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Movie Review

Undead

Directed by Michael and Peter Spierig (2005)
Reviewed by Stevie-poo, added on Feb 20 2006


Dear valued reader, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINIONS. IF YOU DONíT AGREE WITH MY REVIEW THEN YOU CAN NIBBLE MY SACK. Thank you, drive through.

Question. What do you get when you cross zombies, aliens, acid rain, a small farming town, terrible jokes, and kung-fu? The answer? A really incoherent movie.

I love a challenge. And as such, Iíll now try to sum up this movieís story. Zombies invade a small town. All of a sudden really funky acid rain starts pouring down on the city and is apparently being caused by aliens who make horrible jokes and puns. And now a rag tag bunch of retards including the town beauty queen and a guy who I can only describe as Amish Jet Li must evade the aliens and zombies at the same time. Oh yeah, and Amish Jet Li was abducted by the aliens and now he seems to have some sort of intuition about the aliensí actions. He also has the ability to pull off a bunch of Matrix moves even though he isnít in the Matrix. For example, Amish Jet Li wears cowboy boots through most of the film. At one point zombies are advancing at him from all directions and he runs and does a forward flip where he embeds the spurs of his boots into a wooden beam above his head. So then he hangs upside down and shoots all of the zombies while suspended. This (kind of) seems cool at first until you think that all he had to do is turn around and shoot and he could have killed just as many of them. You can also expect to see him throw his guns up in the air for no reason at several inopportune moments only to catch them at the last second and kill all the zombies. My guess is heís trying to impress the town beauty queen. But sheís not much of a beauty so itís easier to just call him a retard. Retard.

The main twist of this film seems to be the aliensí true motivations for causing the rain. But trust me, you probably wonít care. The aliens donít really feel at home in this flick. But then again, neither does anything else which is the movieís big drawback. It tries to be part sci-fi, part horror, part comedy, and part kung-fu action extravaganza. Unfortunately none of these parts seem to compliment one another. None of this is anything we havenít seen before; we just havenít seen them all together. And after viewing this and trying to figure it all out Iím now convinced that that was probably a good thing. But a movie this strange is going to have a lot of people raving about it and a lot of people ranting about it and as such reviews for it are most assuredly going to be all over the place. My advice, if youíre really interested in it you should just get off your lazy ass and rent it yourself. Of course if after viewing it you think it deserves anything more than a 5 out of 10, then I invite you to re-read the note at the beginning of this review.

5 / 10




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