We were very excited, of course. Last time, we rode it around a bit before making a mad suicidal dash through the middle of McFarlane’s Ranch. This time, we decided to check out the donkey a little more, and the results were underwhelming.

The donkey is actually not faster than my American Standardbred on roads. Ronin and I raced multiple times and he was disappointed that he couldn’t keep up with me. Where the donkey shines is off-road. Whereas my horse went considerably slower on the prairie, the donkey was blazing fast.

And then a cruel realization occurred: The zebra donkey isn’t really worth the time to level up to 250.

I know. It’s like a cold splash of water in the face. My original goal was to level up 1-2 times per day for the next 3 months to get it. But what’s the point when map markers follow roads? Sure, it would be novel to have one the first few times I played, but then we’d all be pissed when some young punks shot us and took it. And do I really want to be whistling over and over for a ZD everytime my posse gets their donkey stolen?

Knowing these sad facts, I’m going to end my goal to obtain the zebra donkey. With 9 more levels, I’ll have the buffalo, and that will be the end of my Red Dead leveling. Besides, part of the fun is stealing the zebra donkey from other players. We’d lose that sense of satisfaction completely if I just whistled everybody a new one.

Sanity and clarity in The Great Zebra Donkey Heist Part Deux.

That is all.

I’m sure we’ll all be talking about the poker tourney, as well as all the bets that were  made and lost soon, but I wanted to mention something awesome. As anyone who has played RDR knows, if you max out on multiplayer, you unlock the mythical “Zebra Donkey”. I never actually thought I’d see one as you have to play like a zillion hours to get it.

Well, Steve, Bryan, and myself got the funny idea to steal a stagecoach and ride it through McFarlane’s Ranch. The ranch, unbeknownst to us at the time, was populated with about 7 Level 50 players. I had never seen a group of L50 players this big before. Our plan was to suicide bomb them, Al Qaeda style, by ramming the stagecoach into their group as Steve dropped dynamite. The plan backfired as Steve was gunned down immediately and we were summarily executed after getting about 10 feet within the town borders. This group then mocked us by stealing our coach and driving it around, no doubt laughing their asses off. We decided to take on this giant group of expert players. Just the three of us, in dramatic bid to steal back our coach…

Things weren’t going well. We were getting picked off by snipers and shot up by Buffalo rifles. Then, as I  was sneaking around the back of the town trying to get behind one of them….I saw it. It was just there, hitched to a post. A Zebra Donkey. Something only the level 50 characters could obtain. So what did I do? I did what any self-respecting online player would do. I stole it and high tailed the fuck out of town, basking in the glow of the Zebra Donkey. I then had Bryan and Steve meet me on a hill, where they took turns riding the mythical Zebra Donkey, which is blazing fast. We then decided to ride through town, all three of us, with the Zebra Donkey, the ultimate middle finger. You may have stolen our stagecoach, but we got your donkey.

It was quite dramatic, the three of us blazing through town. I can only imagine the reaction on their faces as we rushed towards them. It didn’t take long for the hail of bullets to gun us down. But we didn’t mind.

We had ridden the Zebra Donkey.

Sale currently includes Left 4 Dead 2 at £6.80 (about $10), and Killing Floor at £7.49 ($11), both for PC (always looking for humans to play these with). Deals are changing each day so check out the latest at http://store.steampowered.com/ . Sale goes on until 4th July