Directed by Claudio Lattanzi (1987)
Reviewed by Steve, added on Feb 16 2007
I donít even know where to begin on how bad this movie is. I canít even give you a good summary of the story because the audio is so terrible you canít understand anything anyone is saying. My guess is that the only mic that was used for the majority of this film was the cameraís on board mic (why does that seem familiar?). So basically the only character you can understand at any point in time is whoever is directly in front of the camera. Anytime anyone else says anything its just background noise. I was hoping that there were English subtitles on the DVD so I could at least read along with the movie. I was denied.
So this is all I got from the movie. Years ago, a man comes home from being in the military and finds that his wife is cheating on him. The man slits his wifeís, her boy toyís, and her parentsí throats (Iíll get to how bad the special effects and gore are in a minute). He takes a baby the parents were holding and just leaves it out in the woods. ::SPOILER:: Itís a boy. He also owns a lot of birds and releases them after the killing. The birds respond by ripping the guyís eyes out. Years later a group of college students go on a bird watching trip and seek out this guy because now he is a bird watcherÖ..a blind bird watcher. So after they meet he plays some bird noises heís recorded. Then thereís 10 minutes of the characters photographing birds. Then they find a severely decayed body in a rusty truck. They run away and stumble into an old house. They spend about 20 minutes there and the main character who it turns out was the baby, has a hallucination where he sees his dead mom cooking dinner. Nothing happens for a while. Nothing happens for an even longer while. And then with about 25 minutes left in the movie two, count Ďem, TWO zombies show up and start killing people for no reason. Then the next morning the old blind man shows up and tells the survivors to go home. He screams and the credits roll. Then I heard death rattles from several brain cells in my head.
I forgot to mention that during the entire first half of the movie, happy elevator music is playing.
Iím assuming that somewhere in the midst of all of the inaudible conversation that a real plot was developed. Too bad that didnít do me any good.
This movie just plain sucked. Nothing in it is worth watching. Even the special effects and gore are terrible which is really bad considering this is supposed to be a horror movie. They start off bad and donít improve at all throughout the film. The beginning throat slices are just terrible. You can tell that the filmmakers used the same prosthetic for every shot and it didnít look the least bit convincing any of the times it was used. Every time you can plainly see that the prosthetic is already on the victimís neck and that the killer just drags the knife across it really slow. When he kills the boy toy the killer doesnít even drag the knife along the same path the slash takes. The prosthetic slash goes from bottom left to top right. The killer drags the knife in the complete opposite direction, from bottom right to top left so that the knife and the slash make an X shape. These wounds also donít bleed. Thereís some blood smeared around the cut but otherwise these victims have set a world record for fastest blood clotting. Again, things do not get any better going forward.
So when you have a zombie movie with terrible uninspired gore, youíre already off to a bad start. Which means you needs to put your best foot forward in terms of filmmaking and storyline and everything else that makes a movie. Well let me tell you right now that there are so many things wrong in that respect that either Claudio Lattanzi is retarded or just didnít care. There are so many horrifyingly stupid scenes in this movie. I donít have a joke for that, I just wanted to say it. Ditto for plot holes and continuity errors. After the group arrives at the house they decide to stay the night because itís getting dark. A while later some of the people decide to call it a night and go to bed because itís late. The VERY NEXT SHOT after the characters say, ďits late, Iím going to bedĒ is a shot from outside the house showing a clear sunshine filled day. Back inside the house in the next scene, its dark again and the other characters decide to sleep.
By the way, the whole plotline about the main character being the baby from the opening scenes, its completely dropped after the character hallucinates inside the house and is never mentioned again, nor does what little of it is explored have any bearing what so ever on the movie.
I just read this on IMDb.com
ĒSome of the FX are pretty good, at least compared to flying zombie head in Zombi 3 or the Voodoo demoness in Zombie 4. The best is when the girl's head is sticking out of the car. The opening scene is pretty sick too, if you like overused prosthetics.
Oh, and the soundtrack is awesome. Pretty loud synth. I have it on CD, but it left out some of the happier melodies, which is depressing.
If you're a zombie fan and you haven't bought this 3-pack, do it soon. If you're reading this you probably are. Otherwise this may not be for your taste.
PS- I edited this comment, so instead of saying this is 3/5, i am now boldly saying that this is MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!!Ē
The author of that is someone named Mo Curly.
Mo Curly, you are a fucking moron and I hope you get herpes and die.
The good new is, ever since MaT reviewed Masters of Horror (Season 2): Dream Cruise, Iíve been waiting for a movie so bad that I could give out the following score. In that regard, thank you Zombie 5, thank you.