even particularly disturbing or gory compared to other movies. Let me explain….

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I remember hearing about Kevin Smith’s Red State when we first started the Splattercast nearly 6 years ago. It sounded weird, that Kevin Smith would do horror, but it’s always interesting to see a director get out of their comfort zone and do something very different from what they are known for. Smith is one of those super polarizing figures. Because he’s such a bombastic personality and is always “in the discussion” because of his wide visibility in terms of his site and podcast, it’s very easy to get sucked up in loving or hating the personality. In typical Smith fashion, he took the attention away from Red State the film with a much maligned and criticized, and staged, fake auction in which he bought the rights to distribute his film himself. Part of his “message” was to say “screw you” to the distributors and subvert the traditional Hollywood distribution model. Nevermind the fact that indie filmmakers have been doing that for 60 years or that the evil Hollywood distribution machine has given thousands of indie horror films an avenue to be seen for those who just don’t have the time or resources to do it on their own like millionaire Kevin Smith. I bring this up in the review only because it feels like it’s part of the whole Red State thing. Not only has Smith spent the last 6 years telling everyone and everyone that his movie is a horror film (even marketing it to horror websites), but also that the film is supposed to be held up as some sort of martyr of self-distribution. The reality is: If your name is Kevin Smith, your movie is going to be widely available. I feel like the whole drama surrounding Red State is incredibly hypocritical and disingenuous. And it’s all this extra artificial drama, all created by Kevin Smith, that clouds and surrounds the film like a force field. If a viewer hates it, then it’s because they hate Kevin Smith, not because they hate the film. In a way, it’s a pre-emptive excuse and defense mechanism for Smith fans towards anyone who would criticize the film, legitimately. It’s actually a great ploy, if you’re Smith. And yeah, I believe it’s all by design. But anyway, Kevin Smith apparently didn’t have a hard time getting his movie streaming on the 25 million+ subscriber Netflix service and so when I was notified it was available, I took a look….

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Evil Things is a found footage flick by first time feature length director Dominic Perez. There seem to be two minds on found footage movies. Fans either love them for their immediacy, roller coaster scares, and realism, or they hate them for nauseating shaky camerawork, low-non existent budgets, and abrupt and often times jarring endings. Personally, I love found footage flicks and am very impressed with how the subgenre is evolving in terms of marrying the “realism” that is their calling card with standard conventions of filmmaking. So my bias, as it were, is that I like these movies, watch as many as I can,  and I feel I have a good handle on what this subgenre is all about. If you hate these movies, you might as well stop reading. But that’s your loss.

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Grave Encounters is the latest entry into the found footage subgenre and is directed by The Vicious Brothers (Really? Sorry, I shake my head when I see this kind of stuff). The plot is pretty simple: a group of paranormal investigators who have a television show called, wait for it, Grave Encounters, are filming episode 6 of their show at an abandoned insane asylum. Once locked inside, they find out that the spirits of the building are very much real and all too happy to torment them as the cameras roll. I watched this on the recommendation of one of our listeners. For optimum scareability, I fired it up around midnight, shut off all the lights and turned the volume up high. What I got was a fun, if flawed ride, that manages to pull off a few highly effective sequences amid the general high level of annoyance factor of the characters who populate the film.

The idea is a good one for found footage. There are a million of these ridiculous ghost hunting shows on television. Each one of them seemingly populated by some douche bag with too much hair gel taking himself way too seriously. The hook of these shows is that a group of people lock themselves into a creepy location (asylum, haunted house, dorm, etc.), set up various night vision cameras, and then wander around yelling out things like “If you are here, show yourself!”. They then overreact by freaking out anytime some wind blows through an open window, immediately assuming ghostly activity only to inevitably come to no solid conclusions at the end of each episode: “Could be haunted, we’re not sure!” Grave Encounters does a good job mocking these sorts of shows. The douchebag host in this has a perfectly douchbaggy name in Lance. He is loud, overly melodramatic, and comes across as a total tool, even going so far as to pay a local groundskeeper to make up a story about seeing a ghost simply to enhance his television show. Tagging along are his team of annoying ghost hunters. Sasha is there to be the generic “I’m the girl who will freakout at everything” character, Houston is the fake psychic that accompanies them to “read” the sadness and evil in all the rooms, and T.C. is a cameraman who is at home shouting and yelling curse words. There’s a couple other peeps along for the ride, but those are the main people we follow.

