One Saturday recently, Mr. de Melo lay in the coffin, shouting into the cones in a voice that echoed into the countryside. “Help me! Come quick! I’ve been buried alive!”

It was only an equipment check — not an actual emergency. Mr. de Melo, a resort operator and politician, built a burial vault he could survive in because he’s gripped by a rare condition called taphephobia, the fear of being buried alive. “I have awful, awful nightmares of trying to dig myself out from underground,” says Mr. de Melo, whose physician father named him, presciently, for the pioneer of dream analysis.

Via Gizmodo

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That’s a screen shot from an Argentine movie called Scary X Pinche, or Scary Sex Movie. I found it while searching for a torrent of Richard Stanley’s somewhat hard-to-find Hardware for the upcoming Splattercast #103. I ended up finding a rip of a German Hardware DVD (Yay! Why is this not in print?) and on the same page of search results was this X Pinche thing.

It’s fucking bananas.

Scenes of a cheaply-costumed Freddy Krueger banging some chick? How could I not download that? There’s a bit with a dude who’s supposed to be Chucky from Child’s Play getting laid and then it actually follows the Child’s Play plot (sort of) where “Chucky” says some magic words and escapes his doll body, and the chick he just railed gets trapped in a doll body… and the doll gets the money shot on the chin. There’s a spoof where Merrin and Karras give Regan a DP. Gross and weird and hilarious all at the same time. Plus, being Argentine, the whole thing’s in Spanish which makes it like 10x better.

I think I should send it to the Sleepycast for a review; it’s definitely their kind of thing…

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File this under: Awesomely ridiculous and ridiculously awesome. Apparently, multiple Rambo sequels are in the works. If you remember Splattercast #63, I dug Rambo 4 quite a bit. Yes, I do understand the level of absurdity here… I simply don’t care. This shit is dope.

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So I’m flipping through the channels and I land on ABC, a major network here in the states for all our non-U.S. readers. The greatest infomercial I’ve ever seen is currently on and I’m watching it as I type this. It’s all about how EVIL! Darwin was! Ann Coulter is telling me that the only reason Nazi’s existed was because Darwin came up with the theory of evolution. Multiple “experts” are explaining to me how the Columbine killers went on their rampage specifically because they wore t-shirts with the words “Natural Selection” on them. Ah, just popped up on the screen, Dr. James Kennedy is hosting this wonderful infomercial (isn’t he dead? Did God send him back to spread the good word?). Quite literally, the people on this infomercial are saying EVERY ILL IN THE WORLD can be traced to Charles Darwin, including Coultergeist, who just said something like “I went to elite colleges and not even I knew of Hitler and the planned parenthood founder had so much in common!”

Okay, let me get this straight: The world has gone to hell since 1859 and everything bad that has happened can be traced to Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution: from Hitler to Dylan Klebold.

So does that mean everything bad that happened PRIOR to 1859 can be ascribed to, oh i don’t know, religion? I’m just asking because 4000 years of hell vs 150 years of hell isn’t really comparable, you know?

A word of advice next time you see people claiming evolution is the death of society, ask them why they are spending so much time preaching it when they could just do something really easy to end evolution’s popularity: disprove it. It is a theory, after all, and if you are smart enough to come along and say why it can’t be right then you’ll be the most famous person in the world. An no, Intelligent Design is not proof. You can’t combat evolution by insisting there is a supernatural element involved that can’t be proved.

What does this post have to do with horror? Other than Coultergeist being really frightening to look at and listen to, it’s just a plug for the Dead Politics Podcast which is hosted by Deejay, Jeff, and myself. Episode 16 will be posted late tonight.

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