I think Troma has every awful movie they’ve ever forced upon a world that never wanted them in the first place on Netflix instant streaming. “Sunday Slashers” is going to be a new sub-segment of Running Commentary Reviews which will focus on…drumroll…slashers! Duh. So come with me as we journey through the low budget world of Decampitated:
Seven pampered teenagers hit the road for a weekend of camping, but a car accident leaves them stranded in the haunted Decamp Woods. And things go from bad to gruesome when a psycho killer begins slaying the friends one by one. Serving up plenty of blood and guts with a side of laughs, this slapstick slasher spoof stars Mike Hart, Jonathon Scott, Thomas Martwick, Christine Paterson and Bethany La Voo. -Netflix synopsis
18 seconds in: A Tromette named Ataria (or something) is pimping the “digitally remastered director’s cut” while licking and fondling herself. She also claims the film was shot with the same camera that created The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Goodie.
2 min: This is going to be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Already: loud rock soundrack. Dude skipping through a forest shooting screaming backpackers. Girl gets leg caught in bear trap, pulls out a machete, and hacks her leg off. Then gets her hand caught and lops that off as well, all while screaming “Are you serious?!” Glorious.
9 min: Is that Jeff reading a Punisher comic?
20 min: Vince the Stereotypical Black Character wanders off by himself to find help. The Skipping Slasher purposely steps in his own trap and now hangs upside down from a rope on a tree. Just got out his Swiss Army Knife scissors…Vince continues to run…
28 min: stirring drinks with a vibrator. A novel idea.
30 min: Disgustingly creepy transvestite just put his cigarette out in his drink, pulled out an ice cube, licked it seductively, rubbed it all over his Sasquatch chest, stuck it in his mouth, sucked on it, spit it back out into his drink and made the googly eyes at Vince. Run, Vince, run! Cue the fire wipe transition!
43 min: Slasher attack! The killer is dressed as a hunter and he’s got some sort of beekeeper’s mask on. After failing to kill a character by slicing his throat (they then duct taped him, thus making him all better) he attempts again by lopping off the arm of a girl. She then proceeds to beat him with her own severed arm and runs away. If you’re keeping track at a home, we’re now 45 minutes into the movie and there have been no kills (aside from the intro) and an attempted sex scene with no nudity. Not even the Tromette at the beginning showed nipple. This movie can go screw itself.
47 min: Hunter shoves a beer tap into a dudes stomach and then “fishes” for a chick who is running away. He’s got the strongest fishing line ever as he hooks the chick by her mouth and reels her in. Oh, and fugly transvestite is still playing around with Vince. Take notice slasher fans: yet another slasher where the black guy doesn’t die first.
65 min: If I don’t make it to the end of the film, it’s because I slit my own throat. Purposely.
70 min: “I can snap your neck like the hip of an 85 year old nun.”
75 min: The first of our 7 characters dies via decapitation. You read that right. It takes 75 minutes for any of these people to be killed. Travel agent is the killer. Yeah, I just spoiled this garbage for you.
87 min: Transvestite kills our slasher with a six shooter. Wants to “ride” our lone survivor, Vince the Stereotypical Black Character. The end.
This movie is painful to watch. It’s a Troma film done by people who are trying to ape Troma’s style, and doing it poorly. On the brightside, if you watch this film and end up liking it, you’ll know you are a douchebag.