The double edged sword with Grave Encounters is that it does a great job of mocking these ghost hunter shows and showing you how dumb, cocky, and fake these people are but because it does that, you generally hate these characters. As the ghosts start having their way with the various members of the film crew you are definitely on the side of the ghosts. The film has a definite case of Blair Witch Syndrome in that, when shit starts hitting the fan, all the characters seem to do is cuss and yell. Now, I’d certainly drop some f-bombs if I was in this scenario, but it felt really forced and extreme, almost like the filmmakers were trying to be edgy more than realistic. But I’m sure many viewers won’t have as much of a problem with that as I did. I just find that kind of thing to be lazy scriptwriting. I mentioned earlier that the characters are annoying and unlikeable and because of that, the film has to focus on the ghosts doing the tormenting. It takes quite a while for the spookiness to manifest itself as the first third of the movie are these dumb characters setting up their television show (doing interviews, setting up cameras, being dumb, etc.) Once they get locked in and it becomes clear that this isn’t going to be their typical show, the film brings a good sense of atmosphere, tension, and decent creep out scenes. The insane asylum that they are filming at is a terrific location for this sort of thing. It reminded me of that old MTV show Fear, which made people wander around in the dark and let them scare themselves just by using their own imaginations.

What I liked about this film was that, at a certain point, all of the characters know they are screwed. They try to escape the insane asylum but all the exit doors just lead to more corridors. They try to get to the roof via a staircase that ends in a brick wall. All of their food spoils. It’s literally just them running around this asylum trying to find a way out and as they do they encounter ghosts of the crazed mental patients from years past. But once again, that’s a double edged sword. Although it was refreshing to watch a film that literally states that all of its characters are doomed and to revel in their downfall, it becomes clear that the film has no stakes at all. With no chance of escape and no likeable characters, you realize you are watching a glorified demo reel. Like, it’s cool to watch doors opening on their own, wheelchairs moving, things flying around, but the scariness of all those scenes are undercut by the filmmakers wanting you to want to see that kind of thing. It feels like fan service more than a naturally organic thing that happens within the space of the film. This movie would have been way more effective if more time had been spent showing a human side of the characters. There was not enough separation from their on-screen douchebag personas and their off-screen slightly less douchebag personas. A side complaint is that the film does a poor job of handling the passage of time and three days of camera battery power is stretching even my ability to suspend disbelief.

Grave Encounters has all the elements to it that should have made it Great with a capital G. A cool premise, a wonderful location, and some highly effective sequences. There is one scene involving a bathtub full of blood that really, really works. It’s still an enjoyable movie and for what it’s worth, simply the audio of people screaming and running around was enough to give my girlfriend nightmares (she refused to watch it as soon as they start setting up static cameras). I just wish more time was spent making me care about any of these people. In Paranormal Activity, I wasn’t rooting for the demon to kill Katie. That’s what made the scare sequences so effective. You want her to be okay and therefore the horror is more visceral and real when she’s put in danger. In Grave Encounters, I was like “Can you just kill this asshole, already? I’m sick and tired of him yelling and screaming”. I’m sure this review comes off as overly negative, but I don’t mean for it to be that way. This movie isn’t bad, it’s a fun ride. I was just disappointed that it had so much more potential that was squandered by some silly filmmaking decisions. Still, it’s certainly worth a look if you like found footage films.

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Ah, zombies. I’m back to talking about them again! Hurray! I think I’m on a never ending quest to “get it”. I know that eventually I’ll figure out the appeal because somewhere, someday there is going to be a zombie movie that does more than be mediocre, competent filmmaking of the same stories that were told 30 years ago! Okay, I’m being sarcastic. Mostly.

Quarantine was the American remake of the Spanish film Rec about a group of people trapped inside an apartment building trying to survive as one by one they turn into rabid, rage fueled zombies. Ostensibly, they are the same movie save for the final reveal. In Rec it turns out that the virus is supernatural in origin; demon possession. In Quarantine, it’s a doomsday cult that wants to spread a virus to destroy humanity. It is unquestionable that Rec has the better reveal but since Quarantine didn’t go that route the filmmakers of the sequel must work with what they were given. So here we get doomsday cult stuff inspired more by stuff like 24 and The Event than anything remotely unique. By the way, is Rec a zombie movie if the zombies are actually demons? It’s a fine line to draw but then again, zombie fans fight amongst themselves about whether “infected” are zombies or not. Maybe we can put The Exorcist in the zombie category from now on? “But they say the word ‘virus’ in Rec so they’re zombies!!!!!” I’m only half-joking, but I digress…

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Jon Hewitt’s X is an Australian thriller starring Spartacus alum Viva Bianca as Holly, a high priced prostitute who caters to the rich. She’s been in the game for most of her life but now she’s finally decided to retire. But just like a thief going for one last score, Holly has one last appointment she has to make. Looking for a threeway partner she comes across Shay, a young girl on her first night of what is sure to be a lifetime of prostitution. Shay has already experienced the grossness of old men wanting hand jobs and has had the shit beat out of her by a pimp. Things aren’t looking good when Holly runs into her on the street and offers her $300 to have sex with her for the night. Shay reluctantly agrees and the two make their appointment. After completing their hamburgling session, a mysterious stranger shows up and murders their client after seeing the insides of a briefcase. The stranger discovers that Holly and Shay have been in the apartment and sets out to find them and kill them.

X tries to be a meditation on the shitty life of prostitution while wrapping itself up in thriller tropes. It never fully succeeds at either. Shay genuinely exudes sympathy and watching her try to negotiate what she’s supposed to do on her first night of hookin’ is unsettling.  Holly, on the other hand, is always courted by rich dudes who want to give her a great life. They give her expensive necklaces, she wears incredible dresses, and she’s just flat out hot. You get the distinct impression that prostitution is pretty awesome if you’ve got the looks. Maybe that’s the contrast the director was going for. The only time Holly belies that she has experienced the same stuff Shay is experiencing is when she starts kicking everyone’s ass. It kinda works but kinda doesn’t. The balancing act doesn’t quite gel like it should. Though there is a stand out scene involving Shay helping two drug addicts who then demand money from her and threaten to turn her over to a group of dudes who will gangbang her. The film has some of these really excellent moments but there just aren’t enough of them to really make an impact on the viewer.

The film is not overly violent (though there is a pretty harsh head smash) and actually doesn’t have much sex. All of the sex itself is shot in such a way that you never really see anything which is actually refreshing as the film doesn’t just devolve into exploitation. It actually attempts to be something more, it just doesn’t quite get there. I’m not sure many people are going to like X. I didn’t really care for it. The acting is serviceable but it’s very slow (it takes a good 40 minutes before the main plot starts) and, ultimately, I just didn’t care enough about these hookers to make me feel anything. Another film that is very different tonally, but similar in structure and themes is Red, White, & Blue. That was a film that did similar sleazy material with its characters much, much better. These aren’t exactly the same film but there is enough similar overlap that X just looks amateur by comparison. Maybe I would have liked this movie more if I had seen it first?

Still there are some genuinely effective moments and scenes in X. It isn’t a complete waste of time, it’s just mostly a waste of time. It might be worth a look if you like this kind of darker themed movie but by the end you’ll probably do what I did. Have no real reaction and immediately flip to the weather channel to see if it’s going to storm.

C-

